Green Web Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 He also feels that when anyone tries to help him they're taking over and domineering him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amaranthus Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Would it help if he listed a reason for everything he wanted to keep, and then you went through it with him to see how valid and reasonable they were? Maybe it could open his eyes a little to confront why he really feels the need to keep everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Green Web Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 tried, but all I get is 'I might need it' and then the third degree about how wasteful i am, things my brother let slip that I've thrown away and needed later on, not bothered recycling and how much of a hypocrite I am because i used to work for an environmental organisation etc, maybe I am the wrong person to be helping him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shims Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Throwing perfectly good stuff away, instead of trying to find a good home for it is pure wastefulness. I'd far sooner associate wastefulness with mental illness, than hoarding. Of course, when any sense of cleanliness or tidiness goes 'out the window' and people are keeping things that don't hold meaning for them, or hoard stuff with a view to selling but never actually get around to the selling part, then it represents a problem. I'm sure plenty of people would consider me a hoarder but I'm just a collector. There's so much nice stuff out there that you can't blame people for being collector-hoarder types. I know of quite a few people with 10000+ records, including a couple of situations where the person owns an extra house / apartment just to store the music. I've music across about four rooms and if I go traveling one of my first thoughts would be "where can I go record digging". A big concern for me since I've become skint is how I'm going to manage to attack my wants list! I'm currently and vaguely collecting old French sports cars on a very small budget. (They're not all 'runners'). I only have four but I've concealed this information from a family member for the sake of peace. I've large collections of other stuff too, some going back to my teenage years and I download more obscure movies than I've time to watch. Old jam jars and worn out shoes is another matter. If you're sentimental about your old threadbare, ill-fitting clothes just take a photo for reference and send them for recycling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Green Web Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 Throwing perfectly good stuff away, instead of trying to find a good home for it is pure wastefulness. I'd far sooner associate wastefulness with mental illness, than hoarding. But then it's even more wasteful driving round in peak traffic trying to find a charity shop that's open, where you can park nearby and whom will only have to pay more money to store it, and waste even more volunteers time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shims Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 But then it's even more wasteful driving round in peak traffic trying to find a charity shop that's open, where you can park nearby and whom will only have to pay more money to store it, and waste even more volunteers time. Charity shops are only one way of doing this but .. Charity shop volunteers volunteer because they want to help in raising money for the cause. The stuff that is given to the shops is where the money comes from, so processing it is part of the job. They usually have a back room on the premises for this. Unfortunately some people may give them unsaleable junk but this is unavoidable, it's not a perfect world. Regarding the journey to the shops, they tend to be open most of the day and on saturdays, so not a whole lot less convenient than a car trip to any other store and of course, drop-offs to charity shops are generally very occasional eg. after a large purge / spring clean. It's not that hard, really but harder than simply dumping and too many people are happy to dump perfectly good stuff which I'd see as fairly obnoxious behaviour in many cases. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Green Web Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 Charity shops are only one way of doing this but .. Charity shop volunteers volunteer because they want to help in raising money for the cause. The stuff that is given to the shops is where the money comes from, so processing it is part of the job. They usually have a back room on the premises for this. Unfortunately some people may give them unsaleable junk but this is unavoidable, it's not a perfect world. Regarding the journey to the shops, they tend to be open most of the day and on saturdays, so not a whole lot less convenient than a car trip to any other store and of course, drop-offs to charity shops are generally very occasional eg. after a large purge / spring clean. It's not that hard, really but harder than simply dumping and too many people are happy to dump perfectly good stuff which I'd see as fairly obnoxious behaviour in many cases. No, if people wasn't so wasteful in the first place then there wouldn't be as many Charity shops! The emphasis should be about how much waste we produce and unnecessary products we consume, not how self righteous you are by giving crap to charity shops. And try parking in Woodseats / Hillsborough on an average Saturday afternoon? It's more wasteful spending hours in heavy traffic, and worse for the planet. It's obnoxious of people to presume you're willing to store their crap because they can't be bothered collecting it, if they wanted it that bad they'd come and get it, as they would be desperately needing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Draggletail Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 I still don't think that hoarding is a sign of mental illness, any more than throwing everything away is. Some people like to have lots of things, some people don't. Why not just go with it? It can often be a sign of an anxiety based illness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Green Web Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 As of now I have given up, I hate doing this but if he wants help with moving he knows where to contact me, I have spare cash, some time, an estate car and loads of really useful boxes to help him pack, like a lot of issues, you can only help people who will acknowledge they may a have a problem want to be helped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rubydazzler Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 As of now I have given up, I hate doing this but if he wants help with moving he knows where to contact me, I have spare cash, some time, an estate car and loads of really useful boxes to help him pack, like a lot of issues, you can only help people who will acknowledge they may a have a problem want to be helped.I agree, you've done your best. In hindsight, had you realised the scale of the problem earlier, you would have probably tackled it in a totally different way. I recognise a lot of my problems with hoarding in what you've said about your uncle, the thinking that people are trying to take over and domineering over him, reluctance to let go, etc. It's probably OCD but, depending on his age, it could also be early stage dementia? I'm glad you're not washing your hands of him totally, as he does need your help, he just doesn't realise right now the situation he's in. But he will! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.