Out of the mouths of babes

[Sierra]

Just need to update OP of events today...Its my youngest 6th birthday today, and her nannan, my mother, bought her........ £25 in Matalan Vouchers ??!!! Speechless !! My little girl was absolutely gutted . She said "mummy, its not even a toy shop, is it?"

 

Oh God! Poor kid! It's awful to explain to a child, but they must understand that just because someone is a relative, it doesn't automatically make them a good person. Some people are just not very nice, and make sure your daughter knows grandma's crappy attitude has nothing to do with her.

 

It be like that sometimes.

 

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=It%20be%20like%20that%20sometimes

 

I admit, this is extra tough with a 6 year old, but the sooner she realizes this, the less she will be hurt, but frankly, this will always hurt her.

 

My husband's father has been an awful excuse for a grandfather over the years. When my girl was about 11, she and her dad ran into his father in a store. My daughter had NO idea who this older man was, and was amazed that he knew her name!

 

That's how little she saw him. Her brother who is 5 years younger couldn't have picked grandpa out of a lineup until he was at least 13.

 

If it helps, you and your daughter are not alone, others struggle with this also. The worst part is, some people assuming that you must have caused this in some way. Am I right? All you can do is explain to your baby that grandma has problems/issues whatever and that's the way she is, she's not going to change at her age, and the whole bitter pill thing.

 

My best wishes and every sympathy. Good luck.

[denlin]

Just need to update OP of events today...Its my youngest 6th birthday today, and her nannan, my mother, bought her........ £25 in Matalan Vouchers ??!!! Speechless !! My little girl was absolutely gutted . She said "mummy, its not even a toy shop, is it?"

 

I know you have problem with your mother but Matalan sell clothes don't they? could you not have just said we can go and buy you a party dress or something. your problems you have with your mum seem to be getting transferred to your daughter. you feel resentment and then so does she.

 

Some children get have horrendous lives. get no presents at all. Try thinking that the glass is half full not half empty

[Campanula]

I know you have problem with your mother but Matalan sell clothes don't they? could you not have just said we can go and buy you a party dress or something. your problems you have with your mum seem to be getting transferred to your daughter. you feel resentment and then so does she.

 

Some children get have horrendous lives. get no presents at all. Try thinking that the glass is half full not half empty

 

Well said. Matalan does sell toys, children's books, sweets and loads of halloween stuff at the moment too. It could be turned around into a fun shopping outing. 6 year old girls are usually just getting into accessories and stuff too.

 

Admitedly, a voucher for Matalan requires zero thought and effort but the child doesn't have to know that. I hope the OP's little girl enjoys her shopping trip

 

EDIT - Just to add, not all grandparents are naturals. Mine were, I was so lucky and so spoilt by mine (still am by the ones still with us) but my own children aren't so lucky. They don't even know about one set of grandparents - have never met them because they live far away and don't visit. The ones they do know about they only see about twice a year - they have never babysat or had them overnight and find it difficult being around young children. But they do their best in their own way.

[shinyhappy68]

Oh God! Poor kid! It's awful to explain to a child, but they must understand that just because someone is a relative, it doesn't automatically make them a good person. Some people are just not very nice, and make sure your daughter knows grandma's crappy attitude has nothing to do with her.

 

It be like that sometimes.

 

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=It%20be%20like%20that%20sometimes

 

I admit, this is extra tough with a 6 year old, but the sooner she realizes this, the less she will be hurt, but frankly, this will always hurt her.

 

My husband's father has been an awful excuse for a grandfather over the years. When my girl was about 11, she and her dad ran into his father in a store. My daughter had NO idea who this older man was, and was amazed that he knew her name!

 

That's how little she saw him. Her brother who is 5 years younger couldn't have picked grandpa out of a lineup until he was at least 13.

 

If it helps, you and your daughter are not alone, others struggle with this also. The worst part is, some people assuming that you must have caused this in some way. Am I right? All you can do is explain to your baby that grandma has problems/issues whatever and that's the way she is, she's not going to change at her age, and the whole bitter pill thing.

 

My best wishes and every sympathy. Good luck.

 

Thank you for reply, you are so right X

[shinyhappy68]

"Well said. Matalan does sell toys, children's books, sweets and loads of halloween stuff at the moment too. It could be turned around into a fun shopping outing. 6 year old girls are usually just getting into accessories and stuff too.

 

Admitedly, a voucher for Matalan requires zero thought and effort but the child doesn't have to know that. I hope the OP's little girl enjoys her shopping trip"

 

Well, this is the route I took......went to Home Bargains earlier and she chose, 2 x Disney dress up outfits and some new PJ's (all of which she could probably have got at Matalan). I paid for these and will use the Gift Vouchers for Xmas pressies . I would always look at other options and believe there is always a positive in everything..............Not really the point though is it! X

 

"I know you have problem with your mother but Matalan sell clothes don't they? could you not have just said we can go and buy you a party dress or something. your problems you have with your mum seem to be getting transferred to your daughter. you feel resentment and then so does she.

 

Some children get have horrendous lives. get no presents at all. Try thinking that the glass is half full not half empty"

 

The only thing I feel is anger, when I see yet more disappointed looks on my kids face, I do not vent my feelings, regarding my mom, around the kids, they are old enough and intelligent enough to see her for what she is.

 

I am also very aware of how lucky my kids are, in every way. I work with families of young children, in some of the most heart renching circumstances you can imagine, so again, I am very aware of the appauling lives of our most vunerable children...the glass is always half full in my house, it has to be.

[Sierra]

Just remember, YOU didn't cause this and YOU can't fix it. They don't see a problem with their behavior and therefore see no reason to change.

 

Good for you for keeping your lip zipped.

 

Never a good thing to run down a relative in front of the kids, even if they deserve it, heh. Besides, you never know where or when they'll repeat what they heard you say. And believe me, they'll pick the very worst time and place!

 

Also good for you for spinning straw into gold, and making sure your daughter had a nice time using the gift card. I agree, that was a rather thoughtless gift for a 6 year old kid and you were probably fuming the entire time you were shopping, but you did it. Kids this age love big, showy presents. A gift card is like, huh? What am I supposed to do with this piece of plastic? When she gets older, she'll love it.

 

Continue being civil to your mom, no matter how she disappoints your family. I mean it, no matter what. Exceptions if she goes to prison or something. Otherwise, keep smiling in the face of her rudeness or disinterest. Kids aren't little forever, and your mother probably has no idea how she's poisioning the well out of which she may have to drink in a few years. I've already told my kids I intend to spend their inheritance on chicken wings and beer and playing bingo 24/7 at Arizona Charlie's. Just kidding!

 

When I see my father in law, which thankfully, isn't often, I smile sweetly, inquire about his arthritis, his most recent lady friend (whom I rather like), and always have a loaf of his favorite banana bread for him. With walnuts even. You never know, your mother may start to wonder what in the hell you're up to. Bwahahaha!! I sometimes catch my father in law giving me the side eye, heh, like what the heck is she up to? Doesn't stop him from scarfing the banana bread, though. And every time I see him, I think of what Cher said in Moonstruck, "In time you'll drop dead and I'll come to your funeral in a red dress!"

[shinyhappy68]

Just remember, YOU didn't cause this and YOU can't fix it. They don't see a problem with their behavior and therefore see no reason to change.

 

Good for you for keeping your lip zipped.

 

Never a good thing to run down a relative in front of the kids, even if they deserve it, heh. Besides, you never know where or when they'll repeat what they heard you say. And believe me, they'll pick the very worst time and place!

 

Also good for you for spinning straw into gold, and making sure your daughter had a nice time using the gift card. I agree, that was a rather thoughtless gift for a 6 year old kid and you were probably fuming the entire time you were shopping, but you did it. Kids this age love big, showy presents. A gift card is like, huh? What am I supposed to do with this piece of plastic? When she gets older, she'll love it.

 

Continue being civil to your mom, no matter how she disappoints your family. I mean it, no matter what. Exceptions if she goes to prison or something. Otherwise, keep smiling in the face of her rudeness or disinterest. Kids aren't little forever, and your mother probably has no idea how she's poisioning the well out of which she may have to drink in a few years. I've already told my kids I intend to spend their inheritance on chicken wings and beer and playing bingo 24/7 at Arizona Charlie's. Just kidding!

 

When I see my father in law, which thankfully, isn't often, I smile sweetly, inquire about his arthritis, his most recent lady friend (whom I rather like), and always have a loaf of his favorite banana bread for him. With walnuts even. You never know, your mother may start to wonder what in the hell you're up to. Bwahahaha!! I sometimes catch my father in law giving me the side eye, heh, like what the heck is she up to? Doesn't stop him from scarfing the banana bread, though. And every time I see him, I think of what Cher said in Moonstruck, "In time you'll drop dead and I'll come to your funeral in a red dress!"

 

Ya got me down to a T and 90% of the time, life just carries on in its hectic way, and I can barely give the whole thing a fleeting thought, I should win an oscar for my peformance when im around my mother, but she doesnt wonder what im up to, she just thinks everything is ok and ive come round to her way of thinking....(Im 42 years old and have long had an opinion of my own lol). Just to say also, my oldest who is 13 LOVES gift cards and vouchers for obvious reasons, and her birthday pressies are usually for Boots or Meadowhall, fair enough, loads of choice, but it was more the choice of store not the gift card, which I found unthoughtful.

[Sean Hughes]

I guess as much as it hurts, we cant always protect kids from the reality of things. Does her nan know how her actions are affecting your daughter?