Kaimani Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 I find it perfectly acceptable too. There's an ex who upset me in such a way that I couldn't speak to him again, but the others just fizzled out - but that's not to say I don't have anything in common with them anymore and don't enjoy their company - as I always did - but just in a different way. The fact I went out with them once doesn't actually come into it anymore. i know. i have one who's become so much of 'sister' to me that it creeps me out thinking i ever spent any time panting between her knees:hihi: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kthebean Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 Some girls just like the idea of any man fancying them so they will lead them on even if it ruins the friendship. A lot of girls are friends with blokes just to give them that boost of attention. Yes this is true, and I'm always suspicious of women who say 'to be honest I prefer to be friends with men that women, women are so bitchy and so much harder to get along with' -well, I have plenty of female friends and quite often find men hard to get along with if you are not fluttering your eyelids and laughing at their jokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tulipa Posted March 17, 2011 Author Share Posted March 17, 2011 it's always possible, but equally there's room for complication. i have plenty of female friends i have no intention of sleeping with; i do think that attraction is an important aspect of the question. i've also had friendships which have gotten 'complicated', and even friendships which have turned into relationships. and, i know second hand of relationships which have ended with both ex-partners being able to remain close friends. but it's tough and potentially painful. i've just come out of a relationship which began with one of my best friends falling for me, followed by a tortured year of self-denial before i allowed myself to reciprocate. we lasted a year and a half but it was too intense, and illness on my partner's part drove her into a deep depression, which i followed. i still want to be with her, but she's cold to me now. not nice at all, and made so much worse by our platonic relationship before. i wouldn't want to change the fact that we did have time together, but the trauma of it ending is horrific. there are no rules with these things, no guidelines which are proven to work. a constant tightrope - but then again, so is everything. i think we create an awful lot of problems for ourselves by presuming that there's a set A-B-C to everything which we can follow. you've just gotta use your nous, learn from your mistakes and move forward. i don't think i'll be falling for a friend again any time soon... Wow, sounds like it was a very painful experience and it's great that you don't regret your time together, despite how things turned out and the emotional pain involved. Thanks for sharing you're story CharlieW. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Bourne Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 Yep exactly. I think trouble starts if there are a certain single girls lets say , with a bit of a reputation, who hang around groups of attached males down the pub every week. they wouldnt be classed as 'friends' but more like 'opportunists' lol, you know what I mean. Are you referring to the blokes or the girls x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoesme Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 I definately think you can be friends with the opposite sex, I certainly have plenty of males pals but usually (in fact 99%) of the time they are partners of my friends. And I wouldnt meet up with a male friend without my partner or other friends being around purely because my partner wouldnt like it and I wouldnt like it if he did the same I did have a very good male friend at uni, who nothing ever happened with, but just as we left uni he confessed he was madly in love with me . It didnt break the friendship because I was honest with him and he understood. Some girls just like the idea of any man fancying them so they will lead them on even if it ruins the friendship. A lot of girls are friends with blokes just to give them that boost of attention. In my experience this is true, it can be rather difficult to be in a relationship with someone who is like this. Also, being a man i know what we can be like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoesme Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 One ex even told me that it was something to fall back on if our relationship broke up, nice! Needless to say we broke up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Bourne Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 It's to do with it not being appropriate to jump every member of the opposite sex, whether they want it or not- we've evolved past that haven't we? Er, no, not all of us... x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rowan22 Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 oi, we love girls with reputations down at the ale house. they touch us behind the ears and make us feel virile...before we return home to be well and truly neutered again... Classic and so true. All the "lads" who let’s face it are trying so hard to be a big man that they seldom seem anything but over compensating for the fact that they don’t really feel that way at all. It's a paradox that to be a man and feel a man you must be in touch with your feelings in the first place. And this means the "DREADED" feminine side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EdnaKrabappe Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 Mm, I do have male friends of varying lengths of friendship and whilst I like to think yes, some things do seem to happen often. Male friends, when they meet someone, do seem to disappear off the radar if there has been any 'innocent' flirting, attraction on either side or closeness of any type. And people who have found me attractive and I haven't back but I do like them as a friend, often do disappear when they've got a g/f. :rolleyes Sometimes they do reappear when the relationship has broken up which does often lead me to question the fact I'm a great substitute but never the main event! I do have some male friends though who neither of us has found the other attractive and they are still there but again, they seem to often disappear when they meet someone. That's often not just males though. Someone who I considered a good male friend I've felt very let down by since he got a girlfriend, used to speak to him nearly every day and almost overnight it stopped and I've now only spoken to him twice this year. That's not the first time that's happened. On the whole scenario of men/women can't say much more without admitting stuff I don't necessarily want to. At the end of the day, I'd rather have the friendship than bugger it up by admitting I like someone and then them being horrified or it all going pear shaped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melthebell Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 Mm, I do have male friends of varying lengths of friendship and whilst I like to think yes, some things do seem to happen often. Male friends, when they meet someone, do seem to disappear off the radar if there has been any 'innocent' flirting, attraction on either side or closeness of any type. And people who have found me attractive and I haven't back but I do like them as a friend, often do disappear when they've got a g/f. :rolleyes Sometimes they do reappear when the relationship has broken up which does often lead me to question the fact I'm a great substitute but never the main event! I do have some male friends though who neither of us has found the other attractive and they are still there but again, they seem to often disappear when they meet someone. That's often not just males though. Someone who I considered a good male friend I've felt very let down by since he got a girlfriend, used to speak to him nearly every day and almost overnight it stopped and I've now only spoken to him twice this year. That's not the first time that's happened. On the whole scenario of men/women can't say much more without admitting stuff I don't necessarily want to. At the end of the day, I'd rather have the friendship than bugger it up by admitting I like someone and then them being horrified or it all going pear shaped. are we freinds? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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