Bluedylan Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Hello all, any advice is massively appreciated? The situation is that I broke up with my ex 6 months ago - we work in the same building. She suffers from intense depression - and I'm the only person she's ever told. We had a loving but rocky relationship for 2 years and I tried to support her and encourage her. I got her to finally go see a therapist, after a year (which she's still doing thankfully). She's never told her family or friends about it, and they think she's the picture of happiness. Eventually she decided she couldn't be in a relationship anymore and broke up with me, which completely broke my heart. I'm only just starting to feel human again. I accepted it slowly and tried to stay in touch with her and support her with her illness, although that killed me to see her and not be together. We would text, speak on the phone intermittently and meet up sometimes and obviously still see each other around work. She said she still had strong feelings for me, but couldn't put me through it anymore and couldn't deal with the guilt on top of her depression. She also said, it was going to be a long, long time before she could get with anyone else and because she still had feelings for me, she hated to think of my with anyone else (even though she couldn't be with me). She begged me to tell her first if I started seeing anyone, because she couldn't bear to hear it from someone else (and certainly if it happened to be someone at work). I agreed and I asked the same of her - please tell me before I hear it from a random person. We kept in touch until a month ago, and started to speak less. I bought her a birthday present just before xmas and card, just to say I'll always care about her and that she's a special person and what a massive shame it was that it didn't work out, but I'm always there if she needs someone to help with the depression. Basically to remind her that she's not alone... I just found out (from a random) she's been seeing someone for nearly two months, even worse somebody at work!...after all that she said, and all that I went through with her. I didn't actually believe she was capable of that...to show me such little respect to go out with someone from work, to have me hear it from someone else, and to take my present when she was seeing this guy, and not say anything! I'm unbelievably angry and completely heartbroken all over again! She texted me to meet up this week, presumably to tell me about this guy. I think she suspects that I've already heard so she must want to ease her guilt. So my question is, do I : a) get serious revenge and make her feel pain, like she did to me by telling her friends, family, new boyfriend and work colleagues all about her depression and publishing nude photos all over the internet, and to her friends and family. I know this would hurt her deeply and in the short term, would give me immense satifsaction, even though it might not be the adult thing to do. b) meet up with her, hear what she has to say and then tell her what a terrible thing she's done to me, and how unbelievably selfish she's been. c) refuse to meet her, and never speak to her again (although this option risks her going away thinking what she's done is fine, and that it was no big deal) or d) any other advice? Sorry it's so long, but please help...I need advice and I have to decide by Tuesday! Thanks everyone... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ricgem2002 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 if you could work out how a woman thinks your one in a million Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OOmpa Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Sorry to hear that you are going through a rough patch, however, my advice is move on and get over it! Your ex is not obliged to keep you up to date with her comings and goings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlebasher Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 C and nothing more! She deserves no more of your time / affection wasted on her. Go and find yourself someone else, who doesn't come with all the emotional baggage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinz Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Move on mate or treat her with respect, the respect you feel wasn't forthcoming. It isn't about her and her conduct now, it's about you and your conduct presently. Before you got to the bit about her and someone else I knew that's what was coming. Nothing new really. Gud luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andygardener Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 d) Rise above it, have a chat with her, explain you're not overly impressed with her breaking her side of the bargain, see what she says and if there's no compelling reason which explains why she did what she did without telling you then bid her adios and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinklady Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Non of the above - she hasnt really done anything wrong, maybe she just didnt know how to tell you - she might have not told you because she didnt want to hurt you - or just thought that it was non of your business. She accepted a present of you as a friend, not as some promise of getting back together It might hurt - but she really hasnt done anything wrong, she's moved on, I think you should do the same, dont get into some false revenge frame of mind, theres really no point Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitehorses Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 None of the above decisions would apply. I understand you are hurt, but would you really want to tell the world about her depression?Revenge would only make you feel a lot worse in the long run, and people would despise you. You should text her back, say you don't really want to meet as you are both trying to move on , her with her new guy, and you may be seeing someone else too (You don't really have to be) Then wish her luck and let her go .You'll have got your little jibe in, but it won't have damaged you.It's time for her to stand on her own two feet and you too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pennypie Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 If you need closure, then definitely B, if you are able to be the better person and not let it linger and build up without saying anything then go for C, but judging by your post it sounds like you would like to get it off your chest so maybe try and have a calm conversation with her just to let her know and you can clear things up. Definitely do not go for A. That is truly unforgiveable, and absolutely out of order. If she has confided in you, then you do not under any circumstances pass that on, no matter how hurt you are. And why would the thought of putting your personal/intimate pictures online even enter your head? How would you feel if you found out someone had done that to you or your sister/cousin/female best friend? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laineyiow Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 C and nothing more! She deserves no more of your time / affection wasted on her. Go and find yourself someone else, who doesn't come with all the emotional baggage. Have to agree with emperor_ming - forget her and move on. Don't meet her and don't explain why. She's not worth it. She's had you for the mug long enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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