relost Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I may have made a mistake; Just employed a disabled elf to manage my garden facility. He arrived earlier on his Harley Goblinson motorbike (complete with stabilisers) and moved into the wendy house at the bottom of the garden ... just under the sycamore tree where the squirrels live. Yyffan the elf comes from Penperlleni in S Wales (just next door to Abergavenny) with a rather impressive CV. He designs custom made metallic red wheelchairs in his spare time. This will impress Stevie 'boy' Hawking no end. (Stevie 'boy's on an enforced holiday at the mo ... recuperating from his somewhat farcical stint of taking over from Santa Claus this Christmas) Thing is ... Yyffan's only been here for a couple of hours and already seems to be up to mischief! He's taken jump leads from my Small Fray Bentos Hadron Collider .... (3 phase if you please!) and wired them into the wendy house which now has the curtains closed! As I write ... the wendy house is illuminated from within by flashes of strange light, much akin to those given off by an arc welding machine! On top of that ... my favourite supercomputer (on free trial from the NASA- Ames Research centre) seems to have mysteriously disappeared! Do I have cause for concern ... what would you do? I sacked Yyffan this time last year. He has sexually harassed 3 of my male staff. Needless to say, he doesn't tell prospective employers. I suppose the order against him is slightly embarassing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alcoblog Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 Sorry for the confusion, I was referring to slugs for your blunderpuss to blow them away! Maybe a little over violent, so you could pack it full of grape berry moths. EDIT: Blunderbuss Jeez ... you had me worried for a mo! What the hell is a Blunderpuss? ... are they related to the Sten squirrels and the Heckler and Koch hamsters! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alcoblog Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 I sacked Yyffan this time last year. He has sexually harassed 3 of my male staff. Needless to say, he doesn't tell prospective employers. I suppose the order against him is slightly embarassing. Was he charged with goblin? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badgerramble Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 UPDATE ... Yyffan the Welsh elf definitely is in cahoots with the vertically challenged crack eastern disabled terrorist squad ... 'Al Quadriplegia'! He's manufacturing metallic red 'smart' wheelchairs by the dozen. They glisten in rows in the fading winter sunlight under the sycamore tree at the bottom of my garden facility as I write! Through sheer hard work and tenacity I've managed to decode their encrypted e(lf)-mails. The wheelchairs are armed with thermonuclear bruschetta launchers (with extra pepperoni if you please!) These are going to be used in an all out attack on Threshers (just up the road from my facility) Two of the wheelchairs are going to be propelled directly into the two twin Dormer windows in the roof of the building using rocket technology stolen from NASA. These WMD's (wheelchairs of mass destruction) will obviously obliterate all wine stocks ... thus sending the price of Pinot Grigiot spiralling! This is where the evil Yyffan comes into his own once again. I employed him as a gardener (as you know), now the metallic red wheelchairs are finished he's planting rows of grape vines in my garden ('vitis vinifera' variety ... look it up!) The aim of 'Al Quadriplegia' is simple ... take over the supply of Pinot and inherit the earth! What should I do about this ... alert the winemakers of europe or call in the rozzers? Has The Hawking been round for fray bentos yet ? You might be able to set Hawkers on them in his souped up wheelchair and at least prevent the attack on Threshers (do you mean the Bargain Booze in Crookes that used to be Threshers? This renaming of said shop could also be a chance to fool the blighters and send them marauding with their damned pepperoni to a Threshers elsewhere whilst you call in Angelina and Prof Brian Cox as reinforcements). Failing that you need to come up with some IEDs - Improvised Elf Devices Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GNK195 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I think you really need to get the the gnome office involved they may send some spooks and infiltrate their cell or even send in the SAS (Special Agogwe Service), but don't get the MET involved they have a tendency to switch sides! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
123456A Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Jeez ... you had me worried for a mo! What the hell is a Blunderpuss? ... are they related to the Sten squirrels and the Heckler and Koch hamsters! No, a blunderpuss is a cat that forgets where it is and does big poos in its own garden instead of the neighbourhood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattricia Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I have met alcoblog at a meet and he doesnt talk in riddles like this at all!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alcoblog Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 Has The Hawking been round for fray bentos yet ? You might be able to set Hawkers on them in his souped up wheelchair and at least prevent the attack on Threshers (do you mean the Bargain Booze in Crookes that used to be Threshers? This renaming of said shop could also be a chance to fool the blighters and send them marauding with their damned pepperoni to a Threshers elsewhere whilst you call in Angelina and Prof Brian Cox as reinforcements). Failing that you need to come up with some IEDs - Improvised Elf Devices Hawkings, Jolie, Cox and Dawkins are at this very mo being transported from their private holiday cottage on Tracey Island by John Travolta in Thunderbird 1.(As you know... Stevie 'boy' is recuperating from his takeover as Santa Claus this Christmas) Jeff Tracy really is a spoilsport ... JT wanted to borrow Thunderbird 2 but Jeff claimed it was on standby for an important mission and would say no more on the subject. I suspect something sinister is going on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alcoblog Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 UPDATE 22.45 pm 10 /1 /11 Brains and Parker are coming too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saxon51 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Should have paid heed to the old saying: "Yyffan Elf, JW, carol singer or bailiff knocks on your door, ignore it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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