Advice needed. (new relationship)

[Suffragette1]

Well I met you at that meet Ruby. I wish I had luck with you

 

Ruby should change her signature to Forum MILF.

[voodoodanny]

My two pence: Don't go trying to change him. If he's not quite what you're after then move on; there are a lot of men in Sheffield. Believing you can manipulate a fella to suit your ideals is classic denial and will only end in tears. Trust me, I am one.

[Suffragette1]

My two pence: Don't go trying to change him. If he's not quite what you're after then move on; there are a lot of men in Sheffield. Believing you can manipulate a fella to suit your ideals is classic denial and will only end in tears. Trust me, I am one.

 

That is also very true, if he has reached a state of stasis, then it would be a total waste of time. What is mildly irritating now would become a much greater source of unhappiness further down the line.

[rubydazzler]

Well I met you at that meet Ruby. I wish I had luck with you

Ah, bless you, Northrend, that's very sweet of you. But either you're too young or I'm too old, depending on which end of the timeline we're looking from

[IamChiChi]

Ruby Dizzle pulls again. This seems to be a common theme.

[Sillypoint]

My two pence: Don't go trying to change him. If he's not quite what you're after then move on; there are a lot of men in Sheffield. Believing you can manipulate a fella to suit your ideals is classic denial and will only end in tears. Trust me, I am one.

 

Whilst I understand what you're saying and clearly am grateful for all feedback (else I wouldn't have made a thread).

 

I do think its just that he's shy and/or doesn't quite know how to express himself. And this is all that needs changing, him made more comfortable so he doesn't feel embarrassed when the conversation turns even mildly suggestive (and I do mean mild too!).

 

He does send nice messages and show his feelings now and again, so I know he's capable of it. And I will establish whether it is the above or whether he just isn't interested when I have a chat with him (maybe some wine first for us both!)

 

I'm not trying to stop him going to the football or anything like that, literally just to see if he can open up more. If he won't then that's fine, I'll move on

[sTaGeWaLkEr]

Make him laugh.

 

He's possibly feeling on strange territory at the moment. Reassure him by taking him back to a time when you used to laugh and talk alot - it may help to lubricate him a little.

 

Also, don't make yourself too available in the early days. Guys like a bit of a chase sometimes - and someone being constantly available at the drop of a hat in the early days isn't really that attractive.

 

Hope things work out for you both.

[whosewho]

Never trust a redhead!

[six45ive]

Hi forum, first post - please be nice.

 

So I am a mid-twenties Sheffielder who has started courting someone I've known a long while. I've known them since beyond a previous LTR of mine and he was nothing but a friend to me, we've always got on and always sent the occasional text to see if the other is OK.

 

So.

 

We start dating and have been out maybe 8 or 9 times. We always have fun and are totally comfortable with each other, probably owing to the fact we've known each other as friends so know each others secrets and skeletons without being put off by them. All good so far.

 

Now my only worry is this - I'm very much a heart on sleeve girl. It seems the other person is a little more reserved. On dates its always me doing the talking and I think the conversations are more basic now than they were when we were just friends. I'm finding it difficult getting any cheeky banter going and he's outright unresponsive with flirting or compliments, apart from saying "Thanks".

 

I suspect that because he has never really had a serious relationship before, he struggles in expressing himself in ways that I am more comfortable.

 

How can I change this? Should I say something? I'm not sure whether its a case of coaxing him out of his shell, or (probably more worrying) there just isn't anything there and he doesn't possess the skills to hold his own in a bit of cheeky banter.

 

I have slept with him and he was all for that, I just expected the next step to follow naturally and it hasn't. I'm stumped, I've never been with anyone shy but would quite like this to work. Help someone

 

Maybe his idea of being in a relationship is to keep it pretty much as it was before (friendship) but with added sex whereas you seem to be wanting a lot more from this 'new' relationship culminating into a complete seachange which may leave him feeling a bit confused.

[Sillypoint]

Make him laugh.

 

He's possibly feeling on strange territory at the moment. Reassure him by taking him back to a time when you used to laugh and talk alot - it may help to lubricate him a little.

 

Also, don't make yourself too available in the early days. Guys like a bit of a chase sometimes - and someone being constantly available at the drop of a hat in the early days isn't really that attractive.

 

Hope things work out for you both.

 

I'm laughing at this but slightly offended at the same time in a not overly serious way. After 8-9 dates over a period of three months after knowing someone for 9 years is not jumping into bed with them (In my book anyway?!).