missymoomoo Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 i have been married over 14 years,i am thinking of splitting from my partner.we just dont get along anymore and seem to have nothing in common.i have been looking at alternative accomodation,everytime i bring the subject up on getting divorced my partner becomes very hostile.i want us to part amicably but i dont think that will happen,i dont know what first steps to take.reasons for wanting to split are too many to mention..one being we have no social life and we both want different things,he doesnt get along with any of my kids,which are from a previous relationship.they have all left home now and i feel a big part of my life is just mere existence.my eldest daughter told me she wants the old mum back how i used to be.none of my kids get along with my husband.my husband thinks i cannot function without him on a day to day basis..i think im at the end of my tether really,he keeps asking me whats up with me all the time and when i tell him he gets very upset.i just want us to be honest with each other, and decide we have had enough and go our seperate ways.there are just too many indifferences in our relationship too many to go into.there is no third party involved if anyone is thinking that.i have been very reluctant to post this,but i have no parents to turn to and nobody i can trust really to speak in confidence,i have mentioned to my daughter that im very unhappy with things,but not gone into detail..she has enough of her own things to deal with and i dont want to worry or burden her.thanks for reading this just glad to get things off my chest.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeadingNorth Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I'm not sure to what extent you want advice rather than just posting this as a cathartic measure, but it does sound to me as though this is a relationship which is no longer working. I've never subscribed to the belief that all marriages which come to an end are automatically failures; a happy and successful marriage might come to a happy end and a parting as friends, and I've known some which did so. Therefore, my main advice would be to not burden yourself with thoughts of failure. People sometimes move apart over time; it sounds as though the two of you have moved too far apart for comfort and the time has come to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Star Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 You need to do whatever suits you, but you may not walk away with your ex husband as a friend, as it seems from your post that he doesn't feel the way you do about your marriage... It sounds as though you didn't expect friendship anyways... Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ronthenekred Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 ^^^ditto. HN All your fears are reasonable. Dependant on the relationship I'd open to your daughter. Don't worry so much about burdening her, she's probably already there. Failing that find someone you trust and open to them. Don't argue or threaten to leave, just do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MC Spyda Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 The problem with posts like these, is that we only hear one side, which could be completely different if the other half was to tell us what is going on. Having said that, that doesn't change the fact that you are unhappy. You should have a long hard think about what you really want before making the final decision and also a long chat with him about what is on your mind, make him understand that this may be the beginning of the end, as it may be irreversible once you have made your choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0742Sheff Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 The choice is often made a long time before it gets to this stage. The time in between is spent coming to terms with the choice. It sounds to me like your choice is made. All you need is that final bit of courage to go ahead and end it all. This cannot be easy. After all, this is the person you have spent the last 14 years married to. It does sound like your husband is somewhat in denial. Turning hostile when you try and talk about it is just his way of blocking it out. Deep down your husband probably knows the end is coming. He is just terrified of it. I am no expert and what i say may be totally wrong but i would advise you end it as soon as possible. Your decision seems already made. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna B Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Something similar happened to a friend of mine. She began a kind of 'trial separation' while still living at home with her husband. She began planning and preparing for a future alone by building a new life for herself. She revamped her appearance, found a better job, (this was in the days when there were still some around,) did a simple house maintainance/DIY course in the evening, and through that, made some new friends to go out with. She no longer considered it 'her duty' to fanny around after her husband and left him to his own devices. She refused to argue with him, but was determinedly upbeat, positive and confident (even when she didn't feel it.) Her husband was so amazed at her transformation he perked up and started to notice her. He also upped his game and made more of an effort. They are still together and now rather happy... Could you apply any of this to your own situation, before you decide to part for good? You never know, and at least you'll know you tried. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mecky Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 i have been married over 14 years,i am thinking of splitting from my partner.we just dont get along anymore and seem to have nothing in common.i have been looking at alternative accomodation,everytime i bring the subject up on getting divorced my partner becomes very hostile.i want us to part amicably but i dont think that will happen,i dont know what first steps to take.reasons for wanting to split are too many to mention..one being we have no social life and we both want different things,he doesnt get along with any of my kids,which are from a previous relationship.they have all left home now and i feel a big part of my life is just mere existence.my eldest daughter told me she wants the old mum back how i used to be.none of my kids get along with my husband.my husband thinks i cannot function without him on a day to day basis..i think im at the end of my tether really,he keeps asking me whats up with me all the time and when i tell him he gets very upset.i just want us to be honest with each other, and decide we have had enough and go our seperate ways.there are just too many indifferences in our relationship too many to go into.there is no third party involved if anyone is thinking that.i have been very reluctant to post this,but i have no parents to turn to and nobody i can trust really to speak in confidence,i have mentioned to my daughter that im very unhappy with things,but not gone into detail..she has enough of her own things to deal with and i dont want to worry or burden her.thanks for reading this just glad to get things off my chest.. You can't run away from yourself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stimpy Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 The choice is often made a long time before it gets to this stage. The time in between is spent coming to terms with the choice. It sounds to me like your choice is made. All you need is that final bit of courage to go ahead and end it all. This cannot be easy. After all, this is the person you have spent the last 14 years married to. It does sound like your husband is somewhat in denial. Turning hostile when you try and talk about it is just his way of blocking it out. Deep down your husband probably knows the end is coming. He is just terrified of it. I am no expert and what i say may be totally wrong but i would advise you end it as soon as possible. Your decision seems already made. What an excellent post. you are never alone, no matter how much you think you are. Stand tall and action your decisions! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tipex Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Id work at it before you leave and regret it. I always wonder why the older generation have made it through life togther and the younger ones cant/wont. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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