skinz Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Thanks for that. If the courts compelled him to do something. He wouldn't do it. Unless you meet him and try to work with him you'll find it hard to understand, but he is unique. I don't think he's an alcoholic as such. I think he reacts to alcohol in an unusual way, it effects his mind, I'm sure there must be some sort of personality change that's influenced by alcohol. I sometimes feel like Nick Nolte in that film when the parents try to cure their childs illness. Carlito's Oil or something... Lorenzo's Oil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Sidney Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 Lorenzo's Oil. So it was. The film was spoilt though by Nick Nolte talking in that strange accent... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medusa Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 It sounds like your family are struggling far more than he is Frank! What a horrible position for a family to be in, if only because it can be so hard having conflicting emotions about someone when you love and fear/hate/resent them at the same time. The guilt and helplessness about not being able to find the key to helping him can't be good either and for that you have my sincere sympathies. He obviously either won't or can't address his addiction issues and it's very hard to suggest any way of advancing things if he isn't motivated to put in the work. Lots of abuse specialists say that there is no point in even suggesting help until the addict hits rock bottom, which one would think in your family member's case would be when he's arrested or imprisoned, but obviously not. One of the huge problems with alcohol is that society tolerates drinking so much that it's really easy to get into a problem without anybody noticing and it's really easy to have drunk for so long that you've done your body irreparable well before you hit rock bottom, meaning that by the time the addict decides to get help, they are already too sick for it to make a difference. As Belinkabelle says, the access to help is predicated on him actually wanting the help, so your family may be better served by focusing on how to support your other family members rather than helping him, in the short term at least. There are lots of resources and groups to support family members, including the Alcohol Support Service and AlAnon (or AlaTeen for younger family members). I wish you luck in finding one of the means of support which feel right for you and help hold the rest of your family together during this tough time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Sidney Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 It sounds like your family are struggling far more than he is Frank! What a horrible position for a family to be in, if only because it can be so hard having conflicting emotions about someone when you love and fear/hate/resent them at the same time. The guilt and helplessness about not being able to find the key to helping him can't be good either and for that you have my sincere sympathies. He obviously either won't or can't address his addiction issues and it's very hard to suggest any way of advancing things if he isn't motivated to put in the work. Lots of abuse specialists say that there is no point in even suggesting help until the addict hits rock bottom, which one would think in your family member's case would be when he's arrested or imprisoned, but obviously not. One of the huge problems with alcohol is that society tolerates drinking so much that it's really easy to get into a problem without anybody noticing and it's really easy to have drunk for so long that you've done your body irreparable well before you hit rock bottom, meaning that by the time the addict decides to get help, they are already too sick for it to make a difference. As Belinkabelle says, the access to help is predicated on him actually wanting the help, so your family may be better served by focusing on how to support your other family members rather than helping him, in the short term at least. There are lots of resources and groups to support family members, including the Alcohol Support Service and AlAnon (or AlaTeen for younger family members). I wish you luck in finding one of the means of support which feel right for you and help hold the rest of your family together during this tough time. We'll get some peace for a while now but its back on the road for me. To date I've visited about 10 prisons, I'm quite an expert.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daven Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Unfortunately, if he doesn't want to come off the booze or even meet you half way there isn't very much that can be done for him. I suppose, as a family member who cares about him, the only thing that you can do is to be there and be ready to pick up the pieces evrytime it all goes t***s up. Best wishes and good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chem1st Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Has he got any aim in life? Any past traumatic experiences before he started offending? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Sidney Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 Has he got any aim in life? Any past traumatic experiences before he started offending? He has no aim really, he's not had a life since he was a boy. He's always in prison... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cressida Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 When he has been in prison has he ever been in the prison hospital - he seems as if he has severe depression (Bipolar?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Sidney Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 When he has been in prison has he ever been in the prison hospital - he seems as if he has severe depression (Bipolar?) He goes in the detox ward when he first gets in..I think you're right there's some illness behind it all that's aggravated by booze... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redfox Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 I think chem1 has a point - it may be there was a tipping point that led him to this cycle of destruction - i have no doubt the family have tried everything they can and have found it a dreadful ordeal when the love they have for the person seems wasted if not making it worse and anyone who has been there feels for them. Prison will not work with an addiction like this, abstinence is all well and goos but does not address the underlying problem which is why they get blasted on release. There are some really good alcohol treatment services available in sheffield and the real test is trying to find someone with who this person can connect I can only suggest you keep trying and i wish you the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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