Your first funny story.

[hillsbro]

The first one I remember was in the Twikker, c. 1959....

 

Fido, a lovable mongrel, lived at a pub and was well known to all the regulars. One night, the landlord was ejecting the last, reluctant drinker and slammed the door on Fido’s tail, chopping it clean off. This caused much comment among the regular customers, and the tail was fixed above the bar for all to see.

One night, some years later, Fido peacefully passed away in his sleep. He floated up to Doggy Heaven and barked at the pearly gates. St Bernard came to let him in, but noticed he had no tail. Fido explained that he’d lost it, but St Bernard said that they only let whole dogs in, so he would have to go back and fetch it. Fido floated down to earth again, and got into the pub through the scullery window as usual. He tried to reach the tail over the bar, but couldn’t manage it. There was only one thing for it - he would have to get the boss up. He barked until the landlord came downstairs in his nightshirt, and then he explained his problem. The boss said “Well, I’m sorry Fido, but you know the rules - I can’t retail spirits after hours…

[Jim Hardie]

The first one I remember was in the Twikker, c. 1959....

 

Fido, a lovable mongrel, lived at a pub and was well known to all the regulars. One night, the landlord was ejecting the last, reluctant drinker and slammed the door on Fido’s tail, chopping it clean off. This caused much comment among the regular customers, and the tail was fixed above the bar for all to see.

One night, some years later, Fido peacefully passed away in his sleep. He floated up to Doggy Heaven and barked at the pearly gates. St Bernard came to let him in, but noticed he had no tail. Fido explained that he’d lost it, but St Bernard said that they only let whole dogs in, so he would have to go back and fetch it. Fido floated down to earth again, and got into the pub through the scullery window as usual. He tried to reach the tail over the bar, but couldn’t manage it. There was only one thing for it - he would have to get the boss up. He barked until the landlord came downstairs in his nightshirt, and then he explained his problem. The boss said “Well, I’m sorry Fido, but you know the rules - I can’t retail spirits after hours…

 

Was Bernie standing in for Pete?

[Texas]

I put a post on the outside lavatorys thread the other day, nobody picked it up but it reminded me of an old Jimmy Tarbuck gag.

This bloke is telling his mate about the bunch of seaweed hung up in his 'kasi'. He's saying that when its damp he knows it's raining or about to rain. And when it's dry there's going to be sunshine.

'Well, says his mate, what if it's snowing?'

'Then it's white,' says the bloke.

'How can it be white if it's in the lav'? says his mate.

'Cos there's no door on.' says the bloke.

[Banker]

Was Bernie standing in for Pete?

This is Doggy Heaven - have you heard of a breed of dog called a St Peter? No, I haven't either!...

[Jim Hardie]

This is Doggy Heaven - have you heard of a breed of dog called a St Peter? No, I haven't either!...

 

Well spotted Banker! I stand corrected.