maidinsheff Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Hi all - I've posted a piece for July (bit late I know) entitled Lottery http://sheffieldwriters.ath.cx/SFStoryArchive/1280780653.doc Maidinsheff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coyleys Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 Nice one sheff This genre seems to be quite popular in the group and your account is really good. I partially like the last remark. Thanks for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maidinsheff Posted August 5, 2010 Author Share Posted August 5, 2010 Hi Coyleys Why do you only partially like my last remark? quote "I partially like the last remark" unquote Which bit of it didn't you like? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coyleys Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 I liked it all Sheff, but I partially liked the last remark, an unbeknownst ironic statement for the narrator to make. There was only one statement I’m not sure on; “a perfect sky on a perfect day.” Why a perfect day? Up to that point things were not too good. Had the narrator been told some lies on their destination? Am I being too pedantic or have I just missed something. Anyway, I still think it’s a grand job. Nice one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Blanco Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 I liked it too MiS. I liked the way the story unravelled. At first I thought it was two women shopping. Then when you described the train journey I decided they must be on the 16.38 from Sheffield to Nottingham, which is also sardine-esque, and quite sweaty (why do they only put on two carriages?). Eventually of course the story ends up at an even darker place and I am left pondering what it would be like to be in those shoes, albeit comfortable ones. If only she had removed her hat and swirled her harmony-hairspray hair a bit earlier perhaps things would have turned out differently? Nice one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maidinsheff Posted August 8, 2010 Author Share Posted August 8, 2010 Hi Coyleys and Ron Maybe I should have put 'A perfect sky on an imperfect day.' so thanks for picking up on that. The Nazi's kept everything low key and inviting during the early days of the holocaust - people actually thought they were being taken to new lives, accommodation, work etc, anyone who was the least bit suspicious was taken to one side and dealt with out of view of the rest of the people - a single bullet to the brain from a low calibre fire-arm. I did also think about adding to the 'warehouse' scene by having a rumour spread amongst the crowd about there being showers to look forward to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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