felix24 Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I'm a good hearted person. In my 41 years I have now encountered two of the above. I'm not sure what the exact term is but following "sussing out" the first one I almost asked for counselling as I was so deeply hurt by it, for many weeks, and couldn't fathom out why this person had created so much upset, it then became apparent that the person had continuously lied to gain the attention of another person in the office, who was always there to give a hug, to make this person feel better, and it had escalated from there - no matter who got hurt or very upset in the process, as long as she felt "loved". This time round - I'm baffled. All I have done is give my care, my time, my family's time, my hospitality.... it can only be for either financial gain or attention surely.... but do these people have no conscience? I have now cut all ties and hope that is the last I hear from this person. What makes this one worse is the culprit KNOWS i am still grieving after losing my dad, VERY suddenly, unexpectadly - very recently, and has played on my emotions. I wish I could trust my instincts when the alarm bells ring first time, not twenty-first time... then maybe I wouldn't feel so stupid. I am choosing my wording carefully because I am nice natured. If I wanted to, I could open a whole can of worms on the internet... but no, not my way of doing things. Anyone else suffered a "friend" with this problem? if so how did you deal with it? serious question - please thanks Fx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelAnnie Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 There are a few people like that around. My advice would be - 1. Don't take it personally, they are the ones with the problem, not you. 2. Be glad that you are better than them and you don't have the kinds of issues they obviously have. 3. Move on and spend time with real friends who will be there for you when you need them. Treasure these people. Good luck xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
felix24 Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 thank you - I feel better already after reading that xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
autumn1a55 Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Hi Felix, I'm surprised that you have only come across two of these people in your 41 yrs...they're EVERYWHERE! They're deeply insecure people who have very low self-esteem. Some turn into pathalogical liars and attention-seekers, some turn into malicious bullies. Both are extremely unhealthy to be around. Both are emotional vampires. She knows you're still grieving for your dad, so are not mentally and emotionally strong at the moment. These sort of people will exploit any vulnerabilty (and possibly target those they see as being somehow 'weaker'), and don't seem to have the capacity for empathy.You are the one needing support and comfort, yet she's all "me, me, me!" You don't need to answer, but has she extracted lots of money from you? Anyway, I'm glad you've seen her for what she is. Believe me, the more this happens to you, the quicker you'll spot it and nip it in the bud. Truth is the ulitimate weapon against liars like this. Don't worry, you can (when you've got over this, and you eventually will!) just sit back and watch her make her own fate. People will start putting the peices together, and she'll create her own downfall. Take care! X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
felix24 Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 thanks autumn, cant go into details but no i've lost nothing material through this. It's just mental torture, and I'm furious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatYank Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 We all want to help those who may need it, but they are usually beyond our help and have exhausted many relationships before yours and there will be many after you. Often the only option is to walk away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glennis Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 I have been on the receiving end of such a person. I truely believe they have a borderline personality disorder, which means they have no concept of how their behaviour effects other people. I recently bought a book on Amazon - in order to gain some understanding of what went on and to clarify my thoughts, as i could hardly believe what I was thinking about this person. I actually had five months sick leave because of what went on where I work, and this person was behind it all - not only affecting me, but a number of my colleagues. In fact you can borrow they book, if you live near Greystones and can collect it. Alternatively, here is the ISBN, 9781444714272 and you can search Amazon yourself. its not a cure all for coming to terms with what's happened, but its an explanation of how these people operate, and more importantly how to avoid them in future. I wish you well, and as previous posts have said - this is not about you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alirosdan Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 Felix, a good friend of mine found herself in a similar situation, but a lot of money was also involved. This person was very credible and ingratiated herself into my friend's generous and loving family. When everything came out that this person wasn't nearly as nice (or honest) as everyone thought, it devastated my friend. It was a really difficult time for everyone, and she did what you did and cut off all ties with this person. AngelAnnie's advice is spot on. Hope you manage to get over this very soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
felix24 Posted October 11, 2011 Author Share Posted October 11, 2011 Thank you everyone. It's so difficult not to take it personally but then I remember I'm so soft, and giving, I'm an easy target for these sort of people.... It'll take time but my true friends and family will always bring a smile to my face I have broken all ties with this person and I genuinly do wish them well, but am happy to say I am no longer involved in their "life". xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LDeville Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 Hi FX You will know what is best for you, fact!! people will say to you "don't take it personally" and they are sincere when they say that. However, not taking it "personally" can be diff, at least intailly, fact You have resolved some of your hurt by posting here as sharing things can lighten the load, fact Sharing with the right people is good and people on the net do mean something and usually gives one comfort. There will be idiots, but who cares. Our mother used to say, "very few things are free in life, but being honest, polite and caring costs nothing and make sure you do not wrong." That is what you are doing, so feel good about yourself Hopefully, what goes comes round, fact!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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