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How To Wear A Beany


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Back in the summer I spent 20 nick nicks on a Beany.

 

I`m sure you`ve seen them, those daft hats that the young uns wear, they look a bit like a rugby sock and theyre pulled way down over the lug oyles and forehead.

 

I saw one, it has a little metal skull on it, I loved it and I bloody-well went and bought it!

 

 

Got home, put it on and was almost deafened by the derisive, screeching laughter of my OH (may the lord turn her forehead into a chivers jelly) who informed me that I looked more than mildly retarded in it and no 49 year old in his right mind would wear a beany!

 

So, I looked in the mirror....

 

What gaped back at me was something I dont want to see again in a hurry, now I KNOW I`m not pretty, I`m fully aware that I was designed for better things than just being eye candy and I dont mind looking a bit....rough, but the nightmare that grinned back at me from that mirror brought me out in a cold sweat and gave me the horrors for a week.

 

So I put a pic of myself wearing the hat onto Facebook....

 

And instantly lost 53 friends.

 

So, I adapted it, I folded it over and wear it like a regular woolly hat now.

 

Ok, the sight isnt much better, but at least I get lots of sweets given to me in the street by old ladies who say things like `Awww bless him` and `Its a disgrace that someone like him should be allowed out on his own, I wonder where his handler is` and things along those lines.

 

What do you reckon, my little sex fiends? Is there an age range for beany wearers? Should I bin the beany or keep wearing it and continue to get sweeties given to me by kindly ladies...? Should I adapt it into a hat or do the beany thing and scare people as I lope along the street looking like a tortoise with teeth?

 

I need a reply quickly before the cold weather hits and I lose an ear lobe to frost bite!

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No Jabbers, just no. Men wearing beanies over the age of about 25 always look like they're about to rob a bank. (Not that i'm saying you look over 25 of course.. just food for thought).

 

But Im always about to rob a bank! I`ll do it too one day, I bloody will!

 

 

I like the hat though, it annoys the OH!

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