Sillypoint Posted August 12, 2010 Share Posted August 12, 2010 Hi forum, first post - please be nice. So I am a mid-twenties Sheffielder who has started courting someone I've known a long while. I've known them since beyond a previous LTR of mine and he was nothing but a friend to me, we've always got on and always sent the occasional text to see if the other is OK. So. We start dating and have been out maybe 8 or 9 times. We always have fun and are totally comfortable with each other, probably owing to the fact we've known each other as friends so know each others secrets and skeletons without being put off by them. All good so far. Now my only worry is this - I'm very much a heart on sleeve girl. It seems the other person is a little more reserved. On dates its always me doing the talking and I think the conversations are more basic now than they were when we were just friends. I'm finding it difficult getting any cheeky banter going and he's outright unresponsive with flirting or compliments, apart from saying "Thanks". I suspect that because he has never really had a serious relationship before, he struggles in expressing himself in ways that I am more comfortable. How can I change this? Should I say something? I'm not sure whether its a case of coaxing him out of his shell, or (probably more worrying) there just isn't anything there and he doesn't possess the skills to hold his own in a bit of cheeky banter. I have slept with him and he was all for that, I just expected the next step to follow naturally and it hasn't. I'm stumped, I've never been with anyone shy but would quite like this to work. Help someone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whosewho Posted August 12, 2010 Share Posted August 12, 2010 Hi forum, first post - please be nice. So I am a mid-twenties Sheffielder who has started courting someone I've known a long while. I've known them since beyond a previous LTR of mine and he was nothing but a friend to me, we've always got on and always sent the occasional text to see if the other is OK. So. We start dating and have been out maybe 8 or 9 times. We always have fun and are totally comfortable with each other, probably owing to the fact we've known each other as friends so know each others secrets and skeletons without being put off by them. All good so far. Now my only worry is this - I'm very much a heart on sleeve girl. It seems the other person is a little more reserved. On dates its always me doing the talking and I think the conversations are more basic now than they were when we were just friends. I'm finding it difficult getting any cheeky banter going and he's outright unresponsive with flirting or compliments, apart from saying "Thanks". I suspect that because he has never really had a serious relationship before, he struggles in expressing himself in ways that I am more comfortable. How can I change this? Should I say something? I'm not sure whether its a case of coaxing him out of his shell, or (probably more worrying) there just isn't anything there and he doesn't possess the skills to hold his own in a bit of cheeky banter. I have slept with him and he was all for that, I just expected the next step to follow naturally and it hasn't. I'm stumped, I've never been with anyone shy but would quite like this to work. Help someone I am confused. Do you mean that you slept with him as in sleep or slept with him as in didn't get any sleep? Also, if you did not get any sleep, what is the next step that you are waiting for? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sillypoint Posted August 12, 2010 Author Share Posted August 12, 2010 Sorry, as in we didn't get any sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Nobody Posted August 12, 2010 Share Posted August 12, 2010 If you like him then you don't need to change his ways. Probably slightly awkward because you have gone from friends to lovers. Friends are sometimes more honest and open than lovers. So perhaps the answer is there. Be both. But stop worrying - it will evolve. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whosewho Posted August 12, 2010 Share Posted August 12, 2010 Sorry, as in we didn't get any sleep. So what is it that you are expecting him to do now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rubydazzler Posted August 12, 2010 Share Posted August 12, 2010 Men are just unfathomable. Who can understand how their minds work? It doesn't sound as though you're having that good a time with him, so don't waste any more trying to get into a relationship with him. He sounds boring but maybe it's that he's just not that into you, wants someone to have sex with but doesn't want to make that much effort to be nice to you. Sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suffragette1 Posted August 12, 2010 Share Posted August 12, 2010 I think that when you've been friends with someone for some time and the relationship evolves into a sexual one, there can be an awkward transition period as one or both parties take some time to adjust to the new dynamic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alien Posted August 12, 2010 Share Posted August 12, 2010 Putting your past friendship and now "loving" relationship together could be quite confusing for him if he's inexperienced relationship wise. Give it a little more time. You're both young you really shouldn't feel the need to move so fast. You say you know each others skeletons...try sharing this one with him rather than us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sillypoint Posted August 12, 2010 Author Share Posted August 12, 2010 So what is it that you are expecting him to do now? I thought the opening post was pretty clear. The conversation has gone very basic and whereas I will text and try to be fun, drop a nice compliment in now and again, I'm not getting a great deal back. I don't send compliments to receive them but I am still a person and it would nice to know whether he looks forward to seeing me as much as I do with him. Or that he's had fun when we have been out. I'm not in this to let him sleep with me and then not talk to me the rest of the time! I don't mean that nastily, but I just think he doesn't have the communication skills/confidence that maybe other people I've been with have, I'd like someone to help me bring him out of his shell. That is, if that is the answer. Could well be that he was all for the idea and has now gone off me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whosewho Posted August 12, 2010 Share Posted August 12, 2010 Men are just unfathomable. Who can understand how their minds work? It doesn't sound as though you're having that good a time with him, so don't waste any more trying to get into a relationship with him. He sounds boring but maybe it's that he's just not that into you, wants someone to have sex with but doesn't want to make that much effort to be nice to you. Sorry Hey...COME ON NOW. You could be asking her to ditch what could be the love of her life. You are wicked! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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