Dear Forum... Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 After years of issues with my ex prying in to my life, sending insulting messages, I've reached my limit. It went quiet for a while after police & solicitor involvement, but it's starting again. Horrible messages & calls, &verbal threats of using his 'contacts' to take our son, (despite our son having a very lovely, and happy life) He now says that he wants to take him to a psychologist for testing (!!!) (Our son is a wonderfully chatty, confident boy with lots of friends. A boy who is always smiling). He plays mind games with me, telling me I'm not a fit mother, & that we must consider the welfare of our child (bearing in mind I've plenty of messages on my 'phone in which he writes how wonderful I am, & that he's thankful that I'm his son's mother). The police aren't bothered unless he's physically violent. The solicitor tries to keep everything out of court. There is such little help for people who receive verbal abuse, & I don't know where to turn. I want to be left alone. At this point, I don't fear for my son when he is with his father, not least because there is always someone else there, but I don't think he would ever hurt him. But he seems to use him to get at me. Accusing me of all sorts of things, & just, in general trying to stamp on my life in any way he can. He must work damn hard to find things out about me! Help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badlittlepup Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 It must be incredibly frightening if he is sending threats saying he will take your son. I don't know much myself about how to deal with this situation but could you contact Women's Aid Sheffield? http://www.womensaid.org.uk/azrefuges.asp?ref=8208 They have an advice line and should be able to help. All the best. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SHsheff Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Who has custody? Joint? Just you? Neither of you, officially? A friend of mine was in a similar position, and one day when her children were with their dad and his family on a regular visit, they decided to keep them. To cut the story short, he reported her for being an unfit mother and applied for guardianship/custody (not sure of the exact terminology). While social services were investigating his claims, he applied to court and was successful in getting custody/whatever in order to 'protect' the children (and he was their father). He then immediately put the children into a school near him, and by the time the investigation was completed was able to claim that by now the children were settled into their new life and it would be wrong to allow the mother to uproot them. So, if you haven't seen a solicitor, do so immediately! Edit: reread your post and seen that you do seem to have a solicitor. In which case, be mindful of my comments and perhaps ask your solicitor about the issues I raise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teenyweeny Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Who has custody? Joint? Just you? Neither of you, officially? A friend of mine was in a similar position, and one day when her children were with their dad and his family on a regular visit, they decided to keep them. To cut the story short, he reported her for being an unfit mother and applied for guardianship/custody (not sure of the exact terminology). While social services were investigating his claims, he applied to court and was successful in getting custody/whatever in order to 'protect' the children (and he was their father). He then immediately put the children into a school near him, and by the time the investigation was completed was able to claim that by now the children were settled into their new life and it would be wrong to allow the mother to uproot them. So, if you haven't seen a solicitor, do so immediately! Edit: reread your post and seen that you do seem to have a solicitor. In which case, be mindful of my comments and perhaps ask your solicitor about the issues I raise. i agree. similar happened to me when my kids were small.without going into too much detail,my hubby took our children..while on a weekend visit and never returned them.he was very manipulative calling me from a pig to a dog similar to the op problem.luckily my kids made his life hell and he returned our children ..some hubbys are hell when going through a divorce and will do everything to discredit and blacken your character,that includes using the kids against you.my hubby blew hot and cold telling his solicitor he was glad for the kids to stay with me, next thing abusive phone calls,name calling me.i do hope the op can get it sorted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ronthenekred Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 i agree. similar happened to me when my kids were small.without going into too much detail,my hubby took our children..while on a weekend visit and never returned them.he was very manipulative calling me from a pig to a dog similar to the op problem.luckily my kids made his life hell and he returned our children ..some hubbys are hell when going through a divorce and will do everything to discredit and blacken your character,that includes using the kids against you.my hubby blew hot and cold telling his solicitor he was glad for the kids to stay with me, next thing abusive phone calls,name calling me.i do hope the op can get it sorted. The type of picture you draw of your ex is the type that blow hard, but after a couple of weeks with the kids decide on what a bad move they made. They just can't handle parenthood, but rather than hand them back with a word of appreciation to you and a sorry for being a tit, they restart the manipulation. It's easier to call you a bitch than it is to admit to being a waste of space. Unless of course it's all the other way around:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scousemouse Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 It is a disgrace the police won't do anything. There have been too many cases of late that they have done nothing and it has lead to dreaful situations. PLEASE seek help again from you legal team and the police. Make a pest of yourself, show off if need be, don't give up. Best of luck!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey lover Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 Does he have his mum still around? Do you get on with her? Might be worth a word with her, a stern word from my mum certainly makes me buck my ideas up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evildrneil Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 Do you have any written / text evidence of him threatening to take your son? If so contact the police / solicitor again immediately about threatened abduction. If not - well contact them anyway though they will probably say there is not much they can do without evidence Also check the legal state with him taking your son for "testing" - if you are primary carer he may not be able to do anything like that without your permission. N.B. this is surmise so check it out!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Belle* Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 1) Try to arrange that a third party deals with any future communication with your son's father and you. 2) Have all the relevant agencies such as police, solicitors,doctors, social workers, school etc know the situation and provide them with copies of texts and voicemails (easily downloaded on to PDF and mp3 respectively). 3) Change your phone number. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Erikson Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 After years of issues with my ex prying in to my life, sending insulting messages, I've reached my limit. It went quiet for a while after police & solicitor involvement, but it's starting again. Horrible messages & calls, &verbal threats of using his 'contacts' to take our son, (despite our son having a very lovely, and happy life) He now says that he wants to take him to a psychologist for testing (!!!) (Our son is a wonderfully chatty, confident boy with lots of friends. A boy who is always smiling). He plays mind games with me, telling me I'm not a fit mother, & that we must consider the welfare of our child (bearing in mind I've plenty of messages on my 'phone in which he writes how wonderful I am, & that he's thankful that I'm his son's mother). The police aren't bothered unless he's physically violent. The solicitor tries to keep everything out of court. There is such little help for people who receive verbal abuse, & I don't know where to turn. I want to be left alone. At this point, I don't fear for my son when he is with his father, not least because there is always someone else there, but I don't think he would ever hurt him. But he seems to use him to get at me. Accusing me of all sorts of things, & just, in general trying to stamp on my life in any way he can. He must work damn hard to find things out about me! Help! South Yorkshire Police really are terrible for the we can't do anything line. They can as Derbyshire Police once proved to me. Ask South Yorkshire Police why they won't issue the ex in question with a harassment order? It sounds like harassment to me. Prohibition of harassment. (1)A person must not pursue a course of conduct— (a)which amounts to harassment of another, and (b)which he knows or ought to know amounts to harassment of the other. (2)For the purposes of this section, the person whose course of conduct is in question ought to know that it amounts to harassment of another if a reasonable person in possession of the same information would think the course of conduct amounted to harassment of the other. (3)Subsection (1) does not apply to a course of conduct if the person who pursued it shows— (a)that it was pursued for the purpose of preventing or detecting crime, (b)that it was pursued under any enactment or rule of law or to comply with any condition or requirement imposed by any person under any enactment, or ©that in the particular circumstances the pursuit of the course of conduct was reasonable. Don't fall for the we can't do anything crap. South Yorkshire Police seem to use that a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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