rubydazzler Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I sometimes wonder why people join SF and use their first post to reveal all their intimate secrets? Your option 1 gives the impression that you never really liked her at all. Why would you want to do something like that to someone you once professed to love? She may have moved on, and so should you. If you do any of what you want to do, people will just look at you and wonder what sort of a man you are, really. You'll hurt yourself in the long run, far more than you might harm her. Let it go. And, of course, there is always the option that the story you've heard is just that ... a story. People sometimes get the wrong end of the stick. Check it out first before you go off the deep end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halibut Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 So my question is, do I : a) get serious revenge and make her feel pain, like she did to me by telling her friends, family, new boyfriend and work colleagues all about her depression and publishing nude photos all over the internet, and to her friends and family. I know this would hurt her deeply and in the short term, would give me immense satifsaction, even though it might not be the adult thing to do. b) meet up with her, hear what she has to say and then tell her what a terrible thing she's done to me, and how unbelievably selfish she's been. c) refuse to meet her, and never speak to her again (although this option risks her going away thinking what she's done is fine, and that it was no big deal) or d) any other advice? Sorry it's so long, but please help...I need advice and I have to decide by Tuesday! Thanks everyone... None of the above! a) Is mean spirited and nasty and dishonours the love that you say you still feel for her. b) Is unkind and uneccessary. If you feel you have to let her know that you feel hurt do it by letter, and tell her that despite your pain you wish her well and will be there for her if she ever needs you. c) Is childish and silly. So, on to d) - You're hurt and angry, but what's done is done. If you still care about her, respect the fact that she's made a choice, even if it seems the wrong one to you. By all means let her know that you're sad about the way things have turned out, but trying to make her feel bad about it and hurting her won't help either of you. People change and move away sometimes. It's the way life is. You may just need to accept that it didn't work out and try to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rampent Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Time is a great healer. Really. Move on and join a online dating site. That's free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medusa Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 d) Rise above it, have a chat with her, explain you're not overly impressed with her breaking her side of the bargain, see what she says and if there's no compelling reason which explains why she did what she did without telling you then bid her adios and move on. ^^^What he says There is no better revenge than moving on, finding happiness and never thinking about the other person again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
handypandy Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Have you thought that it may have been your failing relationship that was the reason for her sinking into a depression? This is not a dig at you.... some people just dont hit it off. Maybe she ended the relationship on the advice of the therapist, who may have found the trigger for the depression. My advice would not be to meet her at all. You are clearly feeling a bit raw and the meeting could easily turn into a slanging match that nobody really wants. Get a message to her that you are sorry that you cant meet up as something has cropped up. Say that you understand that she now has someone else and that you hope (sincerely) that she will find happiness. Raking over old coals, helps no one.... move on... she has. Don't be bitter, it will eat only you away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastTime Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Originally Posted by Bluedylan View Post So my question is, do I : a) get serious revenge and make her feel pain, like she did to me by telling her friends, family, new boyfriend and work colleagues all about her depression and publishing nude photos all over the internet, and to her friends and family. I know this would hurt her deeply and in the short term, would give me immense satifsaction, even though it might not be the adult thing to do. b) meet up with her, hear what she has to say and then tell her what a terrible thing she's done to me, and how unbelievably selfish she's been. c) refuse to meet her, and never speak to her again (although this option risks her going away thinking what she's done is fine, and that it was no big deal) or d) any other advice? Sorry it's so long, but please help...I need advice and I have to decide by Tuesday! Thanks everyone... If you choose A.. You're just as bad as her. Do you really want to stoop to that level? also as messed up as it is, you'll find she'll get a lot more sympathy than you would hatching that revenge.. not to mention if she has got a new boyfriend, I'm sure he'll be the first to know and that could cause a lot of trouble, especially for you and your work life. If you choose B.. You're assuming that you have a choice in what she does with her life, She's a free person, you broke up, as much as you didnt want it and as much as she may of done a bad turn on you, she's not in that relationship any more. C.. If I was you, I would take the high road and put it down to her being a low life and move on, deep down I think the issue is because you still have feelings you feel the need 2 try and cling on to something which isnt there, You don't need to communcate with this woman do you? She's done you wrong, now if there was ever a case of you 2 talking again then I would let her make the first more because someone who can do that in my opinion isn't worth the time of day. I think deep down you need 2 do some soulsearching and let go of what you had because it wouldn't ever be the same and remember that what she did to you isn't love at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rampent Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 ^^^What he says There is no better revenge than moving on, finding happiness and never thinking about the other person again. That's brill advice. You can even fake the happiness and make up new partners and send letters to yourself. If the OP does meet up with his ex, splash some decent perfume on yourself, and smudge some lipstick on your inner ear. Or outta. Whatever you think will have impact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitehorses Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 So, here we all are Bluedylan.Yet again we've all offered our advice , have you read it? Acted on it? Disagreed with it ? Don't just drop your bombshell and walk off while we do our best to solve it for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halibut Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 So, here we all are Bluedylan.Yet again we've all offered our advice , have you read it? Acted on it? Disagreed with it ? Don't just drop your bombshell and walk off while we do our best to solve it for you. Give the guy a chance - it's not even an hour since he posted it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitehorses Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Give the guy a chance - it's not even an hour since he posted it! I know, I hope he's not out telling the world about her depression ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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