Frank Sidney Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I think you've escaped lightly there. She's obviously lied to you about this, but what else has she lied about? You're better off, its painful, but you forget and move on. You have to. Don't drown in an ocean of self pity and hate. Give yourself a good talking to, a kick up the ass, dust yourself down and start all over again. We have to be resilient or life can be too painful.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pennypie Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I think you've escaped lightly there. She's obviously lied to you about this, but what else has she lied about? You're better off, its painful, but you forget and move on. You have to. Don't drown in an ocean of self pity and hate. Give yourself a good talking to, a kick up the ass, dust yourself down and start all over again. We have to be resilient or life can be too painful.... Or maybe we don't know the full circumstances. She may not have wanted to hurt him and was trying to spare his feelings, but it just got out of hand and got back to him before she had the chance to tell him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Sidney Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Or maybe we don't know the full circumstances. She may not have wanted to hurt him and was trying to spare his feelings, but it just got out of hand and got back to him before she had the chance to tell him. Why did she take the present off him then:suspect: He's well out of it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EdnaKrabappe Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 A variation on the last option - Leave it here for now, tell her via a single text you've thought against your better judgement about meeting and you need some time apart. Then delete her number in your phone. You'll find her again if you really want to but it takes out the drunken 3am texting need. How long that time is, really is up to you and depends on, how long it takes for you to control your feelings of hurt, whether you are bothered about meeting at all after the initial hurt is over. Sorry to sound harsh but she's keeping you as security, someone to cry on if it all goes wrong and someone who she can share the stuff she can't show the new bloke at the moment. At the moment you sound really hurt so use this emotional support in being kind to yourself, let her sort herself out and move on. If in the future, you decide to meet up, your emotions will be much less tangled in this. Definitely don't do a) as you just will become a caricature of a bitter ex boyfriend, regardless of how supportive you've been in the past and you'll feel good about it for approximately an hour and then blame that for whatever the consequences are. b) You might feel good but she'll feel smug and you might not get the result you want, you can't control someone else's emotions. Write down what you want to say, put it in an envelope and if you still want to post it in six months, do. I found that a very useful way of dealing with emotions in the past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amaranthus Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I'm sorry but she HAS done something wrong. She broke up with him under the pretence that she couldn't handle being in a relationship due to depression. Now that she is evidently ready to get back into one surely the OP should be the one she calls to begin seeing again, not another random guy they both work with. I find that incredibly insensitive, tactless and disrespectful. Regarding the OP, I think you should have nothing more to do with her, there's millions of women out there who act like that, you need to find someone who will actually respect and care for you. Forget about her, don't dwell on what she's done to you, just move on and find some happiness elsewhere. Don't do anything childish or petty that you'll regret, it's not worth it and it won't make you feel any better, it will just draw you in to her mess and keep you in the turmoil. Seriously, forget her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natjack Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Why did she take the present off him then:suspect: He's well out of it...If you buy a birthday present and a card for somebody, how are you going to feel if they refuse to take it? It's like accusing you of having an underhand reason for buying it in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Gobby Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 That's women for ya buddy .Goodluck whatever you choose to do. Personal just move on ,don't give her the benifit of seeing your p*****offwith her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoesme Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 There's alot of hatched faced witches in this cruel world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dozy Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 A variation on the last option - Leave it here for now, tell her via a single text you've thought against your better judgement about meeting and you need some time apart. Then delete her number in your phone. You'll find her again if you really want to but it takes out the drunken 3am texting need. How long that time is, really is up to you and depends on, how long it takes for you to control your feelings of hurt, whether you are bothered about meeting at all after the initial hurt is over. Sorry to sound harsh but she's keeping you as security, someone to cry on if it all goes wrong and someone who she can share the stuff she can't show the new bloke at the moment. At the moment you sound really hurt so use this emotional support in being kind to yourself, let her sort herself out and move on. If in the future, you decide to meet up, your emotions will be much less tangled in this. Definitely don't do a) as you just will become a caricature of a bitter ex boyfriend, regardless of how supportive you've been in the past and you'll feel good about it for approximately an hour and then blame that for whatever the consequences are. b) You might feel good but she'll feel smug and you might not get the result you want, you can't control someone else's emotions. Write down what you want to say, put it in an envelope and if you still want to post it in six months, do. I found that a very useful way of dealing with emotions in the past. I totally agree with you - the OP is too emotional and raw to cope with dealing with his ex at the moment. He sounds like a very caring, supportive person so would probably end up feeling guilty if he used any of the options he listed. As for his ex, on the one hand she did do wrong by proposing the agreement that they let each know if they've found someone else and then breaking the agreement. On the other hand, as one who suffers from depression herself, I know it can do really weird things to your mind, so she might have what she considers to be a perfectly valid reason for not telling him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bjshooter Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I was reading that really feeling somewhat sorry for you. Then I read option A, I understand you are hurt, but that is very mean, to even think about doing that makes me wonder if she isnt better of with the new man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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