rubydazzler Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 [...]I feel like I slave away and have nothing, I earn decent money and have a crap phone, crap clothes etc because I have always put the OH first. She isnt bad and doesnt make me dip out but I could never buy £100 pair of jeans when I could buy £20 ones and let her spend £80 on a dress. I'm not sure if you're bragging or complaining, but my goodness, you're either a saint, or a fool. Not sure which. It should be share and share alike in a relationship. In reply to the OP, as someone who's seen both sides of the equation, your health is more important, obviously. But if you've been off for 'a while' and still not got a diagnosis of your health problems or got them 'under control', maybe your partner has a point. Are you really ill, or is it all silly little niggling things that are causing you to feel unable to work? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Twinkle* Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 What a PIG! This makes me angry! Health always comes first... Your Partner should be the one doing the calculations and working out how they can make ends meet and take the stress off you! The last thing you need is money worries when you're not well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harleyman Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 Health without a doubt. If you're not in good health you're not happy I imagine and no amount of money in the world will change that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dozy Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Dear Forum... What is more important to people - your health or money? Me and my partner had this debate yesterday as I've been off work sick for a while and I spoke to my partner about the possibility of me going back part time if my manager is OK with that. I was thinking part time at least until I get a diagnosis and get on top of my health problems and get them under control. He says at my age I should be working full time instead of wanting to work part time and sit around doing nothing for the rest of the time. He says he can't afford to support me going part time as he has a daughter from a previous relationship to support. I had already worked out we could just afford for me to go part time but we would have to tighten our belts. To which I got the reply "I have never struggled for money, I'm not going to start now." He then went on to tell me that he prioritised money before my health as money pays the bills. I said my health should come first. So who do people think is right? Should health or money come first? My bold When I first read your post, I thought it had to be a wind up, as I couldn't imagine anybody would have a partner who could be so totally selfish and unsympathetic as to say something like that! To be told by the person you share your life with that money is more important to them than your health is truly appalling. How on earth can somebody who loves you say that??? If it was me, I'm afraid I'd be pointing out they were certainly going to be struggling for money when I'd walked out on them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Draggletail Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Putting money before your own health is one thing, putting money before someone else's health is just selfish. ^^^^ DaFoot's post sums it up best for me - outrageous attitude from your partner in my opinion! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rand Hobart Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 What a <removed>! Ditch the <removed>. Your health will come on in bounds :¬) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bjshooter Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Health, I am ill atm and it has really made me stop and realise the good things I have. I also have no clue what is the matter with me either, all these scary things keep getting suggested. I think its at times like this you need your partners full support and get a very good idea of the kind of person they are. Think about it from the other persons viewpoint. I for one would do anything possible to help someone I loved, I dont think he is worth worrying about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medusa Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Why remain private? I don't want to bug the admins etc, why does the user wish to remain private? Most of us on here are all under whacky names, why not this one? Almost everybody who's been on SF for more than a few months has nearest and dearest who know their username. It's also against forum rules to use more than one username, so we have a facility where people who need to ask advice can do so in an anonymous way, so that it doesn't show up in searches of their username. Nobody other than the user concerned and the individual mod or admin who they PMed knows their identity, unless the user wishes to out themselves as a way of thanking those who offered them advice and support. That has happened on a pretty regular basis through the history of SF, but in many cases the advice sought is of an embarrassing nature or could cause problems with family or friends if they are identified. Changing hats: As far as I'm concerned you cannot affect whether you have a health problem and because of this it's also something for which you should never even entertain feeling guilty or discussing in a 'blame' situation. If your partner is not prepared to support you then that is a powerful message and he must be aware that if the health problem is genuine (as I assume it is) then whether or not you or he wish it to be affecting you is irrelevant. I've got health problems and disabilities. I can't change that they're there and there are things that I would not be able to do even if my life depended on it, because that's the nature of health problems. Simply willing your health to get better does not make it happen, and your partner needs to know that and to genuinely understand that in order for your relationship to work. If he can't or won't understand that then no matter what you say or do it will be pointless. Poor health does not discriminate, it doesn't take sides, it's not affected by opinions, nobody gets ill to spite someone else or make them struggle- ill health is just a fact for those who suffer. Your partner can choose to accept you as you are (health problems and all) and to work with you and around your health problems to the best of his and your ability or he can choose to try to bend you and your health problems around his own agenda. How he chooses will tell you everything you need to know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plain Talker Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I dont see why heavy periods or frequent tiredness (or similar) should exempt her from work. I cant pack in when I dont feel like it <snip> You have to be trolling with that response, right? (you've definitely proved you are a male...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tradescanthia Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Just ask a cancer sufferer whats the most important. I think you already know the answer................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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