FatDave Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 De Batz – Help A sad review of an elderly life in a world where technology refuses to wait for the stubborn. You write with eloquence and beauty, though I feel sometimes you leave the more linguistically challenged behind… Yes, I mean me. Lady Agatha – Cat in a Bag A fantastic opening analogy, I loved how the cat theme ran like a vein through the entire story without taking the plot off track. I enjoyed disliking the cold, uncaring character you chiselled onto the page. Being able to see his mind work is a little scary, his train of thought is logical and calculating and completely without empathy. I love that his mistake, the “whisky fumble”, was his experiment; his clear use of a person as a tool is evident. You’ve created a character which is both vile and intriguing; I think he would make a great protagonist in a much longer story. Ron Blanco – The Meeting Simple yet effective descriptions painted a great picture of the cold world of business. I sympathise with Jane’s dilemma, and can almost see the “are you serious” looks she would receive when attempting to slow business for the sake of family. I felt her nerves going as they went, a situation I have found myself in from time to time, when words sounded confident and concise in my head yet just fall out timidly when I opened my mouth. All together a well written story I feel I can relate to. greg2 – Two Character in Search of a Plot Oh Greg, I do hope this isn’t autobiographical. I loved the dark humour of your characters struggle for inspiration. I get a lot of ideas when listening to music but I don’t think I’ve actually tried to finish a song (by the way, the Dylan reference was great, and just in time for his birthday). I enjoyed the image of the writer scanning through Hemmingway looking for something he could condense into 500 words, though I have definitely not heard the one about the Englishman, Irishman, and the elephant. Your story had good flow, I agree with your lack of he saids and she saids, the story spun well enough without them. LFT1 – A solid and scary testament to modern times. I felt the desperation of dealing with a bad decision when I read it, of knowing that you’re in a situation where you have no option but to ask for help of others. A little editing is required to improve the flow but in all, a great story which captures the desperation of the protagonist well. All in all a good plot with a realistic feel, I was left wanting to read more. Unfortunately a couple of the stories were over the word count limit by a little, while I feel this could be worked around with a little editing, I wouldn’t like to see any story compromised for such a minor mistake, and feel both stories concerned were richer for their rule breaking. And so, after much agonising, thanks for that, I have come to a decision. I feel each entry was gold, but there can only be one winner, congratulations Lady Agatha for her story Cat in a Bag. I felt the story was so well constructed, so perfectly planned, that I had to read over and over. I could read about your main character all day, he was so well thought out. I hope you’re enjoying your holiday Lady A, and I look forward to reading more of your work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tallyman Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Congratulations to Lady Agatha - she has the pleasure of choosing the theme for July! If anyone would like to comment on, or critique, any of the competition entries, please feel free to do so in this thread. I have also re-instated a comment which was temporarily hidden while the competition was still open. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Blanco Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 Congratulations to Lady Agatha for an inspired piece of work. Thanks to FatDave for an excellent roundup. And well done to everyone who had a go. Great stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Agatha Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Wow thank you, that cheers me up no end as I prepare to go back to the grind after some lovely sunny days on the beach. Two winning entries in a row is a real confidence boost. I actually wrote that story in about 15 minutes as I waited for the kids to get ready for school which is a lesson to me. I'm always complaining that I just don't get time to write properly and moaning that I've been working on my novel for over 2 years and don't seem to be any further forward. That just shows that you can do something everyday if you put your mind to it. Strange that when I do get some time that I can set aside for writing I seem to spend much of it staring out of the window, yet in that snatched 15 minutes I wrote 500 coherent words. I must congratulate greg2 on his piece which I thoroughly enjoyed - what a great ending! Well done everyone - hope you're all thinking of something good for June - give me some stuff to chew over. Lady A Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Blanco Posted June 6, 2011 Author Share Posted June 6, 2011 Fifteen minutes, Lady A? I think that supports the notion that inspiration is more important than perspiration. Congratulations on retaining your title. Country Living magazine may not appreciate you, but we do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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