De Batz Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Not quite in keeping with this month's challenge, but here's a short story for you. I'd be grateful for any feedback. Cheers, Andy Old Age I wonder if that worked... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Blanco Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Hi De Batz, What have we here then? A very interesting tale. I admit to being an ignoramous when it comes to history and philosophy, but I still enjoyed your tale. Though I suspect there are subtleties that I missed. I think you have created an authentic, arguably pompous, character in Dr Johnson. Groats is also sufficiently intriguing to become an engaging subject, and I loved his mischievous side. You certainly create the feeling that all is not as it seems. Regarding Groats' physical appearance, I was slightly thrown when at the start you compared him to a man with no hair, but later described his long curly hair. I realise I had made an assumption, which is always a dangerous thing to do. I had also imagined him to be a pipe-smoking, reclusive type, and I had to recompose this image when he turned out to be a chain-smoking, lecherous so-and-so. I liked the opening paragraph, though I suspect there are little things that could make it still sharper e.g. not repeating 'despite'. I thought the use of first-person, past tense, and longer sentences, gave it a nicely nostalgic feel. It was interesting to see the narrator come out of the story to explain the use of italics in the written version of his story. I'm not sure whether I liked that or not (sorry for being indecisive). As for the riddle surrounding his name, well I had my own thoughts about that as I read through the story, with Socrates and Logic going through my mind. But Dr Johnson's own unravelling of the anagram was very welcome. Nicely done DB. I shall look forward to more, Ron Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Peaches* Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Hmmm, again asks for a username and password? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Blanco Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Hi Peaches, Sometimes writers will post a link to their story, which is for the eyes of writing group members only. See the stickies at the top regarding passwords, and pm me if you still have trouble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Peaches* Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Thanks Ron Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
De Batz Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 I hadn't noticed my double 'despite' in the opening para, thanks for that. I'll have a think about a rephrase. Thanks for the feedback - I appreciate the effort it takes to read these sort of things! Andy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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