Lady Agatha Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 Here's one of my short stories which fits in with this month's theme. It's set in world war two and any keen local historians might recognise this incident that I've borrowed. http://sheffieldwriters.ath.cx/SFStoryArchive/1307613824.docx Lady A Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Blanco Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Hello Lady Agatha. Sadly, I am not a keen local historian, though I did enjoy the story. Nicely told. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
De Batz Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I certainly recognised the pub cellar bit, but I had to look up the train crash incident. You have a way of writing short, punchy sentences that is the sort of thing I'm trying to capture (in writing a novel). Your piece has the feel of belonging to something bigger, as though there's something you know that you've not told us, or perhaps that it's actually a chapter rather than a short story...? On a purely technical note, there are a couple of instances of lists or two-part sentences joined with commas. I happen to like this as a stylistic decision, but it's the sort of thing that some grammar-pedants will object to. (Much like my terminal preposition in the previous sentence.) I think this gives a bouncy feel to sentences, but some people will complain that it can obscure your meaning. Anyway, that's of relative unimportance. I enjoyed it and would read more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Shone Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Hi Lady Agatha. I loved this story, It feels like I want to know more of what happens. Is this the first chapter of something bigger? Well written. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Agatha Posted July 1, 2011 Author Share Posted July 1, 2011 Thanks for your comments everyone - it was actually written as a short story, but I think I could take it further if I had the time. I have submitted it to a couple of short story competitions but I never get anywhere with those. Perhaps when I've finished the novel I've been working on for the past 2 or 3 years I could look at this next as a starting point. I'm glad someone has read it and liked it! The train crash was borrowed from an incident in Beighton in 1942 - it wasn't meant to be that actual crash (that train was northbound and had not been to Worksop) but I have been haunted by the idea of those poor soldiers and sailors who had survived who knows how many battles, only to be killed by a stray piece of metal hanging off a train. Lady A Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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