Magilla Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Ask yourself how you will want to be treated when you do meet someone who you want to stay with. It's easy to be "cool" when you are not really that into the other person, but beware! your day and person will come, and it might be that they don’t dig you that much. You may find yourself doing things you would have considered "weird" or desperate before. Indeed, you have made my point for me better than I did Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOTOKO Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 I didn't say that, but it's clear from your own posts that you're not really that bothered. Again, nope. If you know you're not bothered enough to alleviate any fears your partner has then what's the point? As for "have no life outside the relationship", again, you said that, not me. Responding to your partner doesn't have to be an obsession. He doesn't sound any more unbalanced than women I talk to who complain their boyfriends don't communicate or appreciate them. But that's the thing, I DO communicate with him! I try every day to 'alleviate his fears' by telling him that he doesn't need to start worrying if he can't get through to my phone or if I don't respond to every single text. He texts me alllllllll the time and I respond to 95% of them but sometimes I'm in the middle of doing something or driving etc and I can't respond straight away and then I'll forget becuase that's what I'm like, my friends and family know that about me, I'm forgetful but I'm always texting him but the ONE TIME I don't he obseses over it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOTOKO Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 Ask yourself how you will want to be treated when you do meet someone who you want to stay with. It's easy to be "cool" when you are not really that into the other person, but beware! your day and person will come, and it might be that they don’t dig you that much. You may find yourself doing things you would have considered "weird" or desperate before. Ask yourself given the emotions involved how you would like to be treated. Would you want to be humiliated and rebuffed? Or would a less brutal let down be more considerate of the possible pain involved? We all have dodgy bits, anyone who spends their time projecting their own bad experiences onto to others has a lot to learn about making mistakes, we all make em!! That's a very good point but I have been in a relationship before where I did really like that person and you do get silly urges but out of respect for the other person you don't act on them. If you care about them you should want them to be happy and have a life, not just pander to you every single day! There's a line that has to be drawn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magilla Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 But that's the thing, I DO communicate with him! I try every day to 'alleviate his fears' by telling him that he doesn't need to start worrying if he can't get through to my phone or if I don't respond to every single text. He texts me alllllllll the time and I respond to 95% of them but sometimes I'm in the middle of doing something or driving etc and I can't respond straight away and then I'll forget becuase that's what I'm like, my friends and family know that about me, I'm forgetful but I'm always texting him but the ONE TIME I don't he obseses over it! Fair doo's. I don't know you or your BF so I have no doubt you know best. From reading your posts it seems like you're with them because it's convenient to you at the moment, rather than anything meaningful. A soul crushing scenario for the person who's genuinely in love! People do the strangest of things for love, then look back and marvel at how mad or scarey they must have seemed at the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOTOKO Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 You definitely need to finish with him. It will probably be difficult, given his insecurities and obsession with you, but it really is the only thing to do and the sooner the better. He's never going to change and I think you know that, but you're hoping for a nice, easy solution that isn't going to hurt him too much, which is never going to happen. You need to cut him out of your life completely - no staying friends, that won't work, no sending him the occasional text if he seems to be really down, that will just suck you back into the relationship. And don't fall for any of the emotional blackmail crap, either. If he reckons he can't live without you, that's his problem - not yours! I know this sounds harsh, but you'll have to be strong if you're going to escape from a relationship with a control freak and get on and enjoy your life. Yes, that's what I was hoping for but it obviously isn't going to happen seeing as you're all in agreement with one another that I shouldn't stay with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlestar Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 It's not love, it's obsession! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rowan22 Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 That's a very good point but I have been in a relationship before where I did really like that person and you do get silly urges but out of respect for the other person you don't act on them. If you care about them you should want them to be happy and have a life, not just pander to you every single day! There's a line that has to be drawn. I agree, and emotions aren't always rational. It is just a question of how much real class we show one another in respect of the feelings which very often spill over into obsession. That doesn't mean you should allow yourself to be controlled or stalked, it just means you say goodbye using the lightest touch which always commands greatest respect imo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOTOKO Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 Fair doo's. I don't know you or your BF so I have no doubt you know best. From reading your posts it seems like you're with them because it's convenient to you at the moment, rather than anything meaningful. A soul crushing scenario for the person who's genuinely in love! People do the strangest of things for love, then look back and marvel at how mad or scarey they must have seemed at the time. Oh lord, what a bad situation! Initially he seemed to feel the same way I did but then suddenly the intensity got freaky. I sometimes feel guilty but then I shouldn't really becuase I didn't ask for him to change and become blinded with love. Honestly it happened so quickly that I wasn't even sure it was love so much as infatuation (I still think it may be that) and I tried everything to dampen it. It's not convenience, I'm just confused because I've never had to deal with someone like this before. Does infatuation last long? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlestar Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Oh lord, what a bad situation! Initially he seemed to feel the same way I did but then suddenly the intensity got freaky. I sometimes feel guilty but then I shouldn't really becuase I didn't ask for him to change and become blinded with love. Honestly it happened so quickly that I wasn't even sure it was love so much as infatuation (I still think it may be that) and I tried everything to dampen it. It's not convenience, I'm just confused because I've never had to deal with someone like this before. Does infatuation last long? it's not infatuation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOTOKO Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 it's not infatuation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well what is it then?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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