elouisejacob Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Hello all. I am currently in need of some sound advice. I am living with a "functioning alcoholic". My husband drinks at night heavily, and has been doing for two years now, to the point where he goes to sleep where ever he drops. During the day he holds down an important job, and does it rather well, at this point his problem does not seem to be interfering with his work. However he is making my home life hell. There is no domestic violence involved, but he can get quite aggresive verbally and has embarrassed me numerous times by peeing in the garden, and insulting a neighbour with whom he had an altercation with some years ago, he loses all common sense when he is drunk and my nights are spent praying he will just fall asleep before he can do anything to cause me more grief. He started drinking after he lost his mother to cancer. It was a terrible time and he just can't seem to pull himsef out of the pit he's in, even though during the day he will readily admit he has a dependancy. He has been to the doctor six times in total, only to go straight to the off license and drink himself blind after. I have tried to support him, my family have tried to support him, along with his own, but he cannot let go of the drink. it is breaking my heart. So why dont i leave i hear you ask. Simple: A year ago i was run over by a lorry who's driver had had a heart attack at the wheel. I am in a wheel chair as a result, still having extensive surgery. I had to give up my job, and i am financially dependant on my husband. I have no access to his account. Although my property is in my name due to the adaptations ive had to have done, it is rented (council) but when i asked my husband if he would consider leaving, he laughed at me. My parents are both pensioners and are in no position to help me out, they know what im living with and it is incredibly difficult for them. Can anyone offer me some advice as to where to go to get out of this situation, ive made my decision to leave my husband as i simply cannot take anymore. The final straw being two days ago when he said he didnt have diesel money so i could go to a physiotherapy appointment, then proceeded to get drunk that very night. I'm not a weak person, up to three years ago, my marriage was strong and happy, fortunately we have no children, Ive stayed for as long as i can, i cannot help him any more untill he helps himself, which i cant see happening anytime soon. Please dont judge me, but any sound advice would be very welcome. Thankyou. Ellie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aries22 Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 You do not mention his age, but already this year two of my friends have died, one aged 54, and the other 62, all because they drank all their lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elouisejacob Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 You do not mention his age, but already this year two of my friends have died, one aged 54, and the other 62, all because they drank all their lives. He is 36 Aries22. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gromit Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Hi Ellie, you say there has been no violence but you are still suffering domestic abuse, I urge you to call this number, they will talk you through your options and the call is free to most mobiles:08088082241. Their web site is:http://www.sheffdap.org.uk You can also approach Sheffield Homes for advice. Dont wait, do it now for your self preservation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elouisejacob Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 Hi Ellie, you say there has been no violence but you are still suffering domestic abuse, I urge you to call this number, they will talk you through your options and the call is free to most mobiles:08088082241. T You can also approach Sheffield Homes for advice. Dont wait, do it now for your self preservation. There has been no physical violence gromit, but as i say he is quite nasty verbally, i didnt realise that the DA helpline could help those in my situation, thankyou for your help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gromit Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Verbal agression in your situation causes mental stress, this is still abuse and you sound quite vulnerable. You could also talk to Fitzwilliam Centre who deal with substance misuse, their number is 0114 3050500, they may help your partner with his drink addiction and I'm supprised his GP has not referred him to them. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert_Baehr Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Look in the phone book for Alanon - a support group for the spouses of alcoholics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Vader Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 http://www.sheffieldalcoholsupportservice.org.uk/About.php I'm saddened by your post, elouisejacob, and can only imagine how difficult things must be for you. I've posted the link above, maybe they can help you but I think you would do well to act on the good advice already been given in this thread, by people more knowledgeable than me on the subject. The only other thing I can think of is that I've heard sometimes that local christian/church groups have helped others in these circumstances, but I really wouldn't know which direction to point you in there. If you were interested, maybe someone else might have a contact. You need to congratulate yourself on reaching out for help, it's not easy, but I sense actually that you're a very strong person. If you ever need a shoulder/support there are lots of good people on the forum you can share your experiences with. I wish I could help you more. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rah Rah Rah Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Are you still online? Or is anyone with advice on the subject. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annina Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 I agree with Rupert,the best place to start is Alanon,an organisation set up to help people just like you,living with an alcoholic. Booze aside,mental abuse is just as harmful as physical (I know,Ive been there) and you will get all the help you need if you just take that first step and ask for help. I hope you pluck up the courage to get help,let us know if we can help further. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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