scribe Posted November 18, 2010 Share Posted November 18, 2010 Hello SF. Been away for a while ( No not there) Just very busy and not really had time to sit down and write:loopy:.Please feel free to comment.Scribe http://sheffieldwriters.ath.cx/SFStoryArchive/1290107612.docx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Blanco Posted November 29, 2010 Share Posted November 29, 2010 Hello scribe. Thanks for this unusual story which brings together guitar-playing rabbits, a culinary hyena, and a foxy riddler. I have to admit, I've not read anything like it before! An enjoyable glimpse into a crazy underworld. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maidinsheff Posted December 5, 2010 Share Posted December 5, 2010 Hi Scribe I really liked this story - I love off-beat stuff. After my toasting from Mantaspook I don't feel qualified to offer anyone an opinion but for what it is worth, I think the story would benefit from punctuation as sometimes it is not clear what is happening or who is speaking. I am also not sure whether Hoby (or Hobby) is dreaming some if not all of it. There is some great humour in it too - eg being killed by the No13 bus after dodging all the other traffic and you could develop this further. I would like to see an updated/edited version. An enjoyable read nevertheless. MiS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geza Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Hi Scribe- this was such good fun to read. It's like Watership Down meets Reservoir Dogs (Reservoir Bugs perhaps? I could even hear the revised words to Gery Raferty's ''stuck in the middle with you'' as ''Stuck in a vegetable stew'' ), and then it all got a bit Kung Fu Panda, which made me laugh. This line is a gem, 'I have mastered the art of riddles over many years, but Sudoku I cannot do'. There are quotation issues that need addressing, you use 'were' instead of we're (we are) and Hoby's name changes to Hobby half way through, but these are all things that are easily amended in a final edit. As a concept for a story- I enjoyed it. I could see it as an animated film. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scribe Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 Hello and thanks for your comments. Of course you are all quite right regarding the punctuation. I never was any good at it.Hoby has a way to go yet, but as you have said it needs to be edited and done again ,but I'm pleased you enjoyed it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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