ksms Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 To cut a very long story short my ex partner has not seen our son since he was 6 and a half. Prior to that they were very close - crap partner but good dad!!! Anyway following an argument between myself and him he stopeed coming to collect him. He sent him a birthday card the 1st birthday but since then nothing. around every xmas and birthday my son watches for the post man everyday and his behaviour is not good around these times. My question is this - my sons birthday is coming up and again he is on letterbox duty - should I send a card from his dad? My now partner thinks this is a bad idea and part of me does to but I hate to see him hurting like this and dont want him to think that his dad doesnt care -(although it is obvious that he doesnt - but that cant be easy to accept for a young boy). Please tell me what you think Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vwills1978 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 hi there, i can totally sympathise with you on this one, ive lived for the past 15 years a very similar situation. As parents, especially as mums, we love our kids so much that we are willing to do anything to protect them. Have you tried to contact your ex partner at all to explain the situation to him, if you havnt id be tempted to try that first, he may just surprise you and your little man. good luck hun x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_rudeboy Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Can you not contact your sons dad and speak to him about the distress he is causing his son? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bagger Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Don't send a card on his Dad's behalf. Eventually he will find out the truth and he will resent you for it. Also if he gets a card from his 'dad' this year he will start hoping for visits etc and he will be even more disappointed when that doesn't happen. I agree with the previous posts, can't you get in touch with his Dad and explain to him. It's bloody wicked that his Dad has cut contact simply because he fell out with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
llamatron Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Can you not contact your sons dad and speak to him about the distress he is causing his son? I like your signature! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mj.scuba Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Ring his Dad, tell him to man up and start being a Dad again, and you expect him to collect his son at given times every week/fortnight or whenever. TBH this is what you should have done when it originally started. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vwills1978 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 going back to my previous post and trying to look at your situation from all angles, if contacting your ex is not possible i.e you dont know where he is etc, id be tempted to think about telling your son a softly taken explanation of the truth. firstly though it would be a good idea to contact your sons school ( i have done this myself with my own son) and explain the situation to them. they should be able to point you in the right direction for a form of counselling/emotional support for the both of you, should the truth come out. its sometimes better to have these things in place before the child is told anything, so that the right people are around to help with any emotional distress your son suffers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksms Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 Thanks for your responses. I have contacted a local mediation service on two occasions, who have in turn written to my ex but he has never replied to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksms Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 Ring his Dad, tell him to man up and start being a Dad again, and you expect him to collect his son at given times every week/fortnight or whenever. TBH this is what you should have done when it originally started. without going into too much detail on here - my ex was seeeing a number of different women at the time (living with one and 'knocking off two more!) and invloving my son with all of them. All I said was I did not think this was appropiate and that he should see his son alone or only introduce to a woman once in a long term relationship. He said I could not tell him what to do and thats the last we heard from him. He does pay child support each month. It is so upsetting seeing my son upset. Only a few weeks ago he asked "why did dad drop me off and say see you next week and then has never come back/" I have to tell my son that his dads loves him cos I dont want him to think it is his fault. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzyoo Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 dont send the card - you will only give the lad false hope. it wont hurt your son to learn what his father really thinks / feels for him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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