skinz Posted November 25, 2010 Share Posted November 25, 2010 I disagree. fairydust04 should not need to look for a way out. She should stick like glue to the family home and the kids. If he wants to split, then make him go. If she leaves, it puts her at a disadvantage. Don't give up the home. Its not her responsibility to leave just because he wants her to. The one exception to this is if actual violence or the risk of it is involved. Even then, the starting point should be force him to leave. However, personal safety may prevent this. I never once suggested she should look for a way out, in fact the opposite. What I did suggest is that should things get awkward she finds a retreat for her own safety. It's pretty stupid to stay in a situation just to make a point by getting your head caved in by a violent partner. A roof over my head would be last on the list if that was the case. Women are abused because they are afraid to leave, all I'm saying is don't be, cover all eventualities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairydust04 Posted November 26, 2010 Author Share Posted November 26, 2010 we had a talk last night whilst kids were at nannies, and he really opened up for once, but not in the way i was expecting! he said, " if you started to dress more like a girl and lose a bit of weight on that bum, get it tight like them girls i see on tv i wont have to look at fit girls will i" keeping calm i said ok carrie on, he said " and other thing stop shouting, you sound like a chav, speak calm like a nice pretty girl would" by this time my blood is boiling but i gave him no reaction as i knew thats what he wanted so i would storm out , so i said ok love anything else? and the argument just esculated like normal, he acts and talks like i disgust him just lately and is a total control freak, but i have a plan.... christmas is coming up and my kids are the most important thing to me, they love christmas, so ive decided to stay untill after then. meanwhile in these four weeks hubby thinks im bowing to his every need and trying to change to be the perfect girl he has always wanted, when actually im going to be saving up for a deposit for a house for me and my children to private rent, then when hubby is at work my and kids will just leave! by then i will have enough saved to support me and my kids while everything gets sorted out social wise ect.. if ive learnt anything these past few months its dont under estimate your marriage, we was so strong and unbreakable and so much in love, that was clear for anyone to see, but everything changed at the drop of the hat and i didnt see it coming. When talking to hubby last night night i realised that he is no longer the man i married, i cant stand the man and want him out of my life. He is then free to go and find that perfect fit girl he goes on about so often.... but i place my bets that my hubby will be a lonely man for quite some time and its all his own fault! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smithy266 Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 so he is a bit of a dish then? Swarthy, muscular, deep voice, good head of tidy hair, well-paid job, dresses well, respected by his peers... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suffragette1 Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 I didn't say that you weren't entitled to any rights, I said you aren't automatically entitled to half of everything. It is quite a complicated area of the law regarding giving up work and looking after children if there is no express agreement/contributions to the mortgage. Surely, it depends on the length of a marriage. If someone has recently married and decide to separate and they moved into a house that belonged or was mortgaged by the other party, then they wouldn't automatically get half. In the case of the OP, if the house were mortgaged/belonged to her husband then she would be entitled to half and he would also have to pay maintenance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suffragette1 Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 we had a talk last night whilst kids were at nannies, and he really opened up for once, but not in the way i was expecting! he said, " if you started to dress more like a girl and lose a bit of weight on that bum, get it tight like them girls i see on tv i wont have to look at fit girls will i" keeping calm i said ok carrie on, he said " and other thing stop shouting, you sound like a chav, speak calm like a nice pretty girl would" by this time my blood is boiling but i gave him no reaction as i knew thats what he wanted so i would storm out , so i said ok love anything else? and the argument just esculated like normal, he acts and talks like i disgust him just lately and is a total control freak, but i have a plan.... christmas is coming up and my kids are the most important thing to me, they love christmas, so ive decided to stay untill after then. meanwhile in these four weeks hubby thinks im bowing to his every need and trying to change to be the perfect girl he has always wanted, when actually im going to be saving up for a deposit for a house for me and my children to private rent, then when hubby is at work my and kids will just leave! by then i will have enough saved to support me and my kids while everything gets sorted out social wise ect.. if ive learnt anything these past few months its dont under estimate your marriage, we was so strong and unbreakable and so much in love, that was clear for anyone to see, but everything changed at the drop of the hat and i didnt see it coming. When talking to hubby last night night i realised that he is no longer the man i married, i cant stand the man and want him out of my life. He is then free to go and find that perfect fit girl he goes on about so often.... but i place my bets that my hubby will be a lonely man for quite some time and its all his own fault! I'm not surprised that your blood is boiling with rage. I take it that he is fit and can boast a six pack? I hope that he doesn't read this board otherwise your plan may be compromised. I'd recommend that you ask the mods to delete this thread and be careful in whom you confide. You never know who you can trust and your husband may have friends who use SF and recognise the situation. Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
only_me Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 Just out of curiosity does your husband know you are writing these things on here? It would be intresting to know his reaction about what people think of him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aries22 Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 It seems to me that he is saying you have let yourself go, from the girl he married, maybe he has too, give him something to concentrate on himself, is he still romantic, does he take you out, that type of thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noob Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 Yeah, looks like the end of the road for this relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suffragette1 Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 It seems to me that he is saying you have let yourself go, from the girl he married, maybe he has too, give him something to concentrate on himself, is he still romantic, does he take you out, that type of thing. Most women gain a little weight, as do non-child bearing men, so what's their excuse? It's hard work looking after a family. If something as superficial as her 'having let herself go' is the reason for him behaving like this, then frankly he's not worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnailyBoy Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 well clearly he's not is he, which begs the question has he really told her that or has he told you he said that to her to keep you quiet, my advice:- get down to housing tell them you and your kids are going be made homeless in the very near future. inform police of the situation so they have it on record and can act quickly if need be. goto your bank and inform them you want any joint accounts frozen or if you have access withdraw the cash and stash it in another account. contact your family and tell them whats happened and if you can make things up with them after all blood is thicker than water. and get yourself a soliciter before he does and get what your owed. P.S goto social and see what they can do for you money wise Let me get this straight. Your husband has been married to you for 9 years, you have kids and all live together in the marital home, and now that he's bored he thinks he can dump you and kick you out on the street with nothing? This is laughable. If you are telling the truth that is one dumb ass you are married to. Don't leave the home. Get a solicitor and they will laugh at him for you. Then he should go. Not you. You are supposing that fairydust04 WILL be made homeless. I believe that she should do all she can to avoid this. If he wants to leave, then he can. She should not just accept that she must leave because he wants her to. As others have said, I hope she gets some advice (CAB, maybe?) So would the same advice follow if the genders in this situation are reversed? Like this for example I disagree. ******* should not need to look for a way out. He should stick like glue to the family home and the kids. If she wants to split, then make her go. If he leaves, it puts him at a disadvantage. Don't give up the home. Its not his responsibility to leave just because she wants him to. Doesn't quite ring true, does it? Every man I know where their wife/partner has decided they'd like a break has ended up leaving their children and home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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