A Matter of Faith

[Allo1010]

I think what you're doing with the "leaving the reader to figure whats going on" is quite a good idea as it gives some intrigue to the story. And while it doesn't actively captivate me, I actually want to carry on reading it. (unlike Twilight - my current English assignment - most BORING book ever. But then again... I'm a guy.)

 

Specifically about the 3rd chapter, at the end. It feels as if you've ended the chapter twice, in the last paragraph and the one before that. "...retire to their rooms." gives a feeling of closure and then onto the next paragraph it feels like an opening and then an abrupt end, if you see what I mean.

 

So, I think that unless it's vitally important, you should just remove the last paragraph and introduce De winter's footman later because the "retire to their rooms" just ends it off nicely.

[De Batz]

I wonder if that would sit better at the beginning of Ch4.

 

Looking back over the first few chapters, it's apparent that the themes develop quite slowly, but I wouldn't change it too much in terms of what's revealed. I also stand by the idea of restricting myself to what you could see if you were there rather than the internals of the characters, which I suppose is what Allo1010 is saying.

 

This style - of not trying to develop the themes too quickly, and not giving the reader too much of what's going on inside - comes as a reaction, I suppose, to CJ Sansom's Dissolution, which pushed the thematic stuff too far forward and the story struggled as a result. It's too direct, I suppose. I wanted to write a story - which will develop over a long time - that carries these thematic elements through it without ever being constrained by them. We'll see, I suppose, as it goes along.