Fishcake Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 I imagine there will be others who would come forward. This should be reported, you were a young boy who did nothing wrong, he was a young man who has done much wrong and probably went on to do more wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julado Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 It could be considered abuse....but...what is the OP wanting from this thread??? Is he wanting retribution...that this man now be exposed and prosecuted??? Is he wanting to get things right in his own mind so he can move on with his life??? He says further that the experimenting went on for a while...he didn't see it as wrong or improper and actually enjoyed it. What outcome does the OP want from this...what input from us is he looking for??? How we deal with abuse can vary....depending on whether we are able to change things...whatever he does the fact still remains...even though we may feel we want revenge on those who abused us...and file for prosecutions many years later. Or we can choose acceptance....accept that we were abused...and take the power back. By choosing acceptance (although the deed was wrong)...we don't allow the abuser to take any more of our life than they already have. Each day we remain a victim to abuse is another day our abusers win....and they will keep on winning whilst we let them...even though the physical stuff has stopped. In my own case I have lessened the "crime" of my abuser from abuse to inappropriate behaviour. I can't change what happened...he is dead. The OP says he is gay....he will have always been gay....the inappropriate behaviour that happened when he was 10 wouldn't have changed that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upinwath Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 It was abuse and he needs reporting. I don't think anyone could be 'made' gay though. The fact that you enjoyed it is neither here nor there IMO - it's the fact that he was old enough to know the boundaries and you were not. Sounds about right. Even at 18, he was easily old enough to know he was out of order. Can't see that making you gay. I'm guessing, assuming you enjoy 'private' time with men, you are. If you weren't, you'd revolt against it or find it distasteful. @julado - He should be hammered. Done it once may well mean done it a lot. Even if it was just the once, it's clearly had an effect on the OP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julado Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 @julado - He should be hammered. Done it once may well mean done it a lot. Even if it was just the once, it's clearly had an effect on the OP. And it is resolving the effect on the OP that concerns me most. If the OP feels the right course of action is prosecution then that is good...however he may, as I previously said, just wanted to sort it in his mind so he can move on with his life. We are all looking from the outside saying report him....and get him prosecuted...but it's not us that will have to recall in minute details the events....to the police and later in court whilst facing the man. The OP has to take care of his on psychological wellbeing before opening cans of worms than could damage him further. And once he has opened the can...the police will look for further "victims" who also then may be subject to giving detailed reports to the police. The thing about the 18 year old is that he was in a position of trust...but would an 18 year old understand totally what this means??? We don't know anything about this young man...about whether he was a mature or immature for a youth of his age. And where was the protection of the young scouts when clearly the other scout leaders knew that there were issues with the 18 year old. Why was he allowed to continue being a leader? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funkymiss Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 And it is resolving the effect on the OP that concerns me most. If the OP feels the right course of action is prosecution then that is good...however he may, as I previously said, just wanted to sort it in his mind so he can move on with his life. We are all looking from the outside saying report him....and get him prosecuted...but it's not us that will have to recall in minute details the events....to the police and later in court whilst facing the man. The OP has to take care of his on psychological wellbeing before opening cans of worms than could damage him further. And once he has opened the can...the police will look for further "victims" who also then may be subject to giving detailed reports to the police. The thing about the 18 year old is that he was in a position of trust...but would an 18 year old understand totally what this means??? We don't know anything about this young man...about whether he was a mature or immature for a youth of his age. And where was the protection of the young scouts when clearly the other scout leaders knew that there were issues with the 18 year old. Why was he allowed to continue being a leader? Would you feel differently perhaps if your child was also a member of that scout group? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upinwath Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Would you feel differently perhaps if your child was also a member of that scout group? That's the point. Done it once, probably do it again. It could end up bad. This thread could be far more than it seems and the OP could have been hurt more than he's saying or realises. We have a kiddie fiddler regardless of what slant may be put on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julado Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Would you feel differently perhaps if your child was also a member of that scout group? But he isn't....it's that simple. Whilst people are baying for blood on this thread...no-one seems to be taking into account whether the OP actually wants blood...or just the ability to move on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funkymiss Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 But he isn't....it's that simple. Whilst people are baying for blood on this thread...no-one seems to be taking into account whether the OP actually wants blood...or just the ability to move on If you had any emotional ties, you would be talking differently. It's not simple, for that reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julado Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 If you had any emotional ties, you would be talking differently. It's not simple, for that reason. Would I....are you sure about that. I am not emotionally tied to this particular case....maybe you are...in which case you will know what the OP wants. But for the rest of us reading the thread at face value the OP asked whether the activities he encountered were abuse or experimentation and did they make him gay. As usual, forum members jump in with what he (in their opinions) should do about it..baying for blood..without even knowing what the OP wants to do about it. I merely gave the OP the viewpoint of considering the options. None of us know how long ago it actually happened...or how feasible it would be to bring about court proceedings etc......etc.....etc. Some of us in life choose to look back for retribution of the wrongs that were done to us....and more of our lives is then given up as a victim of it....some of us choose to move forward...letting it go...and not letting it take any more of our time. As one who has been abused at an early age....I chose the latter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funkymiss Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Would I....are you sure about that. I am not emotionally tied to this particular case....maybe you are...in which case you will know what the OP wants. But for the rest of us reading the thread at face value the OP asked whether the activities he encountered were abuse or experimentation and did they make him gay. As usual, forum members jump in with what he (in their opinions) should do about it..baying for blood..without even knowing what the OP wants to do about it. I merely gave the OP the viewpoint of considering the options. None of us know how long ago it actually happened...or how feasible it would be to bring about court proceedings etc......etc.....etc. Some of us in life choose to look back for retribution of the wrongs that were done to us....and more of our lives is then given up as a victim of it....some of us choose to move forward...letting it go...and not letting it take any more of our time. As one who has been abused at an early age....I chose the latter. It's not neccessarily baying for blood to feel that if he was reported it could stop it from happening to other people, as it may be. Nobody knows the ins and outs, so nobody is at more of a position to say either way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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