Clare85 Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 I really do not know what to do because no one I know has been in the same situation as me, or if they have they are now happily shacked up with another guy so they have forgot about the old one. I was with my boyfriend for nearly eight years, I started going out with him when I was sixteen. Anyway we were so close and yeah I wasn't always the perfect girlfriend and he wasn't always the perfect boyfriend, I did once have my doubts and fall for someone else and I often thought about moving away etc...but I didn't know what it was like to be alone and be independent. He was older than me and he had experienced more than me but overall he was my best friend and he was all I needed. We broke up like over a year ago but I have never really been happy since. So I think I should be over it by now but I am not. I have dreams about him regularly which makes me unhappy. I've just been looking at pictures of him and videos of us together and that makes me unhappy. It doesn't really help how we broke up. We were on and off for a few weeks and when he finally said 'yes we should break up' he was out of my house within twenty minutes and I never saw him again. He did tell me he was so depressed about a month after we broke up but I told him I was enjoying my life single. Now I am not, I have got everything I was working for when I was with him (good job etc) but now I am on my own. It's too late for us, he found someone almost straight away (unfortunately I know people who know him so I hear a few things that do not help). He even bought a house with them recently. They went on holiday the place we were going to go next. I can't just find someone else as well, I don't want anyone else! It's so pathetic but there you go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halibut Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 I really do not know what to do because no one I know has been in the same situation as me, or if they have they are now happily shacked up with another guy so they have forgot about the old one. I was with my boyfriend for nearly eight years, I started going out with him when I was sixteen. Anyway we were so close and yeah I wasn't always the perfect girlfriend and he wasn't always the perfect boyfriend, I did once have my doubts and fall for someone else and I often thought about moving away etc...but I didn't know what it was like to be alone and be independent. He was older than me and he had experienced more than me but overall he was my best friend and he was all I needed. We broke up like over a year ago but I have never really been happy since. So I think I should be over it by now but I am not. I have dreams about him regularly which makes me unhappy. I've just been looking at pictures of him and videos of us together and that makes me unhappy. It doesn't really help how we broke up. We were on and off for a few weeks and when he finally said 'yes we should break up' he was out of my house within twenty minutes and I never saw him again. He did tell me he was so depressed about a month after we broke up but I told him I was enjoying my life single. Now I am not, I have got everything I was working for when I was with him (good job etc) but now I am on my own. It's too late for us, he found someone almost straight away (unfortunately I know people who know him so I hear a few things that do not help). He even bought a house with them recently. They went on holiday the place we were going to go next. I can't just find someone else as well, I don't want anyone else! It's so pathetic but there you go. Stop watching the videos and pictures; put them away in a box in the attic. Start doing something new. Learn a skill, join a new social group, do some voluntary work. Do something that you enjoy. Don't bother about looking for anyone else, concentrate on looking after you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babooshka Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 Bless you. It is hardly surprising that you feel this way considering that you have been with this one person...and since the age of 16! However, breaking up is a fact of life, and whether you like it or not, it certainly sounds like when this relationship finished, it finished for good. So, now it's down to you! You sink or swim, and I suggest you swim. I think after a year apart, it sounds like you need to make more of an effort to find yourself, and look after YOU. Are you actually getting involved in other things? Are you making new friends, and meeting new people. If you are going to continually dwell on your ex, then you are not going to get anywhere. It is over, and you need to start YOUR life. Nothing lasts forever. You say you did not know what it is like to be alone...but by the sound of it, you don't yet know what that means. Being alone can be fantastic! You are really not helping yourself by playing your videos etc. Get out there and seize life. Enrol in something new. Devise some structure to your days so that you have something each day on which you can focus. You are still so young, you have so many people yet to meet. There is more than just that one man out there, trust me. There are so many wonderful people in the world. Now, go and meet them xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discodown Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 Other people have been in this position and they (by they I include me) also felt helpless and foolish at the time. Its been a big breakup and an important part of your life is now done with. Its always hard to move on but move on you must... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sccsux Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 Stop watching the videos and pictures; put them away in a box in the attic. Or in the bin:thumbsup:. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suffragette1 Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 Are you sure that your nostalgia is not because of the fact that he's now happily (one assumes) ensconced with someone else? Did you feel that the way you do know before you knew he'd met someone else? You said that you were enjoying your new found singlehood quite soon after the split. They say that the first cut is the deepest (although this is not the case in my experience) but you've effectively grown up together, so it will have been really hard for you. I'm not sure that there is any time limit on grieving for a relationship, especially one that you embarked on so young. As others have said, if I were you, I'd explore doing something new that will make you feel proud of yourself and make arrangements to do/see things that will give you something to look forward to. Try and keep busy and don't even think about meeting someone new, you're still really young and have the rest of your life ahead of you. You're also more likely to attract someone with whom you can have a good relationship when you feel happy and confident. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CottonTop Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 There is no set time frame to move past a relationship. It is different for everyone. So....its taken you a year to get where you are and it still isn't where you want to be. Now its time to reanalyze things. I think Halibut and Baboushka gave great advice on getting out, meeting new people, and trying new things. Put the photos away and letters and whatever else. And don't go looking for anyone. It seems the more you look the less likely you are to find. One day, when you least expect it, you will find someone but until that happens, you need to learn to love yourself and be comfortable with yourself. Nothing attracts another person like self confidence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clare85 Posted October 18, 2010 Author Share Posted October 18, 2010 I am definitely not jealous of her or them or whatever they have I'm really sure of that. He is such an amazing person I want him to be happy. But I wish it was still me making him happy. I wish I did even better for him! I needed time to myself and I did feel like I was missing out. I felt a bit tied down and I was a bit worried that my whole life was going to be a bit of a routine, I was so scared of getting old. Thanks for the advice so far...but I'm not hiding away or anything - I have achieved a lot this year but now I think what is the point in all that when there is no one to share it with. I'd love to pick up the phone now for instance and tell him I passed my driving test, just so we could laugh about it because I failed so many times when we were together. I have a lot more friends and social life than I did with him but in a way I wish I 'lived' a bit first and did all this before he came along, I think if it didn't come so early in my life I'd have it all now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suffragette1 Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 I am definitely not jealous of her or them or whatever they have I'm really sure of that. He is such an amazing person I want him to be happy. But I wish it was still me making him happy. I wish I did even better for him! I needed time to myself and I did feel like I was missing out. I felt a bit tied down and I was a bit worried that my whole life was going to be a bit of a routine, I was so scared of getting old. Thanks for the advice so far...but I'm not hiding away or anything - I have achieved a lot this year but now I think what is the point in all that when there is no one to share it with. I'd love to pick up the phone now for instance and tell him I passed my driving test, just so we could laugh about it because I failed so many times when we were together. I have a lot more friends and social life than I did with him but in a way I wish I 'lived' a bit first and did all this before he came along, I think if it didn't come so early in my life I'd have it all now. So much about relationships (and life in general) is about timing, not only are they contingent upon compatibility, chemistry etc but so much also depends on at what stages in life both parties are at. I suspect that you're both completely different people to the ones that you were when you first met. It's impossible for most people to know what they want out of life when they're 16. I think that most people have been in the situation where the first person whom they've wanted to call has been their ex, but that will fade with time. You will probably always have strong feelings for him, however, try and remember why it was that you were 'on and off' prior to the final split, there must have been a reason for you to have such strong doubts? Hang onto that and try not to look at it with rose tinted glasses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey lover Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 So much about relationships (and life in general) is about timing, The story of my life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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