aelfheah Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Messy and bitter though they are, people often describe being 'free' after the Decree Nisi arrives. Drinks flow etc. But is it really a celebration, despite the bravado? Despite being a strong person, I felt the same elation at first, but later, despite despising my ex's schemes and her bitterness, I then felt a crushing sense of failure and even deep depression, though I didn't even like her? Does divorce kill a bit of us inside? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jew Boy Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 It must do. You cant devote what is in some cases more than half your life to one person then feel totaly ok when it ends. Sure you may be happy that a new chapter is about to begin but in all honesty i'd say every divorcee at some point feels like somthing has been lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mc55 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 to me the key is drawing a line under ALL that has happened and then do yourself a new roadmap - get to know yourself again, what it is you like and what makes you happy ... then look at ways you can achieve those new aims. The old saying 'as one door closes another opens' is very appropriate for anyone going though life altering changes. Lots and lots of groups, activities, hobbies, recreations to get involved in once you've had time to think. I think it is natural to think back to a 'previous life' - but I prefer to try and remember the positive things as it is all too easy to dwell on the bad and become bitter and twisted. At the end of the day, no matter how things worked out, we once had deep feelings and happiness with our previous partners. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy Jnr Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 It would depend also on who's decision it is to wind it up and how amicably it ends. Even so it would be a difficult decision to have to make. There are occasions when couples simply drift apart and its agreed that it might be better to call it a day rather than live a lie. The constitution of marriage is no reason to stay together if it isn't working anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aelfheah Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 mc55, my divorce was years ago, but where in Sheffield are these activities and events? For future reference? Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medusa Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 My divorce was a few years ago and it was a bittersweet thing. Although it meant that I was rid of the controlling and violence, it also meant that I had failed in my vows, when I had made them in all good faith intending them to be for the rest of my life. How I handled the feeling of failure was to examine why the marriage had broken down, and it is apparent that although I had made them for life, my ex-husband didn't. Nobody who really means their vows and carries on meaning them has affairs, chokes their spouse until they black out repeatedly or reduces them to tears deliberately in public. The only way I could have stayed in the marriage would have been to sublimate my own worth, wishes and values completely and just allowed him to continue doing whatever he wanted, no matter what the consequences for me or others, and I just couldn't do it. Getting out of the marriage saved my mental health from even worse damage, so it wasn't any sort of triumph but, like when you are hitting yourself over the head with a brick repeatedly, it's bliss when it stops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aelfheah Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 Thanks, medusa, I feel the same, especially since my ex remarried and stepped up her/their renewed violent threats and bitter, personal campaigns? Lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big time Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Marriage is like Claire Richards It's an enormous Step. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mc55 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 mc55, my divorce was years ago, but where in Sheffield are these activities and events? For future reference? Thanks Aelfheah they are all over - so many things - what do you like ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fibutton Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Yes, at first. My divorce was one of the saddest days of my life, even though it was a mutual decision, we had just reached the end of the road really. I still love my ex, although am not "in love " with him (cliché I know), but we have ended up better friends now than we ever were in the last 3 years of our marriage. We focused on the children and there was never any "access" malarkey, we just wanted the best for the situation as a whole. I have since remarried and had another child, and he is happy in his new relationship. We are still very good mates, and get on better than we ever did towards the end of our relationship. I feel that there is too much emphasis on the word "marriage", if you look at it as if you weren't married, would you have stayed with her as a girlfriend.......think about it x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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