feline Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 And how would you feel if your new beau had done it to you? What happens if months down the line your secret slips out? I think starting a relationship based on secrets is on a road to nowhere, your feeling the guilt now and it will only get worse. I'd come clean and just accept what happens. Just my opinion of course. I think if it was just a stupid mistake that wouldn't happen again, I wouldn't want to know, however if I found out I don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feline Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 If you had, they'd be no need to ask for advice!:hihi: Yep, I deserved that bullet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redyam Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 So if your ex somehow works out you slept with him while dating this new guy, and then tells him, it would probably mess up the whole relationship. In that situation it would be better to tell him first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarah1 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 So if your ex somehow works out you slept with him while dating this new guy, and then tells him, it would probably mess up the whole relationship. In that situation it would be better to tell him first. Agreed.. Secrets like the one you're keeping, have a nasty habit of popping up when you least expect it and biting you on the ass.. I'd tell the truth from the start if I were you.. Good luck and I hope that what ever you do decide to do, things turn out OK for you xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shaznay Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 No he isn't, so apart from feeling pretty vile about what I did, I also have the fear of the ex seeing us together and kicking off - although to my knowledge he doesn't know i'm seeing anyone. ha...yes if he found out you were seeing this other guy when you slept with him, he might try to make things awkward for you maybe you should just come clean.........if this guy has feelings for you too it shouldnt cause too much damage hopefully.....but not the best of starts I must admit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IanG Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 How would you feel if the boot was on the other foot? ''It wasnt strictly cheating since I hadn't slept with the new boyfriend'' is a bit of a cop out to be honest with you surely all that matters is if he thinks it was cheating, not your friend or whoever? I would tell him but be prepared for him to sack you off, truth will out eventualy somehow and the longer down the road it is in the relationship the more its going to hurt imo and a higher chance of chucking you as well. Depends if you want a relationship to start based on lies and deciept really!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medusa Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I'm of the opinion that if there's genuinely no way of this one biting you on the bum in the future, and you can live with the guilt and can guarantee that there is no way that it will happen in future etc. then you can close the lid on the whole episode and not tell your partner because by telling him you could really hurt him. There are times when it would be kinder not to put them through that pain. If, however, this could all unfold by him finding out (either by you telling him whilst tipsy on New Year's Eve and getting that worrying level of honesty or by your ex sticking his oar in) or you'll damage the relationship by living in guilt then I don't think you have a choice but to tell him. Obviously he knows that you were with your ex before you were with him and he may not see the overlap as anything like as large a deal as you see it to be, so all of this guilt and angst may be pointless anyway. Unfortunately the only way to find out how he would see this is by telling him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mystery man Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Started a new relationship a few months ago, after a few dates together I (very stupidly) slept with my ex - I have no idea why, I have no feelings for him and have no intention of getting back with him. At the time I hadn't slept with my new partner and confided in my friend, she said I shouldn't mention it as; it was a mistake - it wasn't strictly cheating since I'd not yet slept with new boyfriend - wouldn't happen again and would give him the impression that I still have feelings for my ex, so I didn't say anything but now I have really started to fall in love and feel a bit wrong that I lied. Should I tell him and risk losing him, or keep it shut and hope the guilt goes away? ah the old "I dont know why I did it I just did" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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