Dozy Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I was reading that really feeling somewhat sorry for you. Then I read option A, I understand you are hurt, but that is very mean, to even think about doing that makes me wonder if she isnt better of with the new man. He's hurting and wants to lash out and hurt her back, which is an understandable, if not laudable, reaction. Have you never been upset by anything or anybody and started ranting about killing the barstewards, chopping their hands off, etc??? It's just a load of hot air and means nothing once you've calmed down a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bjshooter Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I totally agree with you - the OP is too emotional and raw to cope with dealing with his ex at the moment. He sounds like a very caring, supportive person so would probably end up feeling guilty if he used any of the options he listed. As for his ex, on the one hand she did do wrong by proposing the agreement that they let each know if they've found someone else and then breaking the agreement. On the other hand, as one who suffers from depression herself, I know it can do really weird things to your mind, so she might have what she considers to be a perfectly valid reason for not telling him. I also agree with this, depression does strange things to you, you worry about how fragile you are in yourself, you worry about other peoples reactions to things. She may not have done the right thing, but she may believe she has a totally real reason Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bjshooter Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 He's hurting and wants to lash out and hurt her back, which is an understandable, if not laudable, reaction. Have you never been upset by anything or anybody and started ranting about killing the barstewards, chopping their hands off, etc??? It's just a load of hot air and means nothing once you've calmed down a bit. Yes, right now actually, I have just split with my b/f and I was depressed to start with. I am making a determined effort to keep calm and dignified. This probably wont work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dozy Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Yes, right now actually, I have just split with my b/f and I was depressed to start with. I am making a determined effort to keep calm and dignified. This probably wont work Forget the calm and dignified - when you're on your own. I find it very satisfying to smash something when I'm in a rage. Hurling plant pots or old crockery against a wall is incredibly satisfying for letting off some steam! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alien Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Forget the calm and dignified - when you're on your own. I find it very satisfying to smash something when I'm in a rage. Hurling plant pots or old crockery against a wall is incredibly satisfying for letting off some steam! I can just imagine the cats looking at you when you throw a wobbler...bit like Gromit when Wallace embarrasses him. http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn176/skinz_photos/wallacegromit.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elejayz Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Hello all, any advice is massively appreciated? The situation is that I broke up with my ex 6 months ago - we work in the same building. She suffers from intense depression - and I'm the only person she's ever told. We had a loving but rocky relationship for 2 years and I tried to support her and encourage her. I got her to finally go see a therapist, after a year (which she's still doing thankfully). She's never told her family or friends about it, and they think she's the picture of happiness. Eventually she decided she couldn't be in a relationship anymore and broke up with me, which completely broke my heart. I'm only just starting to feel human again. I accepted it slowly and tried to stay in touch with her and support her with her illness, although that killed me to see her and not be together. We would text, speak on the phone intermittently and meet up sometimes and obviously still see each other around work. She said she still had strong feelings for me, but couldn't put me through it anymore and couldn't deal with the guilt on top of her depression. She also said, it was going to be a long, long time before she could get with anyone else and because she still had feelings for me, she hated to think of my with anyone else (even though she couldn't be with me). She begged me to tell her first if I started seeing anyone, because she couldn't bear to hear it from someone else (and certainly if it happened to be someone at work). I agreed and I asked the same of her - please tell me before I hear it from a random person. We kept in touch until a month ago, and started to speak less. I bought her a birthday present just before xmas and card, just to say I'll always care about her and that she's a special person and what a massive shame it was that it didn't work out, but I'm always there if she needs someone to help with the depression. Basically to remind her that she's not alone... I just found out (from a random) she's been seeing someone for nearly two months, even worse somebody at work!...after all that she said, and all that I went through with her. I didn't actually believe she was capable of that...to show me such little respect to go out with someone from work, to have me hear it from someone else, and to take my present when she was seeing this guy, and not say anything! I'm unbelievably angry and completely heartbroken all over again! She texted me to meet up this week, presumably to tell me about this guy. I think she suspects that I've already heard so she must want to ease her guilt. So my question is, do I : a) get serious revenge and make her feel pain, like she did to me by telling her friends, family, new boyfriend and work colleagues all about her depression and publishing nude photos all over the internet, and to her friends and family. I know this would hurt her deeply and in the short term, would give me immense satifsaction, even though it might not be the adult thing to do. b) meet up with her, hear what she has to say and then tell her what a terrible thing she's done to me, and how unbelievably selfish she's been. c) refuse to meet her, and never speak to her again (although this option risks her going away thinking what she's done is fine, and that it was no big deal) or d) any other advice? Sorry it's so long, but please help...I need advice and I have to decide by Tuesday! Thanks everyone... well then where to start bin here before . my advice is go meet her as arranged but show no emotion to her whatsoever . i can promise you she will be gobsmacked . cause seems to me thats what she`s wanting some sort of reaction from you. trust me i`m a woman we know how other women work and believe me there good at playing mind games . don`t rise to her trust me tues night she be devastated and you can sit back and smile once again he he . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mynameisdan Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 You should move on. No use crying over spilt milk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunni Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 move on, I know it hurts but if you love her, let her be happy, and try not to be bitter, the best revenge is to lead a happy life of your own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smithy266 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Sorry, but I am a tad sceptical. Another first post, sobbing heart out, and no reply (yet) from OP. Surely, you get to know a forum and the sort of people on it before you post like this. A big apology will be forthcoming if I am wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bjshooter Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Sorry, but I am a tad sceptical. Another first post, sobbing heart out, and no reply (yet) from OP. Surely, you get to know a forum and the sort of people on it before you post like this. A big apology will be forthcoming if I am wrong. I actually think its the total opposite, maybe people do this because they DON'T know the forum and the people, easier to vent that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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