gina2007 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I made a choice to have my friend (who is also my ex boyf and father to my only child) to give me away. We are solid friends and have been for ages, no love between us etc all that jazz. My family are fine by that, because they see a different side to my ex and get along with him fine, also my in-laws to be are fine about it as is my partner. Its been on my mind for a while about what to do, who to have. My in-laws were abit suspect at first but have come round after meeting him properly. Theres just a few people who arent happy..... thats my ex in laws. They arent invited, because I simply dont want them there - they s--t on me in the past, left me in the crap with a lot of issues therefore I dont get along with them at all but theyre talking my ex into not giving me away because the registar will object (just one of their many reasons!) or I might have 'second thoughts' - I wont though! But, i'm getting rather miffed now. They think i'll be having second thoughts because on facebook (much to the amusment of various people) me and my ex are still 'in a relationship', but facebook is simply a place we both play games (the farming stuff etc) and we never changed it, think its quite funny how people who've added us for no reason what so ever get abit confused if either of us post about our new partners. So, the ex in laws are having a big 'hoo haa' over this and causing a scene if I am at their house, they see me in the streets etc! I just dont know what to do anymore? If we remove the 'relationship' off facebook, it feels that theyve won if you what I mean? And im a stubborn git. If we leave it, theyre 24/7 trying to talk him out of his position on the day. I do want him to have that position because ive no other person to do the deed, unless its my ex brother in law and you can see where this is going?! Ive also got another issue with where we are having the day. We picked tankersley manor, as it fitted our budget, its close to where we live, its a nice place and it can hold everything we want in one place and is big enough for the amount of guests. When we sent out save the date cards, there was issues with that date for some guests, but when the proper invitations went out... woooooow we had a huge backlash from my side of the family! About 80% of people on 'my' side have said they cant make it - its too far away We have got 3 rooms for the day and night before, 1 for me and my bridesmaids to get ready in, another for the groom and his people to get ready in then another for anyone who wants it basically! Then we've booked 10 rooms on the night, so theres 9 available to family but theyre saying they dont want to have to stay out the night, but dont want to drive/taxi home! Any ways to solve this? I'm at breaking point and we've got 8 months to go before the day! I bought a beautiful grecian dress for the night, I love it and keep trying it on. My BM's have got similar style dresses but 2 are demanding we buy them something for the night to wear ... the SAME night dress ive got! Why oh why? These 2 also had issues with their day dresses, the style of them (theyre simple, strapless, knee length dresses...) and we had to change the whole dresses at last minute. Literally, 30minutes before we got to my dressmakers for measurments they blurted it out. So, when we arrived the dressmaker found something else that I liked and they did... but they both want evening dresses. My budget is quite flexible (at 14k) but i'm not made of money. I wanted simple extras like a cookie bar and guests could have their names iced on them (by a wonderful lady who is giving up her time to stand and ice for them) along with the dates etc but now I feel I cant hire her because if I do 'I couldve got them their other dresses'... I want to scream! I've managed in 3 months to get everything literally finalised. Theres only 2 more things to do and that's have my measurments taken but as im loosing lots of weight, quite fast - my dressmaker is giving me until May before having my fittings and doing me the dress then. She will have 3.5months to make it! And the only other thing I have to do is decide if the boys are having waistcoats/cravats or not! Everything else is finished, booked, paid and just waiting for the day. I'm sorry for the lengthy post but if I didnt get it off my chest I will explode with rage! Any advice on the issues? I couldnt give 2 hoots if my family arent there, but it'd be nice seens as we've paid for their meals, and bought them all a drinks package each which I cant get refunded on! I'm starting to feel like its bloomin doomed. Although my better half does keep reassuring me that we should cancel it, fly to las vegas and do it over there just the 2 of us... but I want certain people there. I'm fed up now though! I feel ive had enough, I want the day over and done with. So anything please? x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsfairest Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 omg what a performance lol this is a little like what happened to me i just got fed up and went to Cyprus all my close family paid and come with us! All you have to think about is its your day and you can have who or what you like and stuff everyone else they either get with the program or buggar off/As for the dresses i would go and get the most terrible material i could find and make a dress like the toilet roll top things and make em wear em the ungreatfull sods lol then jsut enjoy lol xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aldam2 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 omg, i went through similar problems at my first wedding, nothing i did was good enough, i get fed up of all the constant moaning and digs for everyone. If id have given in to them i would have had about 27 bridesmaids and 300 guests to the day do!!! In the end its your day ignore everyone and make it the day you want, not them. You cant please everyone so why try???? As for them saying they cant make it? if they want to come they will makesure they can, otherwise sod em and realise they people that do turn up are there because they want to be x Hope if all works out for you chin up. ps. I went to cuba for my second marriage with 19 close family members and friends, it was fabulous and much less stressful x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gina2007 Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 omg what a performance lol this is a little like what happened to me i just got fed up and went to Cyprus all my close family paid and come with us! All you have to think about is its your day and you can have who or what you like and stuff everyone else they either get with the program or buggar off/As for the dresses i would go and get the most terrible material i could find and make a dress like the toilet roll top things and make em wear em the ungreatfull sods lol then jsut enjoy lol xxxx I have spoken to my dressmaker about this and she said she will refuse to make them dresses for the evening as she isnt making me one, so doesnt see why they should have 2 dresses when i've got 1 and 1 off the peg! I gave them my credit card to find a dress they liked, to take to her and see if she could make something similar and they had the card for nearly 5 weeks! She hasnt started making their dresses just yet but has said if we want, to pee them off.. we will go back to the shop (oasis!) and pick up their dresses from there I love my dressmaker because she isnt in for money where i'm concerned, shes seems to be in it for making her customer happy. I'm so very tempted to go back to meadowhall and get their dresses from there and on the day laugh, very hard! I said that the bridesmaids arent having big hair pieces or anything. Theyve got simple grips with sparkly bits on to pull their hair back, but when the hairdresser came to see our hair and chat about styles etc they both turned around and said 'Oh, I want a big tiara type in mine' erm... no! The best thing about this is, 1 of them is my partners friend first then mine, shes my OHs mates girlf. The other one though should know better - shes one of my closest friends! It seems they both want the attention on them. My photographer was abit put back by them when he come to chat to us at our house, one of them was there at the time and when he was talking shots to take (formal / natural) she said she wanted one of her and her partner... when he said thats up to us, she kicked off big time because I said no im not paying for a picture of them! Its about us and regardless if that sounds selfish, it is for me and him. Im trying to keep it all together, I really am but I feel like im at breaking point now. omg, i went through similar problems at my first wedding, nothing i did was good enough, i get fed up of all the constant moaning and digs for everyone. If id have given in to them i would have had about 27 bridesmaids and 300 guests to the day do!!! In the end its your day ignore everyone and make it the day you want, not them. You cant please everyone so why try???? As for them saying they cant make it? if they want to come they will makesure they can, otherwise sod em and realise they people that do turn up are there because they want to be x Hope if all works out for you chin up. ps. I went to cuba for my second marriage with 19 close family members and friends, it was fabulous and much less stressful x I know I cant please everyone - but I picked my bridesmaids (2 friends, sister and niece) with confidence as theyre quite involved in my life. I wanted them but the 2 friends are making this hard for me. My sister said she liked the dress, it'd go with mine so go for it but then they both started getting upperty over it! I do feel like going away for it but having paid for everything and its all booked now I dont want to waste money, especially as just under half of our budget was a joint xmas present from my gran-in-law-to-be. She's just about the only person (without including my MIL-to-be) who has been happy about all choices we've made, and said shes excited. I'm fed up though. I just want people to get on, and let us take over the day ourselves. My family are all living in Sheffield (apart from my brother who is flying over from Australia for 6 weeks for the day) yet its just those in Sheffield who say 'its too far away'!!!! We've offered them a way out with a room, but if they dont want to take it then so bloody be it. I dont care anymore who comes and who doesnt. Aslong as I get married then i'll be happy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alib28 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 If I were you, regarding your bridesmaids, ask them to meet up with you for lunch or a drink somewhere (something separate from wedding related meet-ups) and just try and have a bit of a heart to heart with them. I think this will work better than being confrontational, as they may have no idea that they are making you feel this way. I would just gently remind them that it is your day, and while you do want them to feel special, and happy with what they are wearing, you're the bride! Explain to them that you've felt hurt by their behaviour (especially as your family are already giving you grief), and that you want them to be a bit more supportive. Hopefully they will realise how bad their behaviour has been! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medusa Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I'm afraid when it comes to organising weddings there's always something which causes boiling over from one side or another, whether it's someone refusing to be in the same room as someone else or someone else objecting to the food/venue/colour scheme. I would get your bridesmaids together and tell them that there simply isn't the budget to buy extras and if they wish to have them then they should either contribute or play a part in which other parts of the day should be cancelled in order to pay for them. You're the bride, you should be wearing the prettiest dress, and something different to them anyway. They need to understand that bridesmaids get one dress and with many weddings there is no choice but for them to pay for the dresses as weddings are expensive things. How would they feel if you were to get the full file of budgeting and planning stuff out and put it down in front of them for them to find savings? Not that you will really do that, but it's a way to make them understand that the pot isn't bottomless. Sadly, you will end up getting used to ignoring whinges and complaints. You can't please everybody and there will be people who wait right up until you send out the invites to tell you that the day isn't convenient for them and expecting you to change the whole plan in order to fit them in. Plan your day to be how you want it to be and people can like it or lump it. I wouldn't pay for any guests that I don't want there and I'd explain to people that the budget isn't huge and so that means that you can't invite hundreds of people or everybody you know. Make a list of all of the people you'd like to invite but can't and then show that list to your ex in-laws. If you had bottomless pockets then you could pay a serious amount of money for a wedding, but it's not worth getting into unmanageable debt for and so something has to be compromised. I worked out that at my wedding once I'd taken into account the items which were fixed costs, each guest cost me £49 to attend my wedding and reception, and it's so easy to let your budget get blown with this sort of thing. You invite only the most important people to you who you wish to be there. Stick to your guns and don't let other people decide the way that your wedding is going to be organised. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summa Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Flippin heck you having a rough ride, wedding planning isn't easy by a far stetch but in your case it sounds like a nightmare! But from what you have said it's not actually you or the groom causing a fuss it's others, tell your bridesmaids that it's your day and should really wear whatever you pick, whatever you want! As for your ex giving you away, why not if you, hubby to be and your ex is happy with it, then do it. Do the family memebers complaining not think that it will be nice for your son, to see all his close family getting on and being part of his mams big day? I know we don't see eye to eye on many threads but I saw this a thought you sounded fed up! Hope you get it sorted so you can start enjoying the build up to your big day instead of stressing about it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emma.82 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 personally id bot your annoying braidsmaids out! your paying all this money, they should be pleased to be your braidsmaids and supportive not demanding little sods, my mate getting married next year in zante and her fraze was simple whoever wants to come can if not come to party when we get home! Im going to enjoy her wedding but she isnt going out of her way to please everyone and neither should you xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asaw Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Once dj'd at a wedding reception when I turned uo there was only part of the bridegrooms family there. Both sides had a row fight argument police and ambulances called to sort it and there was only the odd bodies left. Made certain I got paid before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wedding fair Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I made a choice to have my friend (who is also my ex boyf and father to my only child) to give me away. We are solid friends and have been for ages, no love between us etc all that jazz. My family are fine by that, because they see a different side to my ex and get along with him fine, also my in-laws to be are fine about it as is my partner. Its been on my mind for a while about what to do, who to have. My in-laws were abit suspect at first but have come round after meeting him properly. Theres just a few people who arent happy..... thats my ex in laws. They arent invited, because I simply dont want them there - they s--t on me in the past, left me in the crap with a lot of issues therefore I dont get along with them at all but theyre talking my ex into not giving me away because the registar will object (just one of their many reasons!) or I might have 'second thoughts' - I wont though! But, i'm getting rather miffed now. They think i'll be having second thoughts because on facebook (much to the amusment of various people) me and my ex are still 'in a relationship', but facebook is simply a place we both play games (the farming stuff etc) and we never changed it, think its quite funny how people who've added us for no reason what so ever get abit confused if either of us post about our new partners. So, the ex in laws are having a big 'hoo haa' over this and causing a scene if I am at their house, they see me in the streets etc! I just dont know what to do anymore? If we remove the 'relationship' off facebook, it feels that theyve won if you what I mean? And im a stubborn git. If we leave it, theyre 24/7 trying to talk him out of his position on the day. I do want him to have that position because ive no other person to do the deed, unless its my ex brother in law and you can see where this is going?! Ive also got another issue with where we are having the day. We picked tankersley manor, as it fitted our budget, its close to where we live, its a nice place and it can hold everything we want in one place and is big enough for the amount of guests. When we sent out save the date cards, there was issues with that date for some guests, but when the proper invitations went out... woooooow we had a huge backlash from my side of the family! About 80% of people on 'my' side have said they cant make it - its too far away We have got 3 rooms for the day and night before, 1 for me and my bridesmaids to get ready in, another for the groom and his people to get ready in then another for anyone who wants it basically! Then we've booked 10 rooms on the night, so theres 9 available to family but theyre saying they dont want to have to stay out the night, but dont want to drive/taxi home! Any ways to solve this? I'm at breaking point and we've got 8 months to go before the day! I bought a beautiful grecian dress for the night, I love it and keep trying it on. My BM's have got similar style dresses but 2 are demanding we buy them something for the night to wear ... the SAME night dress ive got! Why oh why? These 2 also had issues with their day dresses, the style of them (theyre simple, strapless, knee length dresses...) and we had to change the whole dresses at last minute. Literally, 30minutes before we got to my dressmakers for measurments they blurted it out. So, when we arrived the dressmaker found something else that I liked and they did... but they both want evening dresses. My budget is quite flexible (at 14k) but i'm not made of money. I wanted simple extras like a cookie bar and guests could have their names iced on them (by a wonderful lady who is giving up her time to stand and ice for them) along with the dates etc but now I feel I cant hire her because if I do 'I couldve got them their other dresses'... I want to scream! I've managed in 3 months to get everything literally finalised. Theres only 2 more things to do and that's have my measurments taken but as im loosing lots of weight, quite fast - my dressmaker is giving me until May before having my fittings and doing me the dress then. She will have 3.5months to make it! And the only other thing I have to do is decide if the boys are having waistcoats/cravats or not! Everything else is finished, booked, paid and just waiting for the day. I'm sorry for the lengthy post but if I didnt get it off my chest I will explode with rage! Any advice on the issues? I couldnt give 2 hoots if my family arent there, but it'd be nice seens as we've paid for their meals, and bought them all a drinks package each which I cant get refunded on! I'm starting to feel like its bloomin doomed. Although my better half does keep reassuring me that we should cancel it, fly to las vegas and do it over there just the 2 of us... but I want certain people there. I'm fed up now though! I feel ive had enough, I want the day over and done with. So anything please? x What I don't understand is why your new love is happy about your ex giving you away. You seem to be loosing site of why your doing this. You have found the love of your life, last time you got it wrong, this time you've got it right. No reminders of what went wrong in the past, only your fabulous future with your new man. Is your child old enough to give you away, that way its like your all getting married. Stop bending over backwards for every one, tell them whats going to happen and let them accept it or not. If they choose not to come, it says a lot about the person, its their loss. Enjoy your day its all about you, your new love and your child. Relax, in a hundred years from now no body will care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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