Help with 86 years old mother please

[crookesey]

She has not been diagnosed, but is obviously suffering from dementia. People keep phoning her and telling her that she should be spending x and doing y, we live on the same street, I see her every day. I am getting very angry, she came to our place crying her eyes out tonight, she said that someone phoned her and demanded money for god knows what.

 

Please tell me, is there a way of sorting her incoming calls out? I wouldn't mind her calls coming through me, but she is my Mum for God's sake, take a good few years off her age and she would have kicked my backside for even suggesting such a thing.

 

Please, only sensible posts.

[CXC3000]

She has not been diagnosed, but is obviously suffering from dementia. People keep phoning her and telling her that she should be spending x and doing y, we live on the same street, I see her every day. I am getting very angry, she came to our place crying her eyes out tonight, she said that someone phoned her and demanded money for god knows what.

 

Please tell me, is there a way of sorting her incoming calls out? I wouldn't mind her calls coming through me, but she is my Mum for God's sake, take a good few years off her age and she would have kicked my backside for even suggesting such a thing.

 

Please, only sensible posts.

 

Why not get rid of the landline and give her a mobile instead, so only family know the number ?

 

Or only allow incoming calls from, again, family only ? (if that's possible).

[medusa]

Unfortunately once someone has her phone number and they think that they're on to an easy thing with getting money out of her, there's little you can do other than to change her phone number so that they don't have it any more.

 

If she has dementia then I'm afraid that you will end up taking decisions on her behalf that quite frankly offend you because she's your mum and her son shouldn't be taking those sorts of decisions for her as she's a grown up- but you need to do it and you need to get your head around the necessity to do it in order to help her effectively.

 

I would suggest talking to a family services solicitor or your local CAB to discuss your options for taking responsibility for your mum's affairs, which you will need to do if she does indeed have dementia. It's unpleasant, it's stressful and it's heartbreaking, but unfortunately it needs to be done and when the time comes for your mum to have outside care or assistance, you (or someone else in your family) will need to be able to organise that since your mum, by definition, will not be able to campaign for her own care.

[crookesey]

Why not get rid of the landline and give her a mobile instead, so only family know the number ?

 

Or only allow incoming calls from, again, family only ? (if that's possible).

 

Thanks very much, I like the idea of the mobile, I saw one in Tesco with absolutely huge numbers.

[Longcol]

She has not been diagnosed, but is obviously suffering from dementia. People keep phoning her and telling her that she should be spending x and doing y, we live on the same street, I see her every day. I am getting very angry, she came to our place crying her eyes out tonight, she said that someone phoned her and demanded money for god knows what.

 

Please tell me, is there a way of sorting her incoming calls out? I wouldn't mind her calls coming through me, but she is my Mum for God's sake, take a good few years off her age and she would have kicked my backside for even suggesting such a thing.

 

Please, only sensible posts.

 

You need to be looking at Financial Power of Attorney.

 

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Mentalcapacityandthelaw/Mentalcapacityandplanningahead/DG_185921

 

Am going through similar with my Dad who has Alzheimers.

[CXC3000]

Unfortunately once someone has her phone number and they think that they're on to an easy thing with getting money out of her, there's little you can do other than to change her phone number so that they don't have it any more.

 

If she has dementia then I'm afraid that you will end up taking decisions on her behalf that quite frankly offend you because she's your mum and her son shouldn't be taking those sorts of decisions for her as she's a grown up- but you need to do it and you need to get your head around the necessity to do it in order to help her effectively.

 

I would suggest talking to a family services solicitor or your local CAB to discuss your options for taking responsibility for your mum's affairs, which you will need to do if she does indeed have dementia. It's unpleasant, it's stressful and it's heartbreaking, but unfortunately it needs to be done and when the time comes for your mum to have outside care or assistance, you (or someone else in your family) will need to be able to organise that since your mum, by definition, will not be able to campaign for her own care.

 

Good post.

 

Thanks very much, I like the idea of the mobile, I saw one in Tesco with absolutely huge numbers.

 

Hope it all goes well. Let us know what happens.

[crookesey]

Unfortunately once someone has her phone number and they think that they're on to an easy thing with getting money out of her, there's little you can do other than to change her phone number so that they don't have it any more.

 

If she has dementia then I'm afraid that you will end up taking decisions on her behalf that quite frankly offend you because she's your mum and her son shouldn't be taking those sorts of decisions for her as she's a grown up- but you need to do it and you need to get your head around the necessity to do it in order to help her effectively.

 

I would suggest talking to a family services solicitor or your local CAB to discuss your options for taking responsibility for your mum's affairs, which you will need to do if she does indeed have dementia. It's unpleasant, it's stressful and it's heartbreaking, but unfortunately it needs to be done and when the time comes for your mum to have outside care or assistance, you (or someone else in your family) will need to be able to organise that since your mum, by definition, will not be able to campaign for her own care.

 

Thanks, I know that you are right, but she comes to live with us before we even think of factoring her out. When my father decided to shack up with a German woman whilst in the Occupation Army, and gave my Mum the rods, she stood by me, it's my turn now, I just don't want folk thinking that they can take the urine out of her, that's me, for whatevever it's worth.

[medusa]

Thanks, I know that you are right, but she comes to live with us before we even think of factoring her out. When my father decided to shack up with a German woman whilst in the Occupation Army, and gave my Mum the rods, she stood by me, it's my turn now, I just don't want folk thinking that they can take the urine out of her, that's me, for whatevever it's worth.

 

I understand that you will do everything that you can to help her, but believe me, there will be a stage at which you need outside help, if only because people with dementia tend to lose their diurnal rhythm, which means that they develop major insomnia issues, yet their carers need to sleep sometime or they make themselves ill.

 

I'd dearly love to say that these things won't be necessary, but we've just been through this 3 times as a family with my grandparents, and it simply wasn't possible for one person, or even a couple, to care for them during their times of need.

[Babooshka]

Contact the Alzheimer's Soc. at Venture House, on Arundel Street/Lane (can't remember which). They will provide you with a veritable plethora of support. Great organisation!

[Arguendo]

Unfortunately once someone has her phone number and they think that they're on to an easy thing with getting money out of her, there's little you can do other than to change her phone number so that they don't have it any more.

 

If she has dementia then I'm afraid that you will end up taking decisions on her behalf that quite frankly offend you because she's your mum and her son shouldn't be taking those sorts of decisions for her as she's a grown up- but you need to do it and you need to get your head around the necessity to do it in order to help her effectively.

 

I would suggest talking to a family services solicitor or your local CAB to discuss your options for taking responsibility for your mum's affairs, which you will need to do if she does indeed have dementia. It's unpleasant, it's stressful and it's heartbreaking, but unfortunately it needs to be done and when the time comes for your mum to have outside care or assistance, you (or someone else in your family) will need to be able to organise that since your mum, by definition, will not be able to campaign for her own care.

 

Jeez what’s the world coming to, with the greatest respect medusa I don’t think solicitors & power of attorney is really the first thing to do. @Crookesey you say you suspect that your mom has dementia; by going to a solicitor with a suspected dementia will not do you or your mom any good they won’t even entertain the idea of you taking control of her affairs.

 

This is what you need to do ASAP, contact her GP explain your concerns & ask them to assess her. The GP will then refer her to the dementia clinic, which will also include an appointment to the memory clinic; the dementia team are now seeing referrals within the community. There are medications which now slow the disease down significantly & some patients actually improve, but it all depends how quick you act. In the meantime your mom needs plenty of family support & reassurance, speak to the community dementia team, your GP will give you your local teams number.

 

There is no doubt that in time you will have to make decisions for her, but this will come in time, she may also require a social worker who will assist both your mom & the family, you say your mom is a very strong independent lady, by taking power away from her will only upset her & push her towards depression. All the best my friend, it's an awful condition, don't try to cope by yourself get professional help; they'll do the hard work so you can spend quality time with your mom. Good Luck.