Collecting a Child

[Mr Prime]

How would he know who was going to answer the door whilst still sat in the car?

And why not get his number blocked, or make a complaint about the abusive messages to the police? A threatening text message is assault.

 

B said she needs to be available to him via mobile in case of emergencies. I thought perhaps 2 phones, idiot and normal would be the solution but that's another case of him taking over her life.

 

This has not gone to court yet and best it stays out in case Mr idiot wins a load of advantages via a sympathetic judge or better brief.

[Suffragette1]

Yes, boy.. we agree to contact arrangements, but the letter sent to my ex's solicitor detailing my stipulations re handover have not been welcomed. His reasons being 'it is not in his son's best interest' to hand him directly to anyone other than me...even though my mum would be at my house. I, personally, believe that because he and my mother had a little spat, after he called her to tell her what he thought of me, late one night, and then called her again to tell her I owe him money (which I don't, and which I have proved I don't, and which he has, therefore, never mentioned again 'cos he now realises that I don't), he just does not want to have to include my mother in this.

 

My solicitor has tried to dissuade me from filing an application for a Court Order at this point, saying that I should leave it to HIM to make the application if he does not agree with something.

 

I have arranged for my mum, and also a friend to be here on Saturday, so I guess it is just a matter of wait and see. Will be interesting if he refuses to get him out of the car until I go to the door. I am certainly in for more textual abuse later...but, again, police not interested unless it threatens my life.

 

I will wait and see.

 

I've just read this again - what utter BS 'His reasons being 'it is not in his son's best interest to hand him directly to anyone other than me'. So, it's OK for his girlfriend to be the handover person when your son is picked up from your mum's?

 

Is there any way that someone could discreetly record what happens on Saturday when he drops off your son? I'm seeing my friend who has zero contact with her ex and handover is all done via 3rd parties, tomorrow. I'll ask her how she went about it, however, I think it entailed several trips to court.

[Cyclone]

B said she needs to be available to him via mobile in case of emergencies. I thought perhaps 2 phones, idiot and normal would be the solution but that's another case of him taking over her life.

 

This has not gone to court yet and best it stays out in case Mr idiot wins a load of advantages via a sympathetic judge or better brief.

 

Family courts are notoriously in favour of mothers. It's not a situation I like, it's an unfair bias, but in this case it would go in B's favour.

Maybe a pager for emergencies. Or a land line and an answerphone...

 

Or actually answer phone is the answer. Block his texts and always let his calls go to answer phone. If they become abusive, play them to the police.

[Suffragette1]

Family courts are notoriously in favour of mothers. It's not a situation I like, it's an unfair bias, but in this case it would go in B's favour.

Maybe a pager for emergencies. Or a land line and an answerphone...

 

Or actually answer phone is the answer. Block his texts and always let his calls go to answer phone. If they become abusive, play them to the police.

 

I think that this is gradually changing and quite rightly, the interests of the child/ren should be paramount.

 

It's difficult, as personally I would want to be contactable at all times in case of emergencies. I don't know whether there is any merit in trying to obtain an agreement that all (text) contact must cease except when making handover arrangements or if there is some kind of emergency.

[Cyclone]

Letting him leave a voice mail and then checking it leaves you contactable, just not open to a conversation with him.

[Donkey lover]

Letting him leave a voice mail and then checking it leaves you contactable, just not open to a conversation with him.

 

And that was half the problem I had!

[Mr Prime]

The important question is what happened today?

[Babooshka]

Well.....in the end, his paternal grandparents returned him to my mother.

 

What has left me gobsmacked is that both he and I have just spend £X on solicitor fees for letters arranging Contact (ie two weekends per month) etc...but yesterday, his parents told my mum to advise me that he would not be able to do this. ie ...he is not prepared to make two round trips to Sheffield per month to collect our son. He has decided to only have him during the holidays. This is purely and simply because he does not wish to undertake anything additional to his job. His job, and his pension (and I must say, this is probably 5 times what the average person earns!) has always been, and will always be the most important thing in his life. He will not go even remotely part time (and there are numerous different % part time working contracts in our company) to free up a bit of extra energy to drive to Sheffield.

 

Again, I reiterate to him that I did not give up most of my working life and, therefore, pension (leaving me with very little) to make time for ME to do most of the driving, so that HE can carry on earning all the money he does. I gave it up to spend time with my son. It saddens me that he can not prioritise his life, to do the same.

 

My offer of two weekends will always remain, as will the opportunity to call him directly for chats whenever he likes. In light of his behaviour, that is all I am prepared to do. I wonder if he will go on to have children with his girlfriend now. Hmmmm.

[kittenta]

In the end Babooshka, your son will make up his own mind about who the blame lies with regarding lack of contact with his father. You have left the door open (so to speak) for access and have never denied it and that will make the world of difference to your son as he grows up.

 

The truth always comes out in the end and your son will see for himself what his father is like.

 

I have been in a similar situation, although your ex sounds rather mild tempered compared to mine. I have never denied contact even though he tells people that I have. Mine even went to a solicitor to arrange contact, which I happily agreed to but it only took a few weeks for him to tell my son over the internet to go away (just not so politely). I now just leave them to it. If they want to phone him or go round I just tell them ok. He slags me off to them but I just shrug it off, i'm not bothered. He sees them maybe once or twice a fortnight now.

 

It is all about control. How these so called parents (and both mothers and fathers do it) can be more interested in trying to control the ex instead of concentrating on the children baffles me.

 

My children are now forming their own opinions on the whole situation and their father and know that none of the problems are down to me. Your son will see this too in his own time, just don't influence him. Always be honest and truthful with him and he will be fine.

 

Good luck with it all, I know first hand how frustrating it can be wanting the best for your child when others don't seem to.

[Dozy]

Well.....in the end, his paternal grandparents returned him to my mother.

 

What has left me gobsmacked is that both he and I have just spend £X on solicitor fees for letters arranging Contact (ie two weekends per month) etc...but yesterday, his parents told my mum to advise me that he would not be able to do this. ie ...he is not prepared to make two round trips to Sheffield per month to collect our son. He has decided to only have him during the holidays. This is purely and simply because he does not wish to undertake anything additional to his job. His job, and his pension (and I must say, this is probably 5 times what the average person earns!) has always been, and will always be the most important thing in his life. He will not go even remotely part time (and there are numerous different % part time working contracts in our company) to free up a bit of extra energy to drive to Sheffield.

 

Again, I reiterate to him that I did not give up most of my working life and, therefore, pension (leaving me with very little) to make time for ME to do most of the driving, so that HE can carry on earning all the money he does. I gave it up to spend time with my son. It saddens me that he can not prioritise his life, to do the same.

 

My offer of two weekends will always remain, as will the opportunity to call him directly for chats whenever he likes. In light of his behaviour, that is all I am prepared to do. I wonder if he will go on to have children with his girlfriend now. Hmmmm.

 

It just shows that his main concern is controlling what happens, rather than seeing his child - what a (fill in appropriate word).

 

I wouldn't be inclined to rely on what his parents have told your mum - it would be very easy for him to turn round in the future and say it wasn't true, and that you've decided to deny him access.

 

I'd write him a letter - or get your solicitor to - setting out the new arrangements he's requested and asking for confirmation that they are correct. That way, you've covered yourself for his next little tantrum.