Bluedylan Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 Thankyou everyone for your responses, and please accept my apologies for not responding sooner. Just to address a point made by someone - our relationship didn't bring about her depression, she's had it since she was a teenager and never told anyone. I understand some of the skepticism about a long post about something so personal to people I don't know, but the situation is that I wanted independent, balanced advice from people with no vested interest in the situation or thinking of me. And you've all done that, which I massively appreciate and it's genuinely been a real help. So today I found out who her new guy is (from a friend), and he sits a couple of rows in front of me in the office. Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but for those saying she's done nothing wrong, surely that's pretty thoughtless at best, and pretty cruel at worst? Anyway enough about that...I suppose in my heart of hearts I could never have taken option a) (although some people do that sort of thing, and I can understand it to an extent). I loved her more than anything, and for that reason this all hurt me more intensely than I realised it could. What I'm saying is please don't condem me, that was my intense anger and hurt speaking, not my rational mind. I could never do that to her, when I sit and think deeply about it. So I'm not gonna meet up with her. I think she's meeting me to get things off her chest, and ease her own guilt and I'm not going to allow her that luxury. I know what she's done isn't the crime of the century and people do worse things to people they love(d), but please believe me it's been a massive struggle. I enjoy my job, have plenty of friends there, and now every day I go back there I am going to be literally haunted by what's happened. I know people say you shouldn't have relationships at work, but you can't always decide how things will happen. I dare say she has her reasons for doing what she's done, and maybe in the distant future I'll have some understanding of that, but for now I can't give her the satisfaction of easing her guilt (which she will feel strongly, if I know her at all - maybe I don't!), so I've deleted her number etc etc and I will just move on and try to grow stronger. Seriously everyone thanks...it's been hugely helpful to hear what you've had to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinklady Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 glad to hear it. Move on and be happy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smithy266 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Ok, I am sorry. Best wishes to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitehorses Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Good Lad .You've done exactly the right thing, it'll be hard at first but things will get better.Things happen for a reason, we don't always see it at the time.Perhaps you're in line for something bigger and better.Good Luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoesme Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Thankyou everyone for your responses, and please accept my apologies for not responding sooner. Just to address a point made by someone - our relationship didn't bring about her depression, she's had it since she was a teenager and never told anyone. I understand some of the skepticism about a long post about something so personal to people I don't know, but the situation is that I wanted independent, balanced advice from people with no vested interest in the situation or thinking of me. And you've all done that, which I massively appreciate and it's genuinely been a real help. So today I found out who her new guy is (from a friend), and he sits a couple of rows in front of me in the office. Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but for those saying she's done nothing wrong, surely that's pretty thoughtless at best, and pretty cruel at worst? Anyway enough about that...I suppose in my heart of hearts I could never have taken option a) (although some people do that sort of thing, and I can understand it to an extent). I loved her more than anything, and for that reason this all hurt me more intensely than I realised it could. What I'm saying is please don't condem me, that was my intense anger and hurt speaking, not my rational mind. I could never do that to her, when I sit and think deeply about it. So I'm not gonna meet up with her. I think she's meeting me to get things off her chest, and ease her own guilt and I'm not going to allow her that luxury. I know what she's done isn't the crime of the century and people do worse things to people they love(d), but please believe me it's been a massive struggle. I enjoy my job, have plenty of friends there, and now every day I go back there I am going to be literally haunted by what's happened. I know people say you shouldn't have relationships at work, but you can't always decide how things will happen. I dare say she has her reasons for doing what she's done, and maybe in the distant future I'll have some understanding of that, but for now I can't give her the satisfaction of easing her guilt (which she will feel strongly, if I know her at all - maybe I don't!), so I've deleted her number etc etc and I will just move on and try to grow stronger. Seriously everyone thanks...it's been hugely helpful to hear what you've had to say. What an honest, open and caring young man you sound, well done you pal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dozy Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Good Lad .You've done exactly the right thing, it'll be hard at first but things will get better.Things happen for a reason, we don't always see it at the time.Perhaps you're in line for something bigger and better.Good Luck. Very true. In time, you'll meet someone else, I'm sure, because you sound so caring and thoughtful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
retrogo Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Get down the the Rosum Spring Saturday night and compete with the rest of the bruisers for a Hillsborough Bird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KTHFB Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Thankyou everyone for your responses, and please accept my apologies for not responding sooner. Just to address a point made by someone - our relationship didn't bring about her depression, she's had it since she was a teenager and never told anyone. I understand some of the skepticism about a long post about something so personal to people I don't know, but the situation is that I wanted independent, balanced advice from people with no vested interest in the situation or thinking of me. And you've all done that, which I massively appreciate and it's genuinely been a real help. So today I found out who her new guy is (from a friend), and he sits a couple of rows in front of me in the office. Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but for those saying she's done nothing wrong, surely that's pretty thoughtless at best, and pretty cruel at worst? Anyway enough about that...I suppose in my heart of hearts I could never have taken option a) (although some people do that sort of thing, and I can understand it to an extent). I loved her more than anything, and for that reason this all hurt me more intensely than I realised it could. What I'm saying is please don't condem me, that was my intense anger and hurt speaking, not my rational mind. I could never do that to her, when I sit and think deeply about it. So I'm not gonna meet up with her. I think she's meeting me to get things off her chest, and ease her own guilt and I'm not going to allow her that luxury. I know what she's done isn't the crime of the century and people do worse things to people they love(d), but please believe me it's been a massive struggle. I enjoy my job, have plenty of friends there, and now every day I go back there I am going to be literally haunted by what's happened. I know people say you shouldn't have relationships at work, but you can't always decide how things will happen. I dare say she has her reasons for doing what she's done, and maybe in the distant future I'll have some understanding of that, but for now I can't give her the satisfaction of easing her guilt (which she will feel strongly, if I know her at all - maybe I don't!), so I've deleted her number etc etc and I will just move on and try to grow stronger. Seriously everyone thanks...it's been hugely helpful to hear what you've had to say. Most of us have been there dating the work colleague. You spend a lot of time with these people so you're bound to find some attachments with them. It happens. I think you're doing the right thing by not meeting her right now. Maybe in time you'll be able to and let her know that she hurt you, if not, then that's ok too - she's now in your past. Sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders, and you're obviously a very caring person. A girl will be lucky to have you. Remember that. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucifer Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Hello all, any advice is massively appreciated? The situation is that I broke up with my ex 6 months ago - we work in the same building. She suffers from intense depression - and I'm the only person she's ever told. We had a loving but rocky relationship for 2 years and I tried to support her and encourage her. I got her to finally go see a therapist, after a year (which she's still doing thankfully). She's never told her family or friends about it, and they think she's the picture of happiness. Eventually she decided she couldn't be in a relationship anymore and broke up with me, which completely broke my heart. I'm only just starting to feel human again. I accepted it slowly and tried to stay in touch with her and support her with her illness, although that killed me to see her and not be together. We would text, speak on the phone intermittently and meet up sometimes and obviously still see each other around work. She said she still had strong feelings for me, but couldn't put me through it anymore and couldn't deal with the guilt on top of her depression. She also said, it was going to be a long, long time before she could get with anyone else and because she still had feelings for me, she hated to think of my with anyone else (even though she couldn't be with me). She begged me to tell her first if I started seeing anyone, because she couldn't bear to hear it from someone else (and certainly if it happened to be someone at work). I agreed and I asked the same of her - please tell me before I hear it from a random person. We kept in touch until a month ago, and started to speak less. I bought her a birthday present just before xmas and card, just to say I'll always care about her and that she's a special person and what a massive shame it was that it didn't work out, but I'm always there if she needs someone to help with the depression. Basically to remind her that she's not alone... I just found out (from a random) she's been seeing someone for nearly two months, even worse somebody at work!...after all that she said, and all that I went through with her. I didn't actually believe she was capable of that...to show me such little respect to go out with someone from work, to have me hear it from someone else, and to take my present when she was seeing this guy, and not say anything! I'm unbelievably angry and completely heartbroken all over again! She texted me to meet up this week, presumably to tell me about this guy. I think she suspects that I've already heard so she must want to ease her guilt. So my question is, do I : a) get serious revenge and make her feel pain, like she did to me by telling her friends, family, new boyfriend and work colleagues all about her depression and publishing nude photos all over the internet, and to her friends and family. I know this would hurt her deeply and in the short term, would give me immense satifsaction, even though it might not be the adult thing to do. b) meet up with her, hear what she has to say and then tell her what a terrible thing she's done to me, and how unbelievably selfish she's been. c) refuse to meet her, and never speak to her again (although this option risks her going away thinking what she's done is fine, and that it was no big deal) or d) any other advice? Sorry it's so long, but please help...I need advice and I have to decide by Tuesday! Thanks everyone... Just let it go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fogey Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Walk away and never look back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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