Mondeo Man Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 Man up and the next time he makes unreasonable demands, cut him off from contact for a month. If he does it again, make it two months. Does he have court ordered contact rights If so, then the OP would be well advised not to deny contact, because she would be in contempt of court. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babooshka Posted October 28, 2010 Author Share Posted October 28, 2010 And of course he has no rights to insist on seeing her, nor is it fundamental to the handover arrangements. It may be a problem Suff, but I believe one that is easily resolved. I've not read through all the thread, but Im assuming custody/access arrangements have been formally agreed, in which case a letter from the OP's solicitor to the father's outlining the arrangements for handover and inviting his comments if he disagrees and his reasons why should suffice (since he cant have any legitimate objections to the child being presented to the aunt/granny). If he fails to hand the child back at the appointed time then he would be in breach of the court order outlining custody arrangements. Yes, boy.. we agree to contact arrangements, but the letter sent to my ex's solicitor detailing my stipulations re handover have not been welcomed. His reasons being 'it is not in his son's best interest' to hand him directly to anyone other than me...even though my mum would be at my house. I, personally, believe that because he and my mother had a little spat, after he called her to tell her what he thought of me, late one night, and then called her again to tell her I owe him money (which I don't, and which I have proved I don't, and which he has, therefore, never mentioned again 'cos he now realises that I don't), he just does not want to have to include my mother in this. My solicitor has tried to dissuade me from filing an application for a Court Order at this point, saying that I should leave it to HIM to make the application if he does not agree with something. I have arranged for my mum, and also a friend to be here on Saturday, so I guess it is just a matter of wait and see. Will be interesting if he refuses to get him out of the car until I go to the door. I am certainly in for more textual abuse later...but, again, police not interested unless it threatens my life. I will wait and see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babooshka Posted October 28, 2010 Author Share Posted October 28, 2010 Right, not going to bore anyone with this anymore. I will wait and see what happens on Saturday!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Prime Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 I thought I'd add my two pennorth as a man who's parents went through a bitter divorce and witnessed these scenarios and as a former judges clerk in the family court for years. Babooshka, your attitude is very reasonable and the majority of advice on here has been great bar the pedants. I witnessed thousands of cases like this once they reached court and I have to say your scenario has court settlement written all over it. I would stick with your solicitor's advice and let him make the running. It occurs to me that he may be trying to get it in court anyway in the belief this would benefit him. Now he has no right to stipulate the pick up point being your house or your presence. I never saw this being demanded ever so he is unique. Most people want to avoid exes so he clearly has a fixation on you. He probably believes and he may be right, that a judge would order that you meet him halfway. He could be successful in getting you to deliver your son to him where he lives. The judge would take an unemotional practical view as to convenience for both parties. The fact your ex created the situation probably wouldn't come into it. This Saturday will be a stalemate situation and he will be thinking "she'll crack first". I guess if he sits there for hours with your son in the car your son will get restless and he may feel the need to bring him to the door. He will be expecting the emotional pull of your son being in the car to make you crack and come to the door. This reminds me of my own childhood! It has obviously occurred to you already but stick with the pretence of niceness in front of your son. My brothers and I witnessed both calling each other every name under the sun and my mother using us as bargaining chips and being un co-operative to 'teach him a lesson'. Not pleasant and it does stay in the kids minds for years. So good for you that you have not descended to pettiness. My only criticism of you regards the police. They can't be expected to get too involved, their job is to maintain the peace e.g. only reacting to happening events or events they think are about to happen. If they started turning up at every handover I expect a quarter of every force in the land would be doing nothing but that every day. It always made me wince in court when people said "he was 5 minutes late returning our son so I called the police". A total waste of time and most people demand to know why the police aren't out catching criminals. The other downside is that if the troublemaker also makes accusations they also have to take them equally seriously and both sides end up getting charged. Otherwise good luck and like everyone else I am interested to see how this turns out. He seems amazingly selfish to want to end the relationship on dirty grounds then start calling all the shots. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plain Talker Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 I think you've hit the nail on the head totally, there Mr Prime. Baboshka has made every effort to be reasonable with this louse of an ex, through everything the so-and-so has thrown at her (from making her traipse up and down the country, to making a play for her whilst with his new woman, to this current and ongoing stunt he's pulling, of trying to use her child as a pawn and a bargaining tool) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babooshka Posted October 28, 2010 Author Share Posted October 28, 2010 Thank you for such an insightful piece of advice Mr Prime. Much appreciated. I have had one minor victory since my last post. He has written to my solicitor asking if it is all right for his parents to drop our son at my house, to which I have obviously reponded 'of course!' I do not mind who returns him, as long as I do not have to deal with my ex. His parents, unfortunately, can not do this every time as they live in Somerset. (They are staying with him at the moment). However, it seems that there is the intention of getting him returned as per the specified time and date. He will have to do it next time though, but he should realise that this will only be twice per month. He needs to grow up. From what I know about him (and I lived with him for a long time) he has major insecurity issues due to many things about his upbringing, but in to which I will not venture on here. That, coupled with the nature of his job, makes for a shocking combination of attitude and behaviour on his part. He wants to tell everyone how to live their lives, and expects them to follow his commands, and have them worship him for his authority (more than any MAN I know!! hee hee) excessively so. Anyway, I don't feel so heavy-hearted and melancholy right now, and I am just looking forward to his return, and dressing up with him for the party. One battle down....who knows how many to go! (I am sure Ill let you know!!!) Thank you to all! xxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyclone Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 What would be the repercussions for me if I should do this? Christ, he would kill me. Firstly, if you really believed that then you're better off with no contact anyway, and if he turned up you could call the police. Secondly, well, I doubt you mean it literally, but it clearly shows that you're still giving him power over you. This is exactly what you have to overcome. Stand up for yourself, nobody on the forum is going to do, no agency is going to do it, only you can do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyclone Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 What we don't know is the extent of the relationship the son has with his father, so that could be a dangerous strategy as the son may well believe the mother is keeping him away from his father (which she is) for her own agenda, so it could backfire spectacularly. As far as possible the son should be kept out of this argument (he might see no problem in his father dropping him off directly to his mother and I can imagine a manipulative parent could sell the idea to him very easily). In the OP's position, I would have one of her relatives at the house with her to conduct the handover as she suggested. Logistically it would be impractical and awkward for the father to refuse to hand the child over on the doorstep to his granny or auntie, the father would also look a fool in front of his son if he acted that way, especially if the mother explained to the son what was going to happen beforehand, assuming he's of an age of understanding. Isn't the child in question a bit young to be thinking it through this far? Yes, asking her mum to come to her house to take the boy back would work, but it's playing to his tune, which he is only using to exert control. He's clearly a bully and enjoys having power over someone who should have told him where to stuff it a long time ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyclone Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 Does he have court ordered contact rights If so, then the OP would be well advised not to deny contact, because she would be in contempt of court. I don't believe he does, wasn't that stated earlier on in the thread? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyclone Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 I have arranged for my mum, and also a friend to be here on Saturday, so I guess it is just a matter of wait and see. Will be interesting if he refuses to get him out of the car until I go to the door. I am certainly in for more textual abuse later...but, again, police not interested unless it threatens my life. I will wait and see. How would he know who was going to answer the door whilst still sat in the car? And why not get his number blocked, or make a complaint about the abusive messages to the police? A threatening text message is assault. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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