Is anyone voluntarily childless?

[Frohike]

Im a 40year old guy, no kids. Ive never really felt paternal. I think if I was meant to have them, I would have by now! I once shared an office with a lady who didn't have kids either, another woman told us she thought we were selfish for not having them - how crazy is that!

I think you should have them because you both want them and not because your feeling pressured into having them by family or friends.

[Scozzie]

I remember a couple of years ago in Melbourne (Australia), there were some developers who were planning a 'Child Free' planned estate..... A whole suburb without schools, kindergarens etc and NO kids. there was a HUGE interest in it from people who didn't want kids of their on and didn't want kids shrieking around them. It was the ultimate utopia for some people. But then the family groups got involved and it was considered 'discrimination' bah! EVERY other new planned development was built around families. We saw *that* as descrimination.

 

I wouldn't say it is a 'movement', I would say it is 'choice', 'medical' or whatever reason, but there are more and more people fighting for rights to 'child free' zones.

 

I was very hung over and tired once on the train on the way back from London, so I bought a ticket in the 'quiet' zone... well, the screaming kids were ANYTHING but quiet, and when I mentioned it to the conductor, he told me that the 'quiet' refers to electronics such as phones. grrrrrr.

 

I would love to sit in a beer garden at a pub on a sunny afternoon and have some drinks with my friends - sun warm on the face and not have footballs kicked over the table, without strangers kids trying to climb on me and without kids crying. Oh, and keep your pooey infants away from my table while I am eating, thank you very much. I don't want you to flop your boobs out in front of me, either.

 

http://www.stressfreehome.co.uk/child-free-living.html

 

http://www.ivillage.co.uk/the-child-free-by-choice-brigade-wave-bye-bye-baby/82449

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Childfree-Loving-Nicki-Defago/dp/1904132634

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childfree

 

http://child-free-zone.blogspot.com/

[llamatron]

There does seem to be a pressure on women that if they aren't a mother they have somehow failed at being a woman. Also in general there seems to be a sort of evolving attitude that children should be deified and put on a pedestal and admired and everyone should be tolerant and glad of them.

 

Partially this is driven by Mumsnet and the like who for some reason regard little Tarquin as just the most fab thing that ever squirmed its way out of mammal. These are also the same people who use the phrase "miracle of birth" which in itself is so fatuous as to make the blood vessels in your eyes burst with fury. The miracle of birth is no more a miracle than snot emerging from your nose when you sneeze. The miracle is happening all day every day so by that alone it can't be a miracle.

 

The truth is that having kids is great. But only to the people that have those particular kids. I love my kid but i'm not very interested in yours and I don't want or expect you to be interested in mine. I love family time and I love quality time and christmas is just fantastic. But that doesn't mean I wander round grinning inanely and foolishly.

 

Having kids is also hard work, physically and emotionally. They can stretch a relationship to breaking point, they require constant attention, supervision and sacrifice and particularly for a dad there are no thank you's or rewards. Kids are inconvenient, ungrateful and can be tiresome they also mean that everything from a holiday to a trip to the shop requires military planning and those plans may have to be abandoned at the last moment. Kids are hard work.

 

On the flip not having kids is also great. You can do what you like, when you like, you'll probably be wealthier, probably age better, certainly be more relaxed and less stressed. On the other hand you'll probably die alone in a sterile, characterless nursing home and be buried in a paupers grave where nobody will ever remember you.

 

However by remaining childless through choice lets not forget you are basically being selfish. You are doing it for you, no matter how much you protest that there are too many people or that you are doing society a favour. You aren't. You're doing yourself a favour.

 

Childless people need to be tolerant and compassionate toward parents, not children. Parents need to realise that their children are only important to them and other people shouldn't have to tolerate them.

 

But you are also being selfish for having them. You are doing it for you either way!

[GoGo_dancer]

Morning peeps

 

Thanks for your honest and varied feedback! I'm certainly glad I asked the question now!

 

You've all touched on the main pro's and con's which are playing on my mind right now.

 

I guess that in a way it's fair to say that choosing not to have kids is selfish. I can't lie and say that we haven't thought of how much freedom it will bring but seeing as Mother Nature has seen fit to deal us such a cruel blow then why the hell shouldn't we make the most of it? And other's have already touched on how much we'll be saving the NHS. Fertility treatment alone costs thousands, not to mention the ongoing cost of pre/ante natal care.

 

I do also worry about growing old without a network of family around us and spending our final years alone in a nursing home, but then again surely that's just as selfish a reason to have kids? I supposed at that point we'll drain the NHS resources that we freed up in the earlier stages of our lives!

[llamatron]

Im a 40year old guy, no kids. Ive never really felt paternal. I think if I was meant to have them, I would have by now! I once shared an office with a lady who didn't have kids either, another woman told us she thought we were selfish for not having them - how crazy is that!

I think you should have them because you both want them and not because your feeling pressured into having them by family or friends.

 

or quite often people you hardly know:loopy: what are they thinking?

[llamatron]

I remember a couple of years ago in Melbourne (Australia), there were some developers who were planning a 'Child Free' planned estate..... A whole suburb without schools, kindergarens etc and NO kids. there was a HUGE interest in it from people who didn't want kids of their on and didn't want kids shrieking around them. It was the ultimate utopia for some people. But then the family groups got involved and it was considered 'discrimination' bah! EVERY other new planned development was built around families. We saw *that* as descrimination.

 

I wouldn't say it is a 'movement', I would say it is 'choice', 'medical' or whatever reason, but there are more and more people fighting for rights to 'child free' zones.

 

I was very hung over and tired once on the train on the way back from London, so I bought a ticket in the 'quiet' zone... well, the screaming kids were ANYTHING but quiet, and when I mentioned it to the conductor, he told me that the 'quiet' refers to electronics such as phones. grrrrrr.

 

I would love to sit in a beer garden at a pub on a sunny afternoon and have some drinks with my friends - sun warm on the face and not have footballs kicked over the table, without strangers kids trying to climb on me and without kids crying. Oh, and keep your pooey infants away from my table while I am eating, thank you very much. I don't want you to flop your boobs out in front of me, either.

 

http://www.stressfreehome.co.uk/child-free-living.html

 

http://www.ivillage.co.uk/the-child-free-by-choice-brigade-wave-bye-bye-baby/82449

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Childfree-Loving-Nicki-Defago/dp/1904132634

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childfree

 

http://child-free-zone.blogspot.com/

 

There is one in the UK, I think its somewhere in scotland. Kids are allowed to visit but not allowed to live there. FAB!

[llamatron]

Morning peeps

 

Thanks for your honest and varied feedback! I'm certainly glad I asked the question now!

 

You've all touched on the main pro's and con's which are playing on my mind right now.

 

I guess that in a way it's fair to say that choosing not to have kids is selfish. I can't lie and say that we haven't thought of how much freedom it will bring but seeing as Mother Nature has seen fit to deal us such a cruel blow then why the hell shouldn't we make the most of it? And other's have already touched on how much we'll be saving the NHS. Fertility treatment alone costs thousands, not to mention the ongoing cost of pre/ante natal care.

 

I do also worry about growing old without a network of family around us and spending our final years alone in a nursing home, but then again surely that's just as selfish a reason to have kids? I supposed at that point we'll drain the NHS resources that we freed up in the earlier stages of our lives!

 

no it really isn't!

[shoo gal]

But you are also being selfish for having them. You are doing it for you either way!

 

There's no selfless good deed. Humans do a good deed for selfish reasons.

[Janette1169]

Me and my other half are currently at a massive cross-roads in our lives. We're waiting on a referral to start ICSI (like IVF) as we have numerous fertility issues and cannot conceive naturally. Some people seem to think that fertility treatment is a natural next step for those wanting a family, but personally I'm very reluctant to put my body and my relationship through such a massive ordeal.

 

We've spent quite a lot of time talking about our options and how far we're willing to go and at this point we're 50/50 on starting treatment. We also seem to be coming up with a lot of benefits to not having children and whilst we're aware this is not a decision to be taken lightly, we're finding it very tempting to just stop trying and concentrate on a life without children.

All our of friends and family have had kids and I somehow feel that it's expected of us to just do 'whatever it takes' to become parents and I do worry that people will judge us if we suddenly choose to change our minds!

 

I know there is a support group for people who are involuntarily childless (More to Life) but I'm curious to get some feedback from people who decided from the start that kids just weren't for them. Was there a particular reason you decided not to have kids and has there been any point in your life when you've regretted that decision?

 

If anyone is involuntarily childess then I'll also welcome any comments from you aswell!

 

I decided at the age of 14 i didn't want children. I like children, however never really been 'mumsy'.

I do look after my neice and do what needs to be done for her, nappies,feeding and keepin her happy and amused, but relieved when she does go home to mum. I couldn't do it full time.

I don't feel i have missed out or deprived my parents of been grandparents like it has been suggested by some family members.

You have children because you want them not to please others and i really don't think the population is going to suffer because a few of us decide not to have them.

Those that do want children.. well that's great its obviously their choice and what they want.

[discodown]

But you are also being selfish for having them. You are doing it for you either way!

Remind me why having kids is selfish again please.

 

Speaking for myself I didn't want kids, didn't plan for them and used contraception that didn't work. She didn't want an abortion and gave me a choice. I'm a reluctant parent.