LaughingCow Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 I haven't decided whether I want kids or not (I'm only 21 got plenty of time!) but I can understand both points of view. People shouldn't feel pressured by society though, times have moved on from the traditional 'women have kids men go out to work'. Anyone who judges you as selfish or in any way because you decide not to have kids is not worth the time or effort if you ask me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discodown Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 And the choice to have children is equally selfish by that logic, since it's also made for yourself and not the child (given that at the time of the decision, said child doesn't exist yet). Hence ''I hate you and I didn't ask to be born'', slamming doors etc Most of the time yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discodown Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 But 'the child' doesn't exist, so I don't think it's right to say it's selfish, like saying it's selfish to eat a whole chocolate bar but not sharing it with an imaginary friend.How can it be anything other than selfish when remaining voluntarily childless has almost no disadvantages? Claiming you're doing a favour to a hypothetical person makes no sense. Claiming that you're doing nobody a favour by not being their parent is just too complicated to think about. You may as well claim credit for any and every hypothetical situation that ever could happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessica23 Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 Most of the time yes. So, given that the term selfish is usually intended in a nasty way (rather than the less emotive 'acting out of self-interest', for e.g.), surely it's better to abandon calling either childfree or with-child people selfish? No one would tell new parents to their face that their decision to breed was selfish, but it seems to be open season on childless/free people. Not fair and not very pleasant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discodown Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 So, given that the term selfish is usually intended in a nasty way (rather than the less emotive 'acting out of self-interest', for e.g.), surely it's better to abandon calling either childfree or with-child people selfish? No one would tell new parents to their face that their decision to breed was selfish, but it seems to be open season on childless/free people. Not fair and not very pleasant. I don't mean it in a nasty way. Just a stark matter of fact statement. I can easily say acting out of self interest if it makes you happy. But i'm bitter and misanthropic about being a parent and envious of the childfree and their lifestyle. My only comfort is to label non breeders selfish! Cut me a little slack! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessica23 Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 I don't mean it in a nasty way. Just a stark matter of fact statement. I can easily say acting out of self interest if it makes you happy. But i'm bitter and misanthropic about being a parent and envious of the childfree and their lifestyle. My only comfort is to label non breeders selfish! Cut me a little slack! Consider the slack cut. But... 'acting out of self-interest' doesn't have the same rhetorical power as calling someone selfish - I know which I'd prefer to hear if I was definitively not going to have children and someone else felt qualified to pronounce on my decision. (Side note: they would RUE THE DAY). So yes, it would make me happy if in future everyone who was tempted to use the term selfish would refrain. Jolly good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flowersfade Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 My aunt is willingly childless and proud of it.That is her choice and I respect her for it.It annoys me when people say to her it's wrong etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discodown Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 My aunt is willingly childless and proud of it.That is her choice and I respect her for it.It annoys me when people say to her it's wrong etc.Thats because its not wrong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EdnaKrabappe Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 I don't have children. The partner I was with for a long time didn't want them and I respected his wishes and I wasn't that bothered. Since then I've not found anyone I'd want to have them with (or them with me!) For me, having children is something that comes from a loving relationship, not a certain, and if I didn't have the relationship, I didn't want them. I think too many people use children as something 'to do' after the wedding or a length of time and then transfer their affections onto their children instead of concentrating on why they ended up with them in the first place. Not everyone but lots. As I hit the big 4-0 shortly, I guess it's a no. It doesn't make me sad, I'm more sad I've not met the right someone to even consider having them with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funkymiss Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 I have friends who have struggled to conceive and it's been heartbreaking to watch what they are going through. If I ever found myself in this position I hope I dealt with it like you are. IVF/adoption isn't the option for everyone, so I don't know why some people assume it to be. I think it's the saddest thing when the want for kids destroys people's happiness/relationship. Although it is obviously a very in-built desire for some people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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