jeannie17 Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 i have a shared residency order with my ex for 2 boys aged 14 and 16.?who is 14 is quite happy with the arrangement.? however, who is 16 quite obviously wants to stay with me.he has downs syndrome and autism and for the last few months has become very stressed when his father comes to pick him up.he is here for up to 2 hours trying to get him to go in the car with him and always ends up him taking him to the car in a firemans lift.this alone is stressful,but last week after the same scenario,he ended up leaving him here and asked if myself and my partner would take him down later in the day.we took him down and his father came out to the car.? was so stressed,jumping from seat to seat to get away from his dad.he ended up just dragging him out and told us to just drive off,which we did,but we felt terrible.half way home their next door neighbour phoned me to ask what was going on.apparentlly ? was cowering near the bins on the side of the road ,his dad couldnt shift him,and ? had to help his dad give ? a leg and a wing type lift into the house with ? whimpering.cause of the order his dad makes him go with him ,but i cant go through watching this every week.what should my first step be? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
graham101@ta Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 talk to his dad see if you can come to some arrangement about him not going. the residency aint set in stone and if your son is getting stressed about it thats the reason to talk to your ex im sure you can come to some agreement hope everything works out for you all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dozy Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 It's fairly obvious why he's your ex - the man must be a total <expletive deleted> to put his child through that every week. It's nothing more or less than abuse, physical and mental. Do you have a support worker or social worker for Jaime? I'd contact them pronto and explain the problem. If you have nobody like that to turn to, contact Sheffield Information Link, they should at least be able to steer you in the right direction. You should also speak to your ex and tell him that the visits are too upsetting for Jaime - but I doubt if he'll listen, if he was any sort of normal human being he'd already have realised that he shouldn't be putting the lad through that every week. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyfriday Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 Just a word of caution, would it be possible for you, your children and their father to be identified by your fulsome description including your boys names? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMoran Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 It's fairly obvious why he's your ex - the man must be a total <expletive deleted> to put his child through that every week. It's nothing more or less than abuse, physical and mental. Do you have a support worker or social worker for Jaime? I'd contact them pronto and explain the problem. If you have nobody like that to turn to, contact Sheffield Information Link, they should at least be able to steer you in the right direction. You should also speak to your ex and tell him that the visits are too upsetting for Jaime - but I doubt if he'll listen, if he was any sort of normal human being he'd already have realised that he shouldn't be putting the lad through that every week. Good luck. Well harsh. Maybe he goes for the tough love aproach. Or maybe he dosent unerstand his child like he should but to bandy the word abuse around is wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeMaquis Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 I think you can edit the OP and change the names. If one child has autism and downs then I presume he should have regular contact with health authorities and/or social services so ask someone there who knows the child best. You must know who sees your child most often in this regard. The child obviously lives in fear of his father so there may be issues there to resolve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natzzz Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 If the child is now 16 is he not old enough to make his own decision regarding who he stays with? I was always under the impression that these sorts of orders were only in place till the child turned 16!? Maybe I'm wrong. I wouldn't let anyone force him to go if he really doesn't want to it can't be much fun for him or his brother (having to watch it all). Good Luck, it must be heartbreaking x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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