Would you adopt?

[medusa]

I wanted to foster or adopt because I can't have babies of my own, but was told immediately that I am unsuitable for both fostering and adopting due to my own disabilities, which I can understand with babies, but for older children it just seems discriminatory.

 

I have two sisters in law who are both foster carers and who have adopted children as well as their own grown up children and they both love their children (whether their own genetically or not) all as much as each other.

[medusa]

Yes, they are. I was shocked when I heard, but, I believe that she (my friend) gets her 'son' in October. I can not imagine how that one is going to work out! I can not believe that the authorities have left him that long in a foster home...at that age. I think it is going to be very hard for all concerned.

 

I can imagine your friend's concern with this; I'd hate to cause such upset to a child, even if it was in their future interests.

 

I hope it all works out for him, her and the foster parents who have to let him go.

[Babooshka]

Something else I did not realise, is that if you adopt, you are allowed to change the child's name. That is, their first name. I told my friend that I did not think that this was appropriate, and, thankfully, she agreed. Although, she is going to give him a new middle name. However, I have since also learned that another friend of mine, is married to someone who was adopted at the age of six...and his new parents DID change his first name! I just can not see the logic around much of this adoption business, it has to be said.

[finoni9]

A good friend of mine is about to adopt a little boy, age 2 1/2. He was taken from his mother, and placed with a foster family, when he was four days old. Apparantly, his older sister is also adopted, and if the woman in question were to have any more children, they would be immediately removed from her care (or lack thereof).

 

My friend is very excited, but, due to the fact that this little boy knows only his foster family as mum, and dad, and has never been ill-treated, and has no knowledge of his birth mum, she is scared about the effect that removing him from a happy, and loving home might have on him. Has anyone experienced this particular scenario?

 

Unfortunately it is all too common - it takes social services so long to get proof and get the cases through court and then it takes too long to find adoptive families - it is a sad sad case for this little lad that he was removed so young and not yet adopted.

 

I presume that the foster carers do not want to adopt this little lad. Many foster carers are just that, foster carers are not in it to adopt (I am one) 0 although sometimes it is the case that a child comes into your life and it just is right for all involved to adopt them.

 

The thing that will make the transition work is time - I hope social services come up with a very slow transition between the foster home and the adoptive home.

 

It makes me so sad he has been left so long and now has to move............. the system is rubbish

[finoni9]

Something else I did not realise, is that if you adopt, you are allowed to change the child's name. That is, their first name. I told my friend that I did not think that this was appropriate, and, thankfully, she agreed. Although, she is going to give him a new middle name. However, I have since also learned that another friend of mine, is married to someone who was adopted at the age of six...and his new parents DID change his first name! I just can not see the logic around much of this adoption business, it has to be said.

 

I would be very very surprised if social services allowed a child's name to be changed - it is something very frowned upon in the UK and I know adopters have been turned down because they wanted to change a child's name.

[Babooshka]

It is rubbish. My friend and her husband have 2 1/2 weeks to get to know this little lad, and then they take him home with them. Not very long. I can foresee storms a-brewin'. Poor thing. The whole process sucks. What sucks even more, is that these 'at-risk' kids have to find new homes in the first place.

[Babooshka]

I would be very very surprised if social services allowed a child's name to be changed - it is something very frowned upon in the UK and I know adopters have been turned down because they wanted to change a child's name.

 

 

My other friend's husband was christened 'Jeremy'. His new parents changed it to 'Nigel'. This was a long time ago. He is in his late 40's. (Does not live anywhere near Sheffield, and has nothing to do with Sheffield, so will not be associated or recognised from this post).

[finoni9]

It is rubbish. My friend and her husband have 2 1/2 weeks to get to know this little lad, and then they take him home with them. Not very long. I can foresee storms a-brewin'. Poor thing. The whole process sucks. What sucks even more, is that these 'at-risk' kids have to find new homes in the first place.

 

I have know children who have been with foster carers from birth and then adopted around 18 months and they have transitioned very well - your friend's new son is a bit older - they need to find out as much as possible re his routine from the foster carer and put this in place and keep it in place for a while before changing things slowly for him.

[finoni9]

My other friend's husband was christened 'Jeremy'. His new parents changed it to 'Nigel'. This was a long time ago. He is in his late 40's. (Does not live anywhere near Sheffield, and has nothing to do with Sheffield, so will not be associated or recognised from this post).

 

Times have changed since then, so they are really against it now, as they should be as it is the child's identity.

[Babooshka]

Times have changed since then, so they are really against it now, as they should be as it is the child's identity.

 

Good! Although my friend mentioned it the other day, so it must have been discussed as an option, and not completely frowned upon. Blimey. My heart goes out to these kids.