Here's my story if you want to have a look

[selphie]

http://sheffieldwriters.ath.cx/SFStoryArchive/1296233963.wps

 

Enjoy x

[scribe]

selphie.

 

I have read your story and it's very good.The only thing that i found wrong with it and

( this is only my opinion ).I found it over descriptive, in other words it becomes mushy you could bring in better elements to the story for the reader rather than waste space on over kill describing how the settings and characters are.Don't take what i have said to heart, i am by no means an expert and there are better people on here to critique your piece.

[coyleys]

Hi ya Selphie, well I thought it was really good, you have quite a talent. The only thing I would change is the ending; probably make it a bit more mysterious.

I look forward to reading more of your work.

With regards to submitting to a magazine, go for it, but keep in mind Peacock Lady’s comments on your previous post.

Thanks for a good read.

[selphie]

Thanks for your comments. I actually wrote this for an english assignment. It is an expressive narrative piece and is supposed to be about the character's, their relationship and the settings. So i'm glad i've done it right lol!!!

[selphie]

Hi ya Selphie, well I thought it was really good, you have quite a talent. The only thing I would change is the ending; probably make it a bit more mysterious.

I look forward to reading more of your work.

With regards to submitting to a magazine, go for it, but keep in mind Peacock Lady’s comments on your previous post.

Thanks for a good read.

 

Aww thanks, Unfortunately I was limited to the amount of words I could use which is why it has such an abrupt ending. Glad you liked it though x

[Kaimani]

good work, selphi. i loved it. but, then again, i think your descriptive technique is very similar to mine. it is true what scribe says, though. though if you saying that was the reason for the task then fair dos. i've found that the longer a piece the more descriptive set pieces you can have as they can be broken up by other sequences.

but this is really really good stuff, especially if you saying it's one of your very first pieces. world look out.

you might want to send it both to magazines that pay for stories and those that don't. if you working on the long game i'd suggest to forget the money just yet(though if you get some all good) and work on making portfolio of work, you know; magazines you've been published in etc.

good work, though, good work.

[Allo1010]

Unfortnately I can't access your file through my computer, as the file format is not suppported (What program did you use? I got the format as "wps").

 

But from what I can see here you are sometimes overdescriptive?

 

If you didn't know them here are some quotes I came across and now think of everytime I'm writing, though I can't remember who they are by =s

 

"If it doesn't contribute to the story/piece and it doesn't need to be there, get rid of it"

 

(It being paragraphs, sentences, chapters etc)

 

"If it sounds/looks like you have written it, get rid of it"

 

(I think in this case, it implies that sometimes an author intrudes on the story/world of the book because what they've written seems to be written by someone else, who isn't part of the story)

 

"A piece of literature should never forgot what it is about, in the case of entertaining it is there to entertain"

 

(I think this is pretty similar to the first quote but I always keep it in mind when I read through my work)

 

Well, I hope I helped you and anyone else with any future work they intend to write, as these quotes have helped me =)

[coyleys]

Unfortnately I can't access your file through my computer, as the file format is not suppported (What program did you use? I got the format as "wps").

 

Try this Allo1010...

 

http://sheffieldwriters.ath.cx/SFStoryArchive/1296321946.docx