Agent Orange Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 which we wont get because the mother wont allow it, we know why is doing it, because she told her little girl that her hubby is her dad he has brought her up from being a newborn, which i understand to a degree but if my hubby is the girls dad he has a right to know, i could understand if my hubby was a lowlife scumbag but he isnt, he is a fantastic daddy and hubby, and she knows that! As per below.... If your husband wishes to have a DNA test to verify the child's paternity and the child's mother is not cooperating then it is possible to compel a DNA sample and test using a court order, but once this has happened then it also has other consequences, such as paying for the child's upkeep and having parental responsibility in terms of caring for the child. And a positive DNA test won't automatically give the natural father any access rights etc. I believe that would have to be sorted out through the legal channels, if the mother of this girl is so adamant to keep the natural father off the scene. It could prove to be a lengthy and somewhat costly task. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angelstars Posted October 19, 2010 Author Share Posted October 19, 2010 If they have a secure family unit, I can understand her telling her 6 year old daughter that. The day will come when she's older for further explanations. With respect, he might be a fantastic daddy to your children, but you said he wanted nothing to do with his potential daughter - not a great statement for a supposed fantastic daddy. like i said i think he said that for my sake, when i first found out i was devastated, the thing is my hubby has always wanted a little girl, then our special little girl was born but she died of cotdeath, ive never really got over that, i miss her dearly, then i found out i cant have anymore kids, so when i found out that he may have his special little girl afterall it broke my heart, i felt as if our daughters memory didnt matter anymore, i know none of this might not make sense to you, but like i said we will cross that bridge if and when we come to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoop Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 like i said i think he said that for my sake, when i first found out i was devastated, the thing is my hubby has always wanted a little girl, then our special little girl was born but she died of cotdeath, ive never really got over that, i miss her dearly, then i found out i cant have anymore kids, so when i found out that he may have his special little girl afterall it broke my heart, i felt as if our daughters memory didnt matter anymore, i know none of this might not make sense to you, but like i said we will cross that bridge if and when we come to it. Thats terribly sad, and I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter - but this isn't about you, your husband and your family. It's about another little girl and her family who you are considering inflicting devastation on. And for what? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bagger Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 like i said i think he said that for my sake, when i first found out i was devastated, the thing is my hubby has always wanted a little girl, then our special little girl was born but she died of cotdeath, ive never really got over that, i miss her dearly, then i found out i cant have anymore kids, so when i found out that he may have his special little girl afterall it broke my heart, i felt as if our daughters memory didnt matter anymore, i know none of this might not make sense to you, but like i said we will cross that bridge if and when we come to it. My daughter is 7 but looks 9. Maybe this woman's daughter IS 6? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BananaSplit Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 i think secretly he does want contact, maybe he said he doesnt for my sake, i dont know, we will cross that bridge when we come to it, lets just find out if she is his, and as for the csa claim.... my hubby will make sure his daughter wont go without if she is. If I may, I'm going to be really honest and frank with you, because I can see an exact situation occuring that happened with my eldests father........ My sons father had nothing to do with him for the first 16 years - he did pay maintainance, I'll credit him with that, but as far as contact went, he didn't want to know. When my son was 16, I got a letter from his father, telling me that he was now married with 2 boys and the experience of fatherhood had made him realise what he had missed out on with my son, and he asked for contact. Bearing in mind my son was 16, I didn't think the decision was mine to make alone, so I spoke to my son, who after much thought, agreed to contact. Initially it was by email and all went well. Meanwhile, I was curious as to why his father had suddenly changed his mind (long story but loads of arguments about maintainance etc only a few months earlier where he had said some awful things) so I asked if I could meet him for a coffee so we could have a chat face to face... At this point, his new wife completely took over the situation - to the point where she was emailling me incessantly, refusing to let my ex meet me OR our son..the whole horrific episode ended up with me telling the pair of them to eff off until they had sorted out their own insecurities because whilst I understood her concern, ultimately it was my son who suffered in all this - his dad wanted to see him, no he didn't, yes he did, no he didn't etc... All I asked for was a coffee - I was even told by her where and when it was to take place...in the midst of all her insecurity was a lad desperate to see his Dad, but she put paid to all that. To this day (he's now 19) they haven't met and I firmly lay the blame at the wifes door. PLEASE don't be like that with your hubbys potential daughter - I can completely understand your concern and worry, but this womans ultimate concern will be for her daughter, and it seems like she is perfectly happy in a new relationship to not even think about your ex in that way again. Sorry if I'm waffling, but please PM if you like - my exes wife became the unreasonable woman from hell and I'd hate to see this end in tears like my situation did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bagger Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 Thats terribly sad, and I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter - but this isn't about you, your husband and your family. It's about another little girl and her family who you are considering inflicting devastation on. And for what? Completely agree. Your husband sounds as if he's motivated by what HE wants, HIS idea of having a daughter. Would he be as bothered if this child was a boy I wonder? And if he's got no intention of having contact why does he need to know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angelstars Posted October 19, 2010 Author Share Posted October 19, 2010 Thats terribly sad, and I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter - but this isn't about you, your husband and your family. It's about another little girl and her family who you are considering inflicting devastation on. And for what? it doesnt matter now anyway, a very kind person has found the girls D.O.B for us, we now know the girl is not my husbands daughter, thanks all so much for your help though, its been a tough few weeks, but we can put it to rest now and let that beautifull little girl live a great life with her family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bagger Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 it doesnt matter now anyway, a very kind person has found the girls D.O.B for us, we now know the girl is not my husbands daughter, thanks all so much for your help though, its been a tough few weeks, but we can put it to rest now and let that beautifull little girl live a great life with her family. That's great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeadingNorth Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 ... if my hubby is the girls dad he has a right to know He does not. The laws are framed for the interest of the child, not that of the parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BananaSplit Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 it doesnt matter now anyway, a very kind person has found the girls D.O.B for us, we now know the girl is not my husbands daughter, thanks all so much for your help though, its been a tough few weeks, but we can put it to rest now and let that beautifull little girl live a great life with her family. I don't believe you. Seems to me the replies haven't been to your liking. Hope I'm wrong, in which case thank the lord the little girl isn't your hubbys! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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