Dear Forum... Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I had a miscarriage last year and thought i was doing ok....but am now finding it increasing difficult to cope with things, getting up in the morning, most days i just want to stick my head under the duvet and stay there. I have suffered with depression for the past 5 years,was doing well....but am feeling myself slowly slipping, i can spot the tell tale signs coming back, i have my first counselling session this week so maybe that will help. I am struggling to deal with friends who are pregnant, I'm really happy for them but it hurts so much to see them with their bumps, I keep torturing myself with thoughts of how big i should be, what i should be buying, how i should be decorating the nursery. My partner *seems* to have dealt with it and filed it away, he looks uncomfortable when i try to talk to him about our baby so i give up. I feel like i have no-one to talk to, no-one understands or cares anymore. People make me feel like i should be 'over it' by now and i feel like they roll their eyes when i try to talk about what's happened so i keep it all in. We are trying to conceive again but that in itself brings a whole host of other thoughts and pressures so it's very hit n miss as to when we 'babymake' (i won't give you the gory details!) Some days i think or assume that a new pregnancy will heal all my worries and make my life complete, some days i question it, what if it doesn't?? I don't know what to do from this point.... Advice please.x. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flowersfade Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Firstly well done on seeking counselling,Hopefully you will find it beneficial.There are a few miscarriage support groups that your Gp should be able to put you in touch with. As for your partner he may just have buried his feeling deep he may benefit from counselling too. The important thing is that you do not blame yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medusa Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Don't worry about 'people', worry about yourself. It seems obvious that you need a little more help to be able to move on (not that you'll ever forget, nor that it will ever be OK) and if that's what you need then that's what you need. The people who think you should be over this by now have obviously never lost a child. Nobody who's ever actually been through it would ever be so hurtful because they understand that it's one of the hardest things to cope with that could ever happen to you and your partner. Are you in touch with the Miscarriage Association? If not, then I'd suggest that you make a start on getting some support there, because everybody who you speak to through the association will understand how hard it is trying to pick yourself up and have a life when in your position and most of them will have struggled with it themselves. I hope you find some peace soon, whether that involves counselling, making a memories box and writing to your baby or just hanging in there until the pain is less overwhelming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just a bloke Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 As Flowersfade says, you should not blame yourself. Above anything else, this wasn't your fault. People handle difficult situations in different ways - I'm guessing from the fact you posted here, you are the type of person who can open up and talk. Your partner seems to be the opposite. Just because it seems he has filed it away, I am betting that he hasn't. There is a still a stigma for men to reveal that they may have emotions (heaven forbid!) and this may be the thing with your partner. There is no easy solution and no easy answer for the both of you ...... and the old cliche about time healing, quite often is the way it is You will be over it when you are - no sooner - no later. There is light at the end of the tunnel - it may just seems that tunnel is very long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eater Sundae Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I have no experiences to draw on to help you. I just wanted to say good luck and I hope you are able to get the help and closure you need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badlittlepup Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I am sorry, sounds like you've had horrible time. There was a study which came out last week which linked miscarriage to depression and suggested that the grief does last an awfully long time so I think in that respect what you're going through is the normal greiving process, hopefully the counselling will help and I do wish you all the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
auntysocial Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Thats a sad story, im sure your other half is just being a usual fella and thinking it will go away by not talking about it. You should try a few Reiki healing treatments to help you release it all, this will help your whole body and make the next little "seedling" grow in a healthy strong enviroment. It is also good for depression and everything really x x x I hope you feel better soon and you and you other half get your baby, think positive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shazatko Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 we cant advise hun but you need to talk it through which you are going to do with counclling i hope you can pull threw this emotionally hard time things will get better for you dont push yourself to hard you will get there big hugs and loads of love xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badlittlepup Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I hope you feel better soon and you and you other half get your baby, think positive. That's true. I don't mean to sound insensitive but on the bright side at least you know you can conceive so hopefully you shouldn't have to wait to long to be a mum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxforcefive Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Things do get better. Having suffered a miscarriage and a stillbirth, I thought I would never smile again.......I did and constantly do! There isn't a time limit for grief - so don't feel rushed, but don't neglect your loved ones whilst you grieve. Love and hugs. fff x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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