How to get through a funeral?

[stimpy]

pretty much what everyone else has said!

 

My first funeral was my Grandfathers. I kept it all inside as I didn't know how to cope right up until the day of his funeral. As soon as they carried his coffin past me, I just broke down but I am soooo glad I did! I miss him every day but cherish the memories I have of him.

 

To this day I don't know where he is buried and I don't want to. I tried to get the courage to ask where and go see him before I left the UK but I didnt want to remember him that way.

[jennycakes]

thankyou for your replies loks like im going to cry,lol

its all iv done over the past 2 weeks

[BettyBooHoo!]

Hey, there's no shame at all in crying at a funeral. In fact, if people don't cry at my funeral (which I hope is a long, long way away yet!), then i'm coming back to haunt them for not missing me enough!

 

Seriously though, it'll do you good to have a good cry, it's nothing to be ashamed about. I went to the funeral of a colleague last month, just 43 he was and every one of us were sobbing, then afterwards we all had a good laugh at shared memories of him. It did everyone the world of good.

RIP Andrew, we all miss you X

[JenC]

To come at this from a slightly different angle, the first two funerals I went to were of elderly friends of my grandparents, who I was fairly close to (who I referred to as Auntie and Uncle despite them being of no relation), but not close enough for it to devestate me that they'd died. Because of this, I wasn't surprised that I didn't feel any need to cry at their funerals.

 

Then my nan died and I was dreading her funeral. I didn't know how I was going to get through it and I could only imagine I'd be an absolute wreck for the duration. I didn't cry once. Not because I'm cold hearted, not because I would have felt ashamed to, and not because I didn't love my grandmother entirely, but because I simply didn't need to.

 

My point is that although it's absolutely normal to cry at a funeral, don't feel bad at all if you find you don't need to; it doesn't mean you cared for the person any less.

[Fibutton]

Jennycakes,

 

You're allowed to cry, you're allowed to be sad, you're allowed to feel how you feel.....It's all part of the grieving process, which is always awful.

 

Go with how you are feeling at any moment, including at the funeral.

 

There will be many emotions running through you, accept them as part of you, for now, but not forever.

 

One day you will be able to remember, and think of the happy times , without as much sadness.

 

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

Fi xx

[rainbow2411]

I am so sorry for your loss, please remember that crying is a natural and healthy part of the grieving process.

[Balpin]

You have lost a loved one.

You are human, let it flow. Funerals are for letting our loved ones go.

You will be suprised how quickly the mood changes from one of deep and inconsolable sadness, to one of remembering all the good times.

We are a social animal, we congregate at these times to console each other.

[MonkeyLover]

As others have said, don't be afraid to cry, it's normal, and everyone will shed a tear or two.

 

I think you will find that once the funeral service is over, you will start to feel better.

[Agent Orange]

There is no right or wrong way to get through a funeral. We are all individuals and have are own way of dealing with grief. Just be yourself and stop fretting.

[Sierra]

I always manage to hold it together at funerals until the moment I realize, this person is gone. Not on vacation, or in the next room, or the next city or state. But well and truly gone. Forever, and I will never see them again in this life. That's when it hits me and the waterworks start.

 

Even worse when my mother in law died, there was bad blood between us. It was one of those situations where you think, "it won't be like this forever, one day we'll make it alright again". Well, the chance to make it ok again is gone. She'd been sick, but was expected to make a full recovery. I think we all thought there was more time. She died suddenly and far from home so none of us kids got the chance to say goodbye.

 

The service is your chance to remember the person as they were in life and what they meant to the people dear to them. Go ahead and cry, you have suffered a loss and grieving is part of the healing process.