fraggledance Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Hello I'm new to the group and misremembered the theme for the October short story as 'Halloween' rather than 'Horror!'. I was over the word count anyway so decided to flesh it out a bit more and then post as a separate story. Any comments and criticisms gratefully received http://sheffieldwriters.ath.cx/SFStoryArchive/1317590904.doc Thanks Annie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
De Batz Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Now then. I've had a first read of this, and I'll try to give you a more detailed critique later, but here goes: It's a charming piece that has its tongue firmly in its cheek. It almost seems to be told with a knowing smile on its face. There's a sense of childlike-ness - and I don't mean that in a negative way - about the writing that is quite winning. I'll give you some more detail in the near future. Andy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraggledance Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 De Batz Thanks for taking the time to read my story and for the kind comments (i know there are things wrong with the story and the writing!) Annie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Blanco Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Hi Fraggledance, I loved that. Very clever, I thought, and well executed. Nice one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Rivedon Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Hello, As a story, it seems a little 'tongue-in-cheek'. I can see where you are coming from though, and I suspect it might be just a teeny weeny bit satirical. However, if i'm not mistaken, there is no dialogue whatsoever, which kills it for me. Do you intend to contribute more writing? You should, as you can obviously write. Have a go at the SWG monthly competition. 500 words is a real challenge. IR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraggledance Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 Hi Ron Blanco, thank you, really glad you enjoyed it! Hi Ian Rivedon, yes it is not at all serious although i wouldn't say satirical, more silly. I wasn't sure how well that would come across, whether it would just seem naff. In respect of dialogue i realised part way through that there wasn't going to be any unless i started again and did it very differently, which i didn't want to do because i was having too much fun. I would like to write more stories (time/life permitting) and have a go at the monthly themes - I agree, 500 words is definitely a challenge! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geza Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Marvelous! Very Halloweeny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Agatha Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 A very enjoyable story, Fraggledance. I didn't mind the lack of dialogue at all, sometimes speech can break the flow of a story for me. This one flowed well I thought. Nicely done. Lady A Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraggledance Posted October 27, 2011 Author Share Posted October 27, 2011 hello Geza and Lady Agatha. Thank you for your kind words. Incidentally, i am very pleased to now be on speaking terms with a Lady! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KittiPaws Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 I'll be back a little later to read it. Looking forward to it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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