Should men get their child maintanance back?

[Suffragette1]

Then is it is her duty to obtain the facts before naming the father. She should not just assume or guess.

 

I don't disagree. However, picture the following scenario: woman has affair, gets pregnant, it could be either her long term partner's or her lover's. What does she do? Tell her partner that she's pregnant, he is blissfully ignorant that she is having an affair so it wouldn't even occur to thim to question the paternity. She hopes that it is his, if she voices her doubts he may well leave her, so she keeps it to herself as she wants the baby. That, I imagine is the most common scenario. I'm not excusing it either, by the way, before I get attacked from all sides (that comment is not aimed specifically at you either, serapis), but it would account for the majority of cases I suspect.

[sccsux]

But he should really get his money from the natural father?

 

Why?

 

It was the mother that kept the secret and lied for 12 years.

[rubydazzler]

Why? It was the mother that kept the secret and lied for 12 years.

Because someone else posted that in the eyes of the law, the father must pay ... so therefore, the natural father should repay the 'father' for his investment. It's all pretty tacky, don't you think? Child as commodity .. doesn't sit well with me, tbh. And without a dna test, how could anyone, even the mother, be sure?

 

And then we were all discussing different scenarios about a case that didn't actually exist, because the op was very economical at first with the actual facts.

 

I was arguing on the basis that they weren't a couple and he'd been paying maintenance, which is usually a very small amount, probably only what most men would spend on a night out. If he'd want that back, how petty! If they were married and the child was the result of a fling, how on earth would you extricate the upkeep of the child from the general household expenses ... and how would you go about suing your wife for the money?

 

Can you imagine what people would think about you ... acting as though a living, feeling, child was a commodity that you'd wasted your time and money on and that had proved superfluous to requirements? An awful thought.

[Suffragette1]

Totally agree.

 

Might teach women to try and keep their legs crossed a or keep better track of who's knobbling them

 

I don't think it would be fair to claim the money from the natural father, 12 years after the fact.

 

I think the majority of the responsibility should lie with the woman, after all it's always the woman's choice to sleep with someone and have their baby.

It might teach men to have more protected sex if they want to avoid an unwanted pregnancy and being placed in this position too. Just a thought.

[Noob]

Idiot of a woman, needs to be taught a few lessons. Poor bloke.

[Berberis]

I don't disagree. However, picture the following scenario: woman has affair, get pregnant, it could be either her long term partner's or her lover's. What does she do? Tell her partner that she's pregnant, he is blissfully ignorant that she is having an affair so it wouldn't even occur to thim to question the paternity. She hopes that it is his, if she voices her doubts he may well leave her, so she keeps it to herself as she wants the baby. That, I imagine is the most common scenario. I'm not excusing it either, by the way, before I get attacked from all sides (that comment is not aimed specifically at you either, serapis), but it would account for the majority of cases I suspect.

 

So she wants to keep her husband and wants the baby but she obviously also wants to sleep with other men also. I bet her husband wants a faithful wife, is he getting what he wants? Hiding one lie with another is never a good option. If she had not conducted the affair in the first place she would not be in the situation she found herself in.

 

Simple, she is in the wrong.

[Suffragette1]

Because someone else posted that in the eyes of the law, the father must pay ... so therefore, the natural father should repay the 'father' for his investment. It's all pretty tacky, don't you think? Child as commodity .. doesn't sit well with me, tbh. And without a dna test, how could anyone, even the mother, be sure?

 

And then we were all discussing different scenarios about a case that didn't actually exist, because the op was very economical at first with the actual facts.

 

I was arguing on the basis that they weren't a couple and he'd been paying maintenance, which is usually a very small amount, probably only what most men would spend on a night out. If he'd want that back, how petty! If they were married and the child was the result of a fling, how on earth would you extricate the upkeep of the child from the general household expenses ... and how would you go about suing your wife for the money?

 

Can you imagine what people would think about you ... acting as though a living, feeling, child was a commodity that you'd wasted your time and money on and that had proved superfluous to requirements? An awful thought.

 

I find the whole cash back for duped/mistaken fatherhood distasteful to be honest. There was a case last year of a man actually disowning his daughter after it came to light that he had been deceived for 17 by the mother. I don't know how anyone could be so brutal and black and white about the change of their DNA status, as if DNA is the be all and end all of parenthood, when we all know that it goes much deeper than that. The only think that I can conclude, whilst I empathise with the man feeling hurt, angry and betrayed, to start demanding money back is indicative of a disturbing narcissism on his part.

[HeadingNorth]

Why?

 

It was the mother that kept the secret and lied for 12 years.

 

The (natural) father of a child has a legal obligation to pay for its upkeep. For 12 years he hasn't been paying; so logically, that's where the money should come from.

[sccsux]

I don't disagree. However, picture the following scenario: woman has affair, gets pregnant, it could be either her long term partner's or her lover's. What does she do? Tell her partner that she's pregnant, he is blissfully ignorant that she is having an affair so it wouldn't even occur to thim to question the paternity. She hopes that it is his, if she voices her doubts he may well leave her, so she keeps it to herself as she wants the baby. That, I imagine is the most common scenario. I'm not excusing it either, by the way, before I get attacked from all sides (that comment is not aimed specifically at you either, serapis), but it would account for the majority of cases I suspect.

 

Then the woman is to blame for not keeping 'em shut:|

[sccsux]

I don't know how anyone could be so brutal and black and white about the change of their DNA status, as if DNA is the be all and end all of parenthood, when we all know that it goes much deeper than that. The only think that I can conclude, whilst I empathise with the man feeling hurt, angry and betrayed, to start demanding money back is indicative of a disturbing narcissism on his part.

 

Finding out you've been lied to for 17 years can do quite a lot of damage to a person:(. So it should come as no surprise when the victim acts irrationally (to your or my view).