Is anyone voluntarily childless?

[GoGo_dancer]

Me and my other half are currently at a massive cross-roads in our lives. We're waiting on a referral to start ICSI (like IVF) as we have numerous fertility issues and cannot conceive naturally. Some people seem to think that fertility treatment is a natural next step for those wanting a family, but personally I'm very reluctant to put my body and my relationship through such a massive ordeal.

 

We've spent quite a lot of time talking about our options and how far we're willing to go and at this point we're 50/50 on starting treatment. We also seem to be coming up with a lot of benefits to not having children and whilst we're aware this is not a decision to be taken lightly, we're finding it very tempting to just stop trying and concentrate on a life without children.

All our of friends and family have had kids and I somehow feel that it's expected of us to just do 'whatever it takes' to become parents and I do worry that people will judge us if we suddenly choose to change our minds!

 

I know there is a support group for people who are involuntarily childless (More to Life) but I'm curious to get some feedback from people who decided from the start that kids just weren't for them. Was there a particular reason you decided not to have kids and has there been any point in your life when you've regretted that decision?

 

If anyone is involuntarily childess then I'll also welcome any comments from you aswell!

[Jessica23]

I'm still on the fence, but I know the childfree (rather than childless) movement is quite big in the US - you could try googling 'childfree by choice' and see if there's any information available to you there.

 

What I will say is that it's none of your friends and family's business what you decide and if it was me in your situation I'd tell them that at the first hint of a judgmental comment...

[shoo gal]

I've never wanted children. People always tell me that will change, but I never have and know I never will.

 

I'm only 30, but this is the time where people generally start having them if they haven't already. There are a few reasons why - mainly, being honest, is that I have a severe phobia of being sick, and possible morning sickness and having to clean up after a baby/child when they are poorly fills me with panic.

 

Having said that, after years of therapy for this phobia, I think I would just about be able to cope with it. I just don't want children.

 

I'm in a serious relationship and so we have had to talk about this. My partner seems to be ok with it, and says that too many people focus on the things they don't have, not what they do have. We have an amazing relationship in everyway, and I like it just being us and having the life we have.

 

Society has a lot to answer sometimes, I feel a bit pressured because it's like I'm supposed to have children. Maybe you feel a bit like that too. You don;t have to have children just because you feel you have to.

[Scozzie]

I've never wanted children either.

 

I've copped a fair amount of grief from people over the years beasue I don't want them, but as I say - each to their own. I love my way of life. I love being able to jump in the car and go where I want, when I want and you cant leave your kids in a kennel while you go away.

You also cant leave them at home for a couple of hours while you go for a romantic dinner, or a dinner party.

Everything is easier when you don't have kids.

You get to spend your money on what you want - instead of saving it for what the kids need.

 

I've been asked by parents if I feel as thouh there is something missing from my life?

I always think - don't they find that LIFE is missing from theirs?

 

Each to their own. I couldn't have them running around, and I woudn't want to.

I like my freedom.

I love my mum, and I would do anything to have her back, but as she was blind -she was very dependant on me, so I feel like I've done my time.

 

I do feel sad for people who want them and cant have them, they seem to be the people who would make the best parents.

 

Only you can make the decision for you - and don't let it be made just because people 'expect' you to have one.

[Happ Hazzard]

I think too many people have children just because they feel obligated to. With the way the world is and this country in particular is, I think there are a lot more downsides to having children than positives. Anyone having children today is doing so in the full knowledge that world resources are going to run out within their lifetime and they will have to face that and the chaos that comes with it.

[llamatron]

I've never wanted children either.

 

I've copped a fair amount of grief from people over the years beasue I don't want them, but as I say - each to their own. I love my way of life. I love being able to jump in the car and go where I want, when I want and you cant leave your kids in a kennel while you go away.

You also cant leave them at home for a couple of hours while you go for a romantic dinner, or a dinner party.

Everything is easier when you don't have kids.

You get to spend your money on what you want - instead of saving it for what the kids need.

 

I've been asked by parents if I feel as thouh there is something missing from my life?

I always think - don't they find that LIFE is missing from theirs?

 

Each to their own. I couldn't have them running around, and I woudn't want to.

I like my freedom.

I love my mum, and I would do anything to have her back, but as she was blind -she was very dependant on me, so I feel like I've done my time.

 

I do feel sad for people who want them and cant have them, they seem to be the people who would make the best parents.

 

Only you can make the decision for you - and don't let it be made just because people 'expect' you to have one.

 

I know the feeling. I have had people asking my other half what is the point in him going out with me because I don't want kids. I thought that was a shocking comment!

 

We have a great life, he couldn't take the responsibility of kids and I couldn't take the noise and mess. I will keep my quiet and relatively stress free life thank you.

[DaisyBoo]

i dont want kids and my boyfriend does, obviously this is a bit of a problem. i have always said from the off that i didnt want kids but he really really does.

 

we have been together over 2 years. i think he is hoping i will change my mind, im 30 and have no urges to start popping them out!!

[mj.scuba]

I think too many people have children just because they feel obligated to. With the way the world is and this country in particular is, I think there are a lot more downsides to having children than positives. Anyone having children today is doing so in the full knowledge that world resources are going to run out within their lifetime and they will have to face that and the chaos that comes with it.

 

I seriously doubt any couples have children because of some notion they're obliged to, though I could possibly see a situation where a woman feels pressured by a broody male.

[GoGo_dancer]

I would never be swayed by what others think, but obviously I would want them to support us in our decision and I just get the feeling that some people would be shocked, or dare I say it, disappointed if we decide not to go ahead!

 

I'm more worried about my own mother actually, I'm an only child for her (my Dad re-married and had 5 kids) and she's longed for the day when I make her a Grandmother.

 

And thanks for the tip Jessica, I'll have a look at the Child Free info!

[llamatron]

I seriously doubt any couples have children because of some notion they're obliged to, though I could possibly see a situation where a woman feels pressured by a broody male.

 

I definitely feel pressured by society, occasionally I think maybe I should for my partners sake because I get it from so many angles that I am being selfish.

 

The truth is my reasoning is partially for the sake of the imaginary child. There are too many people and I am very worried about the future of the planet. Also I don't like screaming snotting brats anywhere near me:hihi: