Doing well is 95% luck

[Ms Macbeth]

But their ethics and behaviour will have been determined by their parents in turn, although unlike most of us they also had huge external influences relating to living in war time.

 

I'm not saying that every functional family is functional back through every generation, and every dysfunctional family likewise, but dysfunction does seem more prominent these days and I do wonder why that is. One theory I have is that families are more atomised these days, people spend less time with people outside of their immediate family than they used to. The old social systems of knowing neighbours through working at the same employer and seeing each other at the same club and being involved in the same political movements meant that kids had more influences outside of their immediate family, which could counterbalance some of the dysfunction inside the family. These days, if your family are screwed up you're stuck with them a lot more.

 

I do agree with you about luck, albeit in our genes, and/or in our upbringing. Nature/nurture probably plays equal parts. I believe role models are often missing nowadays, partly due to changes in housing policies, pushing the poorest and most vulnerable together in large numbers. Peer pressure makes it 'uncool' to want to improve oneself, and even some of the older generations seem to resent ambition. So schools in some 'deprived areas' struggle to get the kids motivated and so the cycle goes on.

 

When I started work in local government in the 1990s I was shocked at how many youngsters got pushed out of their homes, left to fend for themselves because mum (or dad) had a new partner, or because their benefits stopped due to their age. Some were children having children. Some of those youngsters were genuinely scared at having to cope alone, others were aggressive and angry, but nearly all had been let down by their families.

[TeaFan]

There are plenty of people who were brought up well and became total f-ups. Likewise there are people from bad families who did very well. People have to accept that their success in life or lack of it is not totally dependent on their family background.

 

How do we know they were brought up well? If they became total f-ups wouldn't that suggest that behind the closed family doors all was not well? I had a friend at uni who killed himself because he thought he'd let his parents down with his grades. They were a 'nice' middle class family who, from the outside, probably seemed the type of people to bring their kids up well but they made the mistake of putting too much store by academic grades and put too much pressure on their son.

[Rich]

What about those that have risen above adversity or those that have been born with a “silver spoon” in their mouth but still achieve nothing ………. There may be some truth in what the OP is saying but you also make your own “luck”

 

That's more or less what Id've said

 

You do indeed make your own "luck" IMO, trouble is, it's quite hard making good luck! Drat those bloomin' Lottery numbers! Oh well, triple rollover tomorrow night!

[Michael_W]

'Doing well' ..... 'Luck', define them both, they have to be kept in perspective and everyone has their own perceptions ..... health, wealth, happiness, the lucky ones may have all those or just one of them. Analysing the why's and wherefores will show differences in everyone, lifes what you make it .... if your lucky enough to live it

[Redyam]

You've got to consider, that if someone's parents were wealthy, supportive and loving to their offspring, what made THEM such good parents? And if it was their parents, what made the GRANDPARENTS such good parents?

 

You could then cycle forever, saying it was only because of family. But at some point, their would have been an individual that overcome bad parents, no money, no love, and made their own way in life through sheer detemination. Which just goes to show... You can't always blame someone else for your own fk-ups.

 

Grow some balls and take responsibility for your own life, and make your own destiny.

 

I hope I explained this properly

[skinz]

You've got to consider, that if someone's parents were wealthy, supportive and loving to their offspring, what made THEM such good parents? And if it was their parents, what made the GRANDPARENTS such good parents?

 

You could then cycle forever, saying it was only because of family. But at some point, their would have been an individual that overcome bad parents, no money, no love, and made their own way in life through sheer detemination. Which just goes to show... You can't always blame someone else for your own fk-ups.

 

Grow some balls and take responsibility for your own life, and make your own destiny.

 

I hope I explained this properly

 

Bad parents or not..no one makes it in life without the aid of others, directly or indirectly. It isn't about "growing balls" or taking "responsibility" for one's life. The day you are born the dice are not rolled evenly..the concept of the OP is to discuss why most who are deemed failures come from a relatively unforgiving past/history. We all know rich kids can fall bad but it isn't exactly the norm.

From what I've read the majority of children growing up and becoming well rounded as adults is the result of how much time and effort the parent/s put in. A rich kid who has everything financially would seem pretty useless if your social skills are zero. So..when you are born the dice are rolled on so many levels you initially (that's the important bit) have no choice but to rely on the luck of the throw.

 

Interestingly we all seem vulnerable to outside influence we have no or little control over. On a related subject I watched the following a few weeks back which is pretty interesting. Give it a try and see what you think.

 

 

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