gina2007 Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 So, I come from a pretty dysfunctional family, and as far as tradition goes well it doesnt! My real dad, is in my life - but isnt/wont be invited to our wedding. Various reasons, which I dont want to go into. My mums partner, how do I put him into words? He isnt giving me away, end of that suggestion! My real grandad, lives down south and ive never met him since he got divorced to my gran quite some years ago. My nans current partner, im not in his good books - I lost something precious to him and he hasnt spoken to me in months. To put it blunt, I think he'll be dead by the time we get married anyway. Hes on his last legs as it is. Anyway, would it be frowned upon if I had my brother-in-law? A few people ive come across and suggested it, looked at me though I was an alien form of life... Everyone seems to think its 'wrong' but when asked why, they cant answer, saying its not tradition... well is it not tradition to work on your marriage if it hits a rocky patch?? Not naming any names.... (above)!!!!!!! Im already hitting a rocky patch as far as familys are concerned. My family - Church, Formal sit down dinner, knees up. Thats their kind of day... OH's family, Civil at SWFC ground, with a sit down there... and a reception at... Niagra. But we just want one place, to hold everything, throughout the day. Somewhere pretty central to everyone, that has a nice garden area (summer wedding), where we can have pretty photos and a nice BBQ buffet... this is soooo frowned upon and now I darent even talk about it to anymore of the family! We cant book anywhere incase our families disagree... grrr Any help?? Any smart, quick, one liners that you suggest to hand back? Im usually quick off the mark but lately im just stumped with peoples reactions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghostrider Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 Both of you do a runner to Gretna Green for a couple of weeks, get 2 witnesses off the street - job done Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilypiglet Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 It's yours and your OH's day.....do what YOU want to do!!! If family can't be supportive of the decisions YOU make for YOUR wedding, then they don't deserve an invite!! Have you thought of a civil wedding at a hotel, everything in one place..Kenwood is really good, had my wedding there and have been to 3 others also. Good luck, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funkymiss Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 Could your mum give you away? My fiance's dad was never around so his mum gave his sister away. She was honoured! I can't see anything wrong with your brother in law giving you away either. You need to hold your wedding where you want. We were unsure whether to do church or civil due to families but eventually went with what we want. I personally don't see the point in getting married in a church for the sake of anyone else, or if you don't go to church. If people don't like it, they don't have to come Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Moomin Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 I agree with the above, you both need to stick to your guns and have the day you want. My family isn't the most stable either, so I feel your pain with the issues it causes. I have only just started seeing my dad agaion after many years, but I don't thinkl I want him to give me away, however he will more than likely be at the wedding and I think anyone else doing it may well be a big too much of a snub, so I'm not going to have any one actually give me away. I have 3 great friends as bridesmaids and that will do me! Howver, if you want someone to do it, then as far as I see it, it is an honourary position now, seeing sa fathers no longer have ownership of their daughters, so I would ask someone you feel close to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weenireeni Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 I had my Mum walk me down the aisle, she was so honoured and everyone thought it was lovely. I dont get on with my dad, but didnt feel the need to have a man give me away. choose who is most important to you! as for families not agreeing on your venue, we had similar issues with people saying they wouldnt travel to our wedding (50 miles). in the end we booked where we wanted (ringwood hall) and said people can either come and enjoy our wedding, or not come and we've saved money! in the end only a few people declined invites and we gave plenty of notice for people wanting to stay over. I can def reccommend ringwood hall for ceremony/reception, we had an amazing day and they often have special offers on. we had looked at venues like mosborough hall and the quotes were double, ouch! at the end of the day, do what ever you and your hubby want, its your day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FallenAngel6 Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 My brother was originally going to walk me down the isle because we wasnt sure if my dad would be able to make it (he is now) In the end hun its your wedding no one elses. I think my family would hve rather me had my reception in Hillsborough but the fact is we've chosen the place WE want because its sentimental to US. Do it how you want, its your day and your marraige not theres/ xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gina2007 Posted October 21, 2010 Author Share Posted October 21, 2010 I dont want my mum, shes never been the motherly type so having her do that. She'd probably turn me down if I asked. I feel like we're torn between the families expectations and stuff. We're booking our chosen venue this weekend (hopefully!!!) but keeping it a secret for now, until other things are finalised ie colour scheme - which has both families arguing over... Eeeee! I feel like its not my day, even though yous are all saying it, because im criticised for my every move. I dont want a white/ivory dress, I want the colour dress what my scheme is going to be... but family dont like/want/agree with this idea Considering, finding a pretty little reg office somewhere and making a weekend of it Just me, my OH, our son and 2 random tramps off the streets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emma.82 Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 was just going to say what fallen angel has said, if my dad couldnt give me away Id ask my brother who i know would be just as hounered, ask who you want and know will be proud to do it hun x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funkymiss Posted October 29, 2010 Share Posted October 29, 2010 I feel very lucky. Neither of our parents have butted in over anything. I think if you are going to do it your way you just have to be very straight with everyone. Explain that if they don't like your dress/venue etc they don't have to come! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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