I need some relationship advice

[Alien]

Im betting she still feels something for the ex and this new contact has left her with the impression something could come of it.

 

Give her the space she needs and let her get her head round what she wants. You don't want to pressure her and end up with a woman that is always wondering 'what if'.

If she wants you then its up to her to be ready for any commitment to you and cut off any she may have for her ex. Don't be second best, let it hurt for a bit and stay away, if its meant to be then you'll get the girl, it will be because she is ready and it will last.

If not then you have not lost anything because if her heart is somewhere else then you never had her.

 

Good luck.

 

Cynical..but my thoughts also.

 

Back away, cry on a pillow... nut the wall if you have to, but stay away. If she's interested in the ex you've just given her a cracking reason for jumping overboard. If she's not but confused...she'll come running. Or not as the case may be.

[hit girl]

Me and my girlfriend has only been together for 5 month and well i fell in love with her and she has a kid who i also grown attatched to, but i know he fell in love with me cause it was only the other week when we was planning to stay together for years and years, yes i know might sound sad but we was in love. Anyway we had a barney other day cause her ex added her on facebook and i walked out of her house and into myne without looking back.

 

I go to bed for a kip for at least 2 hours only to find out that she has dumped me, i tried talking to her but she decided after our little barney she wanted to have a break and to stay single even though she loves me. I think she was in wrong and now i do know she knows that anyway we was talking last night and she decided she still wants me to stay in her life but only as friends.

 

This is making me ill, i try to hide it but everytime i spend time with her i cant stop thinking of what we had what can i do?

 

What shall i do?

 

Shall i just stay friends with her and try to make my relationship with her stronger that way?

 

Or shall i tell her that we can't be friends?

 

I know this might sound daft but i was going to ask her to marry me on christmas day, shall i still do this?

 

its over, you cant be friends. take a bit of time then move on.

[gina2007]

The joys of Facebook! Dont constantly text her though You'll just push her away, as others have said.

[Dozy]

Im betting she still feels something for the ex and this new contact has left her with the impression something could come of it.

 

Give her the space she needs and let her get her head round what she wants. You don't want to pressure her and end up with a woman that is always wondering 'what if'.

If she wants you then its up to her to be ready for any commitment to you and cut off any she may have for her ex. Don't be second best, let it hurt for a bit and stay away, if its meant to be then you'll get the girl, it will be because she is ready and it will last.

If not then you have not lost anything because if her heart is somewhere else then you never had her.

 

Good luck.

My bold

 

I very much doubt it, as the OP posted "He has feelings for her and he spys on her all the time, where as she doesn't" which sounds pretty much like she's not interested!

 

I'm assuming that the ex is the father of her child, which means that she must have some sort of contact with him, because of access to the child.

 

My reading of the situation is much more straightforward:

 

1. Woman leaves controlling partner.

2. Woman has 5 month relationship with new partner.

3. Woman tells new partner that she has no feelings for ex.

4. New partner throws a paddy and walks out because woman adds ex to her Facebook.

5. Woman thinks, "oh, dear, here's another one who wants to control and tell me who I may or not have on my Facebook!"

6. Woman isn't sure if she can't cope with that sort of relationship again, and asks for time to think things over properly.

 

I was with my partner for 34 years before she died, and if she'd tried to tell me who I could have on FB, you'd have heard the row from end of the city to the other! (I'm female, by the way.)

 

Relationships are based on trust - if you give your partner the impression that you don't trust them, then the relationship doesn't have much of a future.

[BritishProud]

Im betting she still feels something for the ex and this new contact has left her with the impression something could come of it.

 

Give her the space she needs and let her get her head round what she wants. You don't want to pressure her and end up with a woman that is always wondering 'what if'.

If she wants you then its up to her to be ready for any commitment to you and cut off any she may have for her ex. Don't be second best, let it hurt for a bit and stay away, if its meant to be then you'll get the girl, it will be because she is ready and it will last.

If not then you have not lost anything because if her heart is somewhere else then you never had her.

 

Good luck.

 

I asked her if she still had feelings for her ex and she swore on her kids life that she didn't, maybe i should just giv her some space, and stop txting her to let her get things sorted in her head then she hopefully she will get in touch with me after like a month or two.

[hit girl]

I asked her if she still had feelings for her ex and she swore on her kids life that she didn't, maybe i should just giv her some space, and stop txting her to let her get things sorted in her head then she hopefully she will get in touch with me after like a month or two.

 

its over, retain some self respect. dont text or phone her. move on.

[BritishProud]

It doesn't sound daft at all, mate. But why wait for Christmas Day? Why not tomorrow? You have a super relationship with a wonderful woman, best let her know that she's the one and only and that you intend to be together forever.

 

Your girlfriend's kid needs a dad now, not three months in the future.

 

Go for it.

 

I would do but if i did i feel that i will push her away further which is why would do it in a few months so that she has had pleanty of time to think about it.

 

So heres what i'm going to do, i won't contact her for time unless she contacts me and then i will drop on her doorstep on christmas morning and pop the question.

[hard2miss]

I asked her if she still had feelings for her ex and she swore on her kids life that she didn't, maybe i should just giv her some space, and stop txting her to let her get things sorted in her head then she hopefully she will get in touch with me after like a month or two.

I think you know what to do. Its hard work but absence makes the heart grow fonder they reckon.

 

If your worth it and more the point if she is then give her a break and see what happens.

But just let her know you still have feelings and its not the end, if she works out what she wants the door is open.

[Halibut]

My bold

 

I very much doubt it, as the OP posted "He has feelings for her and he spys on her all the time, where as she doesn't" which sounds pretty much like she's not interested!

 

I'm assuming that the ex is the father of her child, which means that she must have some sort of contact with him, because of access to the child.

 

My reading of the situation is much more straightforward:

 

1. Woman leaves controlling partner.

2. Woman has 5 month relationship with new partner.

3. Woman tells new partner that she has no feelings for ex.

4. New partner throws a paddy and walks out because woman adds ex to her Facebook.

5. Woman thinks, "oh, dear, here's another one who wants to control and tell me who I may or not have on my Facebook!"

6. Woman isn't sure if she can't cope with that sort of relationship again, and asks for time to think things over properly.

 

I was with my partner for 34 years before she died, and if she'd tried to tell me who I could have on FB, you'd have heard the row from end of the city to the other! (I'm female, by the way.)

 

Relationships are based on trust - if you give your partner the impression that you don't trust them, then the relationship doesn't have much of a future.

 

Best post thus far, very sage reading of the situation.

To the OP - don't try and smother her with flowers - she'll run away even faster than she is doing already.

[hard2miss]

I would do but if i did i feel that i will push her away further which is why would do it in a few months so that she has had pleanty of time to think about it.

 

So heres what i'm going to do, i won't contact her for time unless she contacts me and then i will drop on her doorstep on christmas morning and pop the question.

NOOOOOOOOOOO

 

That's the last thing you should do.

 

If there is doubt at this stage then you are going to need some time, both of you, to get your heads round what you want. Don't go making rash moves like that, I guarantee it will end bad.

 

Suppose she gets scared of been left on the shelf because her ex spurns her and she gets back with you and in no time your married. Do you think that is going to be a good foundation for a life long relationship ?

Or you can't get it out of your head and feel second best and start resenting her.

 

Get to know her again, have some understanding of what's happened and have some time together until the time when this can't be an issue, then when your both ready you'll commit to each other with no demons.

 

FFS don't propose